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Battle #15: Smile; Things May Get Worse Slowly February 10, 2001
Setting: Azure Version/Reality
Player: Gary [Record: 0-0-0] Last seen: #10, learnt of his 'task'

NARRATOR is on a BROCK and GARY HUNT!
Or was it a GROCK and BARRY HUNT?
NARRATOR isn't sure anymore!
Either way, NARRATOR isn't leaving until it finds them!
Hey, keep your voice down! You want the NARRATOR to find us and make us look for that RUSTEPI thing?
BROCK: You keep your voice down, loudmouth!
There you are!
WHERE HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?
Um, nowhere in particular. Now look what you've done! The world will be a poorer place without me, GARY OAK, to look to, AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!
BROCK: Y'know, snotty, stuck-up ALLY who can't even make TOAST, since the NARRATOR'S already found us, it's pointless keeping your voice down anymore. Not that you did to begin with.
WHY DON'T YOU PICK ON SOMEONE THAT DESERVES IT? LIKE LOSER ASH!
*ahem* NARRATOR ASKED A QUESTION!
Shut up big mouth, we'll talk to you later.
GARY has an overgrown EGO!
NARRATOR can fix that!
HUGE HAILSTONE is falling from the SKY!
Nice try, but I'm not stupid enough to stand here and wait for this HUGE HAILSTONE of yours to land on me! Me, use STEP!
GARY used STEP!
GARY took one step to the left!
:-b
SPLAT
HUGE HAILSTONE hit the ground!
One step to the left of its TARGET!
What a coincidence!
GARY was renamed SQUASHED GARY!
BROCK: You really did flatten his EGO - not to mention the rest of him.
That's GARY's fault for having such an overgrown EGO!
Why would BROCK care, anyway?
BROCK: Welll...I just don't want you to draw too much attention to me or anything...y'know, with the WEBMISTRESS wanting to kill me and all that.
BROCK doesn't have to bother trying to stay out of the proverbial SPOTLIGHT!
BROCK: Oh, good.
Because BROCK and GARY are destined to die anyway!
BROCK: You can't tell me that it's our destiny to die!?
If BROCK was an IMPORTANT CHARACTER, BROCK could argue about that!
But BROCK's and GARY's DEATHS have been foreseen even before they came to exist in AZURE VERSION!
BROCK: I DON'T WANNA DIE IN SOME STUPID LITTLE VERSION!
It's LINES like that which have cost BROCK any chance of getting MERCY!
BROCK: Darn it...I was wondering why she wouldn't go to the MOVIES...
All right, you've had enough time to yourself. Now are you going to help me get this @#$%& HUGE HAILSTONE off or what?
BROCK: Can't be bothered - you're destined to DIE, so you may as well do it under the HUGE HAILSTONE.
What do you @#$%& think you're @#$%& talking about?! HELP ME OUT OR YOU'LL BE DESTINED TO DIE!
BROCK: Can't be bothered - I'm destined to DIE too, and I don't plan on wasting my last moments alive trying to move that HUGE HAILSTONE!
Okay NARRATOR, let's see if you can get rid of this HUGE HAILSTONE.
Why should NARRATOR help out SQUASHED GARY when it wanted him to be squashed in the first place?
*sigh* Have it your way...I won't be so disrespectful next time.
INVISIBLE SUNLIGHT appeared!
?
HUGE HAILSTONE is melting!
About time!
HUGE HAILSTONE melted into HUGE PUDDLE!
SQUASHED GARY was renamed DROWNING, SQUASHED GARY!
I suppose glug you're trying to choke teach the few VISITORS here splutter that you can't swim gulp when you're squashed?
DROWNING, SQUASHED GARY can interpret NARRATOR's ACTIONS however he wants!
But NARRATOR just feels like inflicting some SUFFERING today!
BROCK: I s'pose GARY'S destined to die now?
Actually, GARY still has a few more MINUTES!
HUGE PUDDLE evaporated!
DROWNING, SQUASHED GARY was renamed GARY!
So I'm back to normal now?
No, but NARRATOR prefers short NAMES for CHARACTERS!
I've had enough of you for the rest of my LIFE! I'm going and hiding in some isolated PLACE where I can either find my way back to a SOCIETY that loves me, or at least die a natural death!
BROCK: Aren't you going to stop him? I mean, he's getting away!
NARRATOR doesn't have to worry about a permanently stunted CHARACTER getting out of NARRATOR's SIGHT!
You mean that I'm stunted?! Forever?!!
That's the only way NARRATOR has managed to flatten an EGO!
You think you're so great, don't you?
^_^
Well, NARRATOR is the only one on this WEBSITE COUNCIL who devotes itself to writing POKÉ BATTLES!
I'm more successful than you and this pathetic little WEBSITE will ever be, I'm leaving, and no-one can stop me!
BROCK: You're gonna let GARY get away with that? Even though I have to admit that he's right?
NARRATOR can't understand how GARY's EGO hasn't changed!
WEBMISTRESS stormed in!
BROCK: Isn't the WEBMISTRESS supposed to be attending to her SCHOOL COMMITMENTS? *evil grin*
NARRATOR says the WEBMISTRESS says that she's tempted to poke BROCK's EYES out of his stupid HEAD!
BROCK: You can't do that unless you can force me to open my EYES - Oh yeah, you have...
WEBMISTRESS sent out FEATHER DUSTER!
WEBMISTRESS orders GARY to stop insulting her VERSION or face the wrath of the FEATHER DUSTER!
I am trembling nervously in my SHOES - Yes, I'm being sarcastic!
FEATHER DUSTER is hovering dangerously close to GARY!
My LIFE flashes before my EYES.
WEBMISTRESS thinks GARY needs to be put back in his 'SORT-OF NECESSARY' CHARACTER POSITION!
FEATHER DUSTER used SMOTHER!
FEATHER DUSTER is smothering GARY!
gasp HEEELLLPP - *muffled screams*
BROCK: This looks like a good time to get away from this life-threatening BATTLE -
BROCK isn't going anywhere!
BROCK: I was hoping you wouldn't say that.
THAT! THAT! THAT!
BROCK: AUGGH! REPETITION'S STARTING TO KILL OFF MY BRAIN CELLS!
Eck, NARRATOR may as well spare the other BRAIN CELLS. Besides, BROCK will need them later.
BROCK: I don't know what to say. Really.
*muffled, dying screams*
WEBMISTRESS withdrew FEATHER DUSTER!
gasp, pant, pant, cough
YOU REALLY LIKE KILLING OFF CHARACTERS, DON'T YOU?
WEBMISTRESS was just putting GARY in his PLACE, and never intended him to be killed by a FEATHER DUSTER!
I FIND THAT HARD TO BELIEVE!
Whether GARY believes WEBMISTRESS or not isn't her PROBLEM!
WEBMISTRESS hopes both GARY and BROCK have learnt from this!
WEBMISTRESS withdrew FEATHER DUSTER!
WEBMISTRESS stormed away!
The problem with this WEBSITE COUNCIL is that you know you can't defeat them.
BROCK: *sigh* Tell me about it.
Y'see, they don't even technically exist in our DIMENSION - they're inside some PORTAL or something with restricted ACCESS -
BROCK: I was making an off-hand COMMENT!
...I knew that.
NARRATOR finds this CONVERSATION absolutely fascinating, but BROCK and GARY have to go and do their TASK!
Too many CHARACTERS have already died at the FANGS of RUSTEPI!
The way you put it, we're going on a KAMIKAZE JOURNEY! How do you expect this BROCK guy to survive?!
NARRATOR is sceptical that either will survive, but needs BROCK and GARY to go so the WEBSITE COUNCIL can at least learn more about RUSTEPI!
And NARRATOR needs something worthwhile to come out of this week's BATTLE!
I, GARY OAK, announce that I shall prove the NARRATOR wrong and humiliate it forevermore! I shall find and destroy this EGG CREATURE, showing that I have POWER surpassing even the WEBMISTRESS'! HAHAHAHAHA!
BROCK: Stop talking like a fool! The longer we can put this off, the better!
SOMETHING: Rusti? Rustiii!
CRUNCH
crunch...chomp...slurp...crunch...
NARRATOR dares GARY to prove it wrong!
I will! I'd hate to say this Squinter, but I don't need you. I can handle any and all POKÉMON!
BROCK: Good! Go ahead! Have fun! Enjoy!
GARY walked away...as well as he could, as a stunted CHARACTER!
BROCK: Looks like I'm not needed here -
NARRATOR orders BROCK to follow GARY and back him up!
BROCK: But you heard him yourself! He doesn't need the alliance!
Since when does BROCK listen to a 'snotty, stuck-up ALLY who can't even make TOAST'?
BROCK: *sniff* I really don't wanna die...there are still too many GIRLS out there for me to be slapped by...
Let NARRATOR comfort BROCK!
BROCK was relentlessly slapped by an invisible force!
Does BROCK feel better now?
BROCK: Yes and no...I s'pose I have to go.
BROCK left, following GARY!

Player: Buggo [Record: none]

Hmm...this abandoned LAND is perfect, absolutely perfect. Fellow BUG CATCHERS, we have found our new FOREST HOME!
NARRATOR wants to know what the heck BUGGO is doing!
Ah, a single NARRATOR to negotiate with!
You see, we got thrown out of our beloved VIRIDIAN FOREST - where all aspiring TRAINERS lived to become BUG CATCHERS - by some stupid, SWORD-wielding SAMURAI! We have been forced to roam in small groups ever since, being unwelcome VISITORS wherever we went!
We had gotten news of his FAINTING in your little DIMENSION and came, but your VIRIDIAN FOREST is just a WEED PATCH!
NARRATOR just wants to know what BUGGO wants!
We wish to start some FOREST VEGETATION growing in this area of your...uh...what's this VERSION again?
AZURE, you brainless BUG CATCHER!
Oh. What a strange name. It'll have to do, though. Are we welcome to stay, NARRATOR of...uh, AZURE?
Of course! VISITORS are always welcome!
The longer they stay, the better!
Good, we've got an AGREEMENT.
NARRATOR just wants to know where the 'fellow BUG CATCHERS' are!
Right here...Funny, I know they were with me when we first got here. I swear, if they've decided to organise a MUTINY, I'll -
SOMETHING: RUSTI, RUSTI, BRIIE!
crunch...slurp...slurp...chomp...
Are my EYES fooling me, or do I see a new type of BUG POKÉMON?
Hmmm...BUGGO does see a new BUG POKÉMON!
NARRATOR encourages BUGGO to try and catch it!
I think I lost all my own POKÉMON on my JOURNEYS, so it's back to the ol' BAIT and ROCKS again. What is this BUG called?
RUSTEPI, the RUST-SHELLED BUG POKÉMON of HORROR!
Ooohhh, sounds powerful. Those treacherous BUG CATCHERS will be sorry when I battle them with this POKÉMON! ROCK, go!
BUG CATCHER sent out ROCK!
Oof!...This is a pretty big ROCK, but it'll have to do. Me, use THROW!
BUGGO used THROW!
BUGGO threw ROCK...5 CENTIMETRES (2 INCHES)!
Something tells me that this attack might take a while to affect the RUSTEPI.
RUSTEPI: BRIIIIIE!
What I need is STRENGTH - it's a pity PEOPLE can't learn TMs. Maybe I should...I know! BAIT, go!
ROCK, retur -
NONONO!
Okay, BUGGO only has to say it once!
BAIT, go!
NARRATOR is wondering what BUGGO'S using as BAIT!
Usually I'd be using LEAVES, but there doesn't seem to be any here, and this RUSTEPI looks like a CARNIVOROUS BUG. So I'll just have to give up my CHICKEN SANDWICH.
Does BUGGO know what a CHICKEN is?!
Whoops, I said it wrong! I meant a CHIKORITA SANDWICH! 'CHICKEN'...what a stupid-sounding WORD...
A CHIKORITA SANDWICH? O_O;;
What's with the staring? Me, use THROW!
BUGGO used THROW!
BUGGO threw CHIKORITA SANDWICH to RUSTEPI!
sniff
RUSTEPI: Rusti?
CRUNCH -
RUSTEPI: RUSTI!
cough...splutter...choke...COUGH
Ew...Guess RUSTEPI didn't like it.
NARRATOR thinks RUSTEPI prefers RAW MEAT!
Like I'm going to be carrying that around!
I wonder if I can get that CHIKORITA SANDWICH back. It'd be a waste not to.
BUGGO went to retrieve CHIKORITA SANDWICH!
Which is a very disturbing, disgusting, unhygenic and dangerous thing to do!
We'd all be better off if PEOPLE like you weren't so judgmental...Huh? What's all this other stuff the RUSTEPI coughed up?
OTHER STUFF was identified as blood-soaked, material-like things!
RUSTEPI really is a CARNIVORE! Actually, if I didn't know better, I'd say these are bits of material from the official BUG CATCHER's UNIFORM. Now, what would a CARNIVOROUS BUG need with BUG CATCHER's UNIFOR - @#$%&!!!
NARRATOR never realised RUSTEPI had a LIMITLESS APPETITE!
NARRATOR suspects that BUGGO's fellow BUG CATCHERS aren't TREACHEROUS, just CONSUMED.
Oh man...You should build a RESTROOM around here...I'M GONNA BE SICK!
Can NARRATOR avoid narrating stuff for a minute?
RUSTEPI: BRIIIE RUSTI BRIIE!
NARRATOR thinks RUSTEPI is mad at BUGGO for daring to feed it something it didn't like!
*choke* How was I supposed to know what it liked to eat?
RUSTEPI wants VENGEANCE!
That's it! When I get out of here, I'm never catching BUGS again! I'll be a VEGETARIAN -
Wait! NARRATOR was told something by WEBMISTRESS!
She just heard knocking on her DOOR and a scream that WAR is coming!
WHAT?! AUGGH!
No, wait!
...
Sorry for the unnecessary PANIC - WEBMISTRESS had to open the DOOR and found out the message was: 'More is coming'!
Too late, I'm already hyperventilating - more of what?
NARRATOR has no IDEA!
Oh well! BUGGO may as well try to save his own LIFE!
RUSTEPI: RUSTI!
Heeelllppp...
RUSTEPI used RUSTHYPNOSIS!
NARRATOR wonders what it does!
Spasms...muscles...paralys -
NARRATOR doesn't like the sound of RUSTEPI's attacks.
RUSTEPI used DEVOUR!
CRUNCH
NARRATOR can see itself in 5 YEARS, re-telling these EVENTS to a PSYCHIATRIST...
RUSTEPI: BRIIIE!
crunch...chomp...chomp...slurp...
GARY OAK, PROVE THE NARRATOR WRONG!

Player: Gary [Record: 0-0-0] Last seen: earlier, left to fight Rustepi

All right NARRATOR, don't fret. I'll protect you.
SHUT UP AND GET GOING!
Sheesh, I try to be nice...
*ahem* RUSTEPI, you shall meet your DESTRUCTION at my HANDS! Go, EEVEE!
GARY sent out EEVEE!
GARY had better hope RUSTEPI is losing its APPETITE!
RUSTEPI: Rusti rusti! Briie!
RUSTEPI used DEVOUR!
CRUNCH
RUSTEPI might be trying to prove GARY wrong?
*sniff* EEVEE was the highest-level POKÉMON I had and you killed it! DIE, YOU @#$%& EGG!
RUSTEPI: RUSTIII!
C'mon PIDGEOT, ALAKAZAM, RHYDON, ARCANINE, let's fry this POKÉMON!
Go, everything GARY just said!
GARY's POKÉMON refuse to hurt such a cute-looking POKÉMON!
HEY!
PIDGEOT thinks RUSTEPI reminds it of its UNHATCHED CHILDREN!
ALAKAZAM likes RUSTEPI's FANGS!
RHYDON doesn't think it's fair to outnumber a POKÉMON!
ARCANINE thinks RUSTEPI looks cute licking its FINGERS - or whatever they are.
What did I do to deserve this...
Does GARY want a full ANSWER?
RUSTEPI: Briie! Rusti!
RUSTEPI used DEVOUR!
CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH
*sniffle* Surely this RUSTEPI can't be killing just for HUNGER - I mean, look at all the REMAINS littering the plac - *gulp*
NARRATOR is starting to feel guilty about allowing this to go on, just to see how far RUSTEPI can go...Poor POKÉMON...
But NARRATOR doesn't feel sorry for GARY!
I WILL GO DOWN FIGHTING! GYRADOS, HELP ME ACHIEVE SUCCESS!
Go, GYRADOS!
GYRADOS, use DRAGON RAGE!
GYRADOS used DRAGON RAGE!
It's not very effective at all.
CRUNCH
RUSTEPI's SPEED seems to keep rising?!
I hate to say this, but...NARRATOR?
What?
You might have proven me wrong.
GARY admits defeat?
*sigh* Okay RUSTEPI, I FORFEIT.
RUSTEPI doesn't accept that.
I'm allowed to FORFEIT if that's what I want!
RUSTEPI never allows FORFEIT.
I don't care! I FORFEIT, YOU HEAR?!
RUSTEPI will make GARY pay for thinking he could pick on it.
I FORFEIT, I'M SORRY, I'M LEAVING!
RUSTEPI used RUSTHYPNOSIS!
AUGGH -
Here comes the MOMENT of TRUTH...
CRUNCH
Nooooo...
MOMENT of TRUTH revealed that RUSTEPI can devour even 'SORT-OF NECESSARY' CHARACTERS!
NARRATOR needs to turn away for a moment...
...

Player: Brock [Record: 0-2-0] Last seen: earlier, forced to follow Gary to fight Rustepi

This had better not be what I think it is.
Um...*ahem* NARRATOR IS TAKING CHARGE OF BROCK!
I'm not sure I want to know but - in what way?
NARRATOR ORDERS BROCK TO FORGET USING HIS POKÉMON AND TRY HIS COOKING EQUIPMENT!
If you say so...Go, FRYING PAN!
BROCK sent out FRYING PAN!
There's gotta be one SOFT SPOT in this RUSTEPI, and if I can SHATTER its RUST SHELL, I'll have the ADVANTAGE! FRYING PAN, use your SMASH attack!
FRYING PAN used SMASH!
FRYING PAN came into contact with RUSTEPI's SHELL!
Huh? FRYING PAN is evolving!
B B B B B B B B B B
FRYING PAN evolved into RUSTY PAN!
RUSTY PAN disintegrated!
But I used the 'B' BUTTON...
NARRATOR would like to agree, but BROCK saying 'B' doesn't count as BUTTON-PRESSING!
Now what am I supposed to do?!
RUNNING IS A GOOD IDEA!
ESCAPING IS A GOOD IDEA!
ANYTHING THAT MEANS PUTTING A DISTANCE BETWEEN RUSTEPI AND YOU ARE GOOD IDEAS!
This NARRATOR seems ready to snap...But it's saying something sensible. ME, USE RUN -
RUSTEPI used RUSTHYPNOSIS!
*sniff* All the GIRLS I'll never meet...
CRUNCH
Watching all this DEATH and DEVOURING can not be healthy for NARRATOR.
VISITORS want more DESCRIPTION?
NARRATOR thinks VISITORS are PSYCHO!
RUSTEPI: RUSTI, RUSTI! BRIIIE RUSTI!
NARRATOR's BLOOD is running cold!
And NARRATOR doesn't even have BLOOD!
AUGGH!!!
crunch...chomp...slurp...

Backtrack: Rustepi keeps killing...and killing...and killing, with no signs of stopping. The Narrator is reaching breaking point, the only humour that appears to exist is messy...and Azure Version HQ still needs a floor.

Battle #16: You're Important - You've Got Problems February 17, 2001
Setting: Azure Version
Player: Rustepi [Record: 9-0-0] Last battle: #15, Win v. Brock

RUSTEPI appeared!
Just NARRATOR's luck.
Rustiii!
Ew...Does RUSTEPI ever brush its...er...FANGS?
Briie! Rusti rusti!
BLOOD-FLAVOURED EDIBLE TOOTHPASTE?
Rusti!
You're a ENTREPRENEUR in your spare time?
Rusti.
: b Yeah, right. Like NARRATOR'S gonna believe that.
BRIE RUSTI BRIIIE! RUSTI, BRIE RUSTI RUSTI BRIIIEEEE!!!
Uh, NARRATOR wasn't being sarcastic. Really.
Anyway, that explains why RUSTEPI is so bloodthirsty.
Briee. Rusti rusti briiie.
You're planning on taking on the TOOTHPASTE INDUSTRY and becoming the most feared COMPANY in all three DIMENSIONS around here?
Rusti!
NARRATOR can safely say you're halfway there.
RUSTI BRIIE RUSTI RUSTI!
Hey! You can't go up the BOTTOMLESS PIT! What about the LAW of GRAVITY?
BRIIE RUSTI BRIIE! RUSTI! RUSTII!!
NARRATOR doesn't care that you can't make GRADE-A TOOTHPASTE until you get into the WORLD OF POKÉMON!
NARRATOR isn't breaking the LAW of GRAVITY!
Rusti? Briie brie rustii brieee.
NARRATOR hates it when CHARACTERS call it a HYPOCRITE. And that is the real reason why it's not cooperating!
Briie rusti.
Fine! WEBMISTRESS ordered NARRATOR to keep RUSTEPI away from the MAIN CHARACTERS because she went to a lot of trouble to get them EVACUATED!
RUSTI RUSTI!
If NARRATOR doesn't give in, RUSTEPI will eat it?
Good luck! Freaky, sickening, psycho and invincible though you are, NARRATOR will not be manipulated by any CHARACTER!
Rusti briiiiieee rustii brie.
Don't go there! There's no HQ PORTAL around there, so just forget it!
Briie? Rusti. >: )
No! That AZURE COLOUR around there is just there for DECORATION!
Rusti rusti brie. Briie.
Go ahead, test the power of the, um, AZURE-COLOURED SPOT!
Brieee...briibriibriibriibriiiii! RUSTI!
RUSTEPI used RUSTHYPNOSIS?
AUGGH! Stupid...PORTAL!
Rusti brie. >: )
NARRATOR used - noi'mnotgoingto - ANTI-GRAVITY!
NARRATOR eliminated - STUPID EGG - GRAVITY in - AUGGH! - BOTTOMLESS PIT!
Rusti? Brie brie!
HELP! RUSTEPI used - takeitbackbeforeit'ssaid - FLOAT!
RUSTEPI floated - owie - up BOTTOMLESS PIT!
STUPID RUSTHYPNOSIS!
RUSTI...

Setting: Azure Version HQ
Player: Webmistress

What's with all that stupid screaming coming from the NARRATION AREA? I CAN'T HELP YOU WHILE WE STILL DON'T HAVE A FLOOR!
Speaking of which, I wonder what happened to the CARPENTERS the NARRATOR called.
NARRATOR...owie...thought...OW...huh? Was...NARRATOR...thinking...anything?
*sigh* Not to mention the COMPUTER PEOPLE. Listening to the NARRATOR say whole BATTLES out loud is starting to get really annoying.
Meanie...WEB...MISTRESS...
Oh, great. HAVE YOU BEEN STAYING UP LATER THAN I HAVE AGAIN?!
NARRATOR sick...wants out...Where is...elusive 'out'?
I s'pose I'll have to go and swing on the CURTAINS again. Me, use CURTAIN SWING!
WEBMISTRESS...used...uh, whatever...
WEBMISTRESS is...what was WEBMISTRESS...saying?
CRASH!
OW! IF YOU NEED HELP, YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST OPENED THE DOOR SO I WOULDN'T SMASH INTO IT!
Now I have to wait 'til the DOOR swings open by itself.
DOOR...is still shut!
CURTAIN...swings back!
WEBMISTRESS...NARRATOR can't see...yet...
OW! YOU'RE NOT DOING EITHER OF US ANY GOOD!
NARRATOR...DOOR open...which?
CURTAIN swings forth!
WEBMISTRESS...is still...holding on?
OW!
DOOR...swing thingies...fell off!
DOOR...disappeared?
CURTAIN still...swinging...forth...
WEBMISTRESS swings in...where?
I'M FINALLY IN THE NARRATION AREA! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE -
CURTAIN...swings...back!
WEBMISTRESS...went with...it!
OW!
CURTAIN swings...forth!
WEBMISTRESS...back!
Me, HOLD onto a CURTAIN in THIS AREA!
WEBMISTRESS...did!
*sigh* At last. This PROBLEM had better be worth the trouble I took to get here! What are you doing, TWITCHING and speaking in broken SENTENCES?!
RUSTEPI...attack...through...AZURE SPOT...
WHAT?
BATTLE...lookie...
That's it, I'm going and looking at what you've been yelling about!
...
Help...
...RUSTEPI DID THAT?!
NARRATOR...underestimated...attack...INVINCIBILITY...
I'm surprised you're still alive, actually. That ATTACK should've killed you. Freaky or what?
NARRATOR IS FREAKED!
Who can blame you? Anyway, you'd better make the best of it 'til the end of the BATTLE. With luck, you won't be completely paralysed before then.
NARRATOR IS SICK OF PUTTING UP WITH SUFFERING!
Considering you are a NARRATOR, don't you think that your CHARACTERS have more to whine about than you do?
NARRATOR NOT ONLY SUFFERS, NARRATOR IS HATED!
That's the nature of being a NARRATOR! Now stop being a sook and get on with narrating!
IF WEBMISTRESS AND NARRATOR WEREN'T PERSONALLY LINKED, WEBMISTRESS WOULD BE EVEN MEANER TO NARRATOR THAN SHE ALREADY IS!
That's true. But isn't it strange that you talk perfectly well when you're doing it at the top of your VOICE?
NARRATOR's SPIRIT HAS BEEN BROKEN AND DISAPPEARED INTO HQ PORTAL!
NARRATOR RESIGNS!
WHAT???!!!
WEBMISTRESS HAS NO COMPASSION!
NARRATOR IS RETURNING TO JUST BEING AN ASPECT OF THE REAL-LIFE AZURE WEBMISTRESS!
Y-You can't just abandon AZURE VERSION! What's going to happen to it?
THAT'S WEBMISTRESS' PROBLEM!
NARRATOR REFUSES TO STAY AT A LITTLE-KNOWN VERSION WHERE IT HAS TO WORK SO HARD!
WEBMISTRESS MAY AS WELL DO MORE WORK AROUND THE VERSION!
NARRATOR RESIGNS AND DROPS INTO THE HQ PORTAL!
...
...Huh? Unconscious CARPENTERS and a COMPUTER COURIER floating around in the PORTAL? Typical NARRATOR; forgetting to reduce the RESTRICTIVE ACCESS POWER of this place...
Do I have to do this?...'NARRATOR was renamed EX-NARRATOR'.
...I've had enough of this RUSTEPI! It's messed up this whole VERSION! AND NOW IT'S PUT ME IN A BAD MOOD!

Setting: Mt Moon - A. Dimension/TV Show
Player: Fred [Record: 3-4-0] Last battle: #14, Win v. Flint

All praise the mighty MOONSTONES!
DEMY are dancing with a group of CLEFAIRY and CLEFABLE around a pile of STONES!
Not just any STONES! MOONSTONES!
C'mon guys, keep going! The MOONSTONES are getting BORED!
DEMY keep dancing!
Or rather, tripping over their sets of LEFT FEET as they stagger around like DRUNKEN CHARACTERS!
Hey! We were thirsty and drank some WATER at a nearby STAGNANT POND!
Oh man, I don't think I've danced this well in my LIFE.
O_o;;
Was the WATER clean?
How should we know? We got here after SUNSET a few days ago, and we've danced ever since! It's fun; why don't you join in?
WEBMISTRESS would rather become a TREE and encounter AXE-WIELDING JANICE!
That's an insult to my DANCING ABILITY!
That's what WEBMISTRESS intended!
TIM: FRED, stop standing still unless you want to be trampled!
You heard that, WEBMISTRESS PERSON - I have to keep going. See ya later -
FRED isn't going anywhere until he explains why DEMY are dancing around STONES!
'FUN' is not a reason!
'BEING TORTURED' may be!
Ha ha. Y'see, we came along after re-hydrating - OW! - ourselves and that, then we ran into these - OW! - CLEFAIRY and CLEFABLE.
DRAGONDAY - OW! - and WEEDLE said the POKÉMON said that - OW! - there's a PROPHESY saying that there's a vicious - OW! - ruthless, bloodthirsty CREATURE about to - OW! - make its ARRIVAL!
And that the only - OW! - CHANCE any one of us has of SURVIVAL - OW! - is to become FRIENDS of these MOONSTONES! OWWW!
WEBMISTRESS can't believe DEMY are so STUPID!
You're just upset 'cause you can't join us!
Why would WEBMISTRESS be upset?
WEBMISTRESS just doesn't understand how a pile of STONES could offer protection against DEATH!
MOONSTONES! Now, if you'll excuse me -
WEBMISTRESS isn't in an EXCUSIVE MOOD!
DEMY trampled over MOONSTONES!
AUGGH!!!
MOONSTONES fainted!
MOONSTONES were renamed DUST!
*evil laugh*
Hey! You just made us squash our PROTECTORS!
TIM: Um, if the WEBMISTRESS made us trample the MOONSTONES, doesn't that mean something?
Of course not! The WEBMISTRESS just has a personal GRUDGE against MOONSTONES!
CLEFAIRY and CLEFABLE are angry!
CLEFAIRY and CLEFABLE were renamed CLEFPKMN!
CLEFPKMN want to fight!
We had such a great time dancing together non-stop for DAYS, and now you want to fight?
CLEFPKMN say that's exactly right!
POKÉMON can be so FICKLE...Are you sure you want to fight?...Huh? Where'd the CLEFPKMN go?
RUSTEPI appeared!
STUPID EGG THING!
You haven't answered my QUESTION.
RUSTEPI: RUSTI! BRIIIE!
crunch...chomp...munch...slurp...
Hey...isn't this the TOGEPI the NARRATOR was getting all panicky about a couple of MONTHS ago? If it is, I still think that was an overreaction - it looks so harmless!
splutter...COUGH
Gross...RUSTEPI coughed up a mangled CLEFAIRY EAR!
Or is it a CLEFABLE EAR?
...I think I need to throw up...
My BRAIN feels like it's colliding with my SKULL...eck...What's going on...
TIM: I-Is i-it t-t-too late t-t-to ask you f-f-for y-y-your HELP?
How should WEBMISTRESS know? RUSTEPI hasn't encountered any MAIN CHARACTERS before!
WEEDLE and DRAGONDAY want to get away, screaming like LUNATICS!
Personally, I doubt the WEBMISTRESS can help. Last time RUSTEPI even looked at her, she freaked out, arranged a FORFEIT, and ran away.
TIM: *sniff* The WEBMISTRESS did that?! We're doomed...
Ooh, WEBMISTRESS is tempted to kill FRED with her own POWERS...
It's true though! Knowing that, wouldn't the best IDEA be to plead for OUTSIDE INTERVENTION?
: b Can FRED name one OUTSIDER that'd want to help such a small VERSION?
What else was I supposed to say?!
RUSTEPI: Rusti! Brie brie!
Oh, no.
My cue to RUN!
TIM: B-but...where do we go?
I don't know and I don't care! AUGGH!!!
RUSTEPI: Briie, rusti rusti!
NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!
ZPPPPP!!!!!
RUSTEPI flinched!
That's the best that can be done! NOW SHUT UP AND GET OUT!
DEMY scrambled away, screaming like LUNATICS!

Player: Rustepi [Record: 10-0-0] Last battle: Win v. ClefPKMN

(:-&
RUSTEPI is fuming with anger? WEBMISTRESS is glad to hear that!
Rusti rusti briie rusti...
Why does RUSTEPI care about making GRADE-A TOOTHPASTE? Actually, what makes it think it anyone will BUY any BLOOD TOOTHPASTE?
Briie!
Oh, I forgot about the power of ADVERTISING. Darn it.
Rusti briie, rusti rusti briie briiie.
So you've made a VOW to get every member of DEMY, and everyone that dares to stand in your way.
Briie.
Well, WEBMISTRESS can't be counted.
RUSTI?!
WEBMISTRESS doesn't stand in anyone's way; WEBMISTRESS looms above the VERSION.
LL appeared!
Huh?!
LL: Heh heh heh...I'm ba-ack!
So WEBMISTRESS sees.
WEBMISTRESS also notices that LL still smells SMOKY.
LL: We-ell, I don't give a stuff about you. I see my little EGG FRIEND has been wrecking your pathetic little VERSION. Losing CHARACTERS, losing your own NARRATOR...give it up, WEBMISTRESS. You can't WIN. Whether you FORFEIT permanently or DIE, it's only a matter of time. And when that time comes, I'll take over and rule like I should've from the BEGINNING!
LL has truly earned her TITLE of LECTURE LADY!
Rusti?
LL: Ah, my EGG FRIEND. You're my KEY to taking over AZURE VERSION!
Rusti rusti! Briiie!
LL: I'm standing in your way of the TOOTHPASTE INDUSTRY? What's wrong with that? Besides...I'd prefer STRAWBERRY, myself.
Briie, rusti rusti!
CRUNCH
Uh...RUSTEPI just used RUSTHYPNOSIS, WEBMISTRESS assumes.
munch...chomp...slurp...
Mmmph...muphti phwiie...
LL was my MORTAL ENEMY, but...RUSTEPI just killed a FOUNDATION MEMBER?!
Without OUTSIDE INTERVENTION, there's only one last chance...What I need is someone or something even more ruthless and merciless than this enterprising RUSTEPI...
Phwiie...muphti muphti!
WEBMISTRESS doesn't have to tell RUSTEPI anything, and can leave when she likes!
MUPHTIII!
'Prove it'?...What's the difference between a LETTERBOX and a RUSTEPI?
Muphti, phwiie?
Don't know? I won't ask you to send any LETTERS then! *ROTFL*
O_o;;
...
Phwiie?
...
MUPHTI PHWIIIE!
chomp...crunch...slurp...

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