Oh, that Matt, he sucks.

The
"I Hate Matt"
Ask Us Transporter System

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    • Ask Us Volume XIII, June 2002

    Dr Haratio asks:
    I have recently spent the last seven months of my life writing a story for this web site and some fag named spike firestorm gave it a bad review. I am just writing to tell spike he had better watch his back, because i am verypissed off and will probably kill him.
    Volcom says:
    Yeah great buddy, but that's not a question. Stop wasting Spike's and my time, we have far more important things to do than worry about getting killed by pissed off Doctors who take seven months to write something comparable to a used piece of toilet paper.
    DanTheMan asks:
    If i was punched in the eye, would it hurt much, or would i just fall over and faint?
    Volcom says:
    Depends who punched you. I remember your little sister punched you in the face once, and you were light-headed and emotional for the rest of the week. If I was to punch you in the face, which I happily volunteer to do so, you'd be bleeding for five days non stop and you'd shit your pants! Booyah!!!
    My friend the Darkness asks:
    If you put your balls in the microwave and cooked them on high for about two and a half minutes do you think your left nut would mutate into a devil testicle and eat your right nut and then lick you scrotum sack until you coated the walls of your kitchen in evil, evil semen or would insted just be sterile and in agony?
    Volcom says:
    Probably a bit of both.
    Although the microwave is hardly the best way to cook your testicles. What you should do is place your testicles about 3cms apart on a grease-proof tray, then put it in an oven pre-heated to 180 degrees. After about 15 minutes, or until they're golden brown, take them out and let cool for 3 minutes. Then enjoy!
    Confused asks:
    What is E=MC2?
    Volcom says:
    It's Einstein's theory of relativity. I hope that's helped.
    Turkan O'Merkin asks:
    Why don't they like me Bronson?
    Volcom says:
    Let me ask you: Did you take your top of ONCE the entire time you were in the house? You didn't even do it in the showers for fuck's sake!!!
     
    Please Note:
    I don't decide the subject matter for these questions dear, you do. I only give smart arse responses, so if you send in, or read a question and are offended by my response in some way, please send your complaints to gitfucked@whocares.i7.com.au.
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