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Backtrack:
The Storage Area didn't respond favourably to the kick it received from the Narrator, and has since been floating aimlessly in the Azure Version HQ Portal. Which make communication and situations that much more bizarre.
Battle #29: Attack of the English Syllabus
July 16, 2001
Setting:
Mt Moon
Player: Fred
[Record: 3-7-0] Last seen: #27, surrounded by Geodud
***Connecting to the Azure Version Intranet...At least, you'd better hope so because if this doesn't go to plan, the whole thing performs an illegal operation and shuts down...Just wanted you to be aware of that...***
WE WANT OUT! WE WANT OUT! WE WANT -
FRED should hammer a few hundred NAILS through his JAWBONE!
Being in a nice spacious MOUNTAIN is nothing compared to the horrors of being trapped in a floating CONTAINER with a rotting BODY and JUNK!
TV NARRATOR:
Well, whose IDEA was it to toss me in here against my @#$%& will?! It's not my fault that I haven't been able to locate a SHOWER for the past EIGHT WEEKS!
Where's that RSACi CLOUD when it's needed?!
RSACi:
'Our CENSORING CLOUD is currently unavailable for use, due to its appearance in front of the RSACi COMMITTEE to account for allegations of CORRUPTION. SO DON'T WASTE OUR TIME - WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP YOU
YOBBO.'
TV NARRATOR:
Not so great without your beloved @#$%& RSACi CLOUD, are you? *LOL*
RSACi...HAND appeared!
TV NARRATOR:
?
RSACi HAND used SLAPPING CENSOR!
TV NARRATOR was slapped repeatedly!
[SOUND EFFECTS have been omitted in line with the official RSACi POLICY]
TV NARRATOR fainted!
RSACi HAND leaves victorious - Hey, you're still attached to my ARM - STOP TRYING TO LEAVE!
o_O;; I s'pose the NARRATOR was going to snap sooner or later.
Back to getting out of this GEODUD-infested MOUNTAIN - WHICH MEANS YOU GEODUD GET OUT OF OUR WAY!
GEODUD like playing RING-A-RING-OF-ROSIES!
TIM wonders if that means the PLAGUE is back!
What if I said it was?
TIM:
AAAAAIIIIIEEEEE AAAAAIIIIIEEEEE AAAAAIIIIIEE - *gulp*
TIM started gulping down PILLS!
Uh...Are you trying to kill yourself again?
TIM:
*gulp* I'm tryin' *gulp* to get the NARRATOR so *gulp* annoyed with repetition *gulp* that she kills me *gulp*
I doubt you need to swallow PILLS to achieve that.
TIM:
...*BLECCH*!
THAT LEAF STEW MUST'VE CONTAMINATED THIS STUFF! HOW COULD COMMITTING SUICIDE BE SO
DISGUSTING?
Don't look to me for an ANSWER - BUT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COUGH 'EM UP ALL OVER US?!
DRAGONDAY has but one thing to say, and it's that TIM IS REALLY, REALLY SICK!
TIM:
WELL WHY ELSE WOULD I COUGH UP MY MEDICATION?
WEEDLE can not comprehend the futility of TIM's ACTIONS!
WEEDLE also can not comprehend the way that a PILL has pinned it to a massive ROCK!
If this is all supposed to be systematic or whatever...Are the GEODUD still here?
GEODUD aren't sure!
GEODUD will go and check!
Obviously, those POKÉMON have ROCKS in their HEAD : )
WHACK
That was very not funny, Not-Funny GUY - THERE'S NO POINT SLAPPING SOMEONE AFTER THEY'VE PASSED OUT, SO CUT IT OUT!
NO, NOT WITH SCISSORS - OW!
TIM:
Er, is this a good time to get out of this non-BATTLE?
DRAGONDAY edges away from TIM and agrees!
WEEDLE considers the merits of the PROPOSAL - but merely wants someone to PEEL IT OFF THE ROCK!
>_<
NARRATOR can't take this slow, tedious movement of DEMY in MT MOON anymore!
...But guess who decided to position the @#$%& BOTTOMLESS PIT in here?
Lone GEODUD *ahem*s!
GEODUD places its HANDS on its - uh, gets into its BATTLE STANCE!
Oh, I'm so scared. Look at me, I'm trembling.
WEEDLE asks why FRED keeps wobbling like a...an...like TIM!
Someone appears to have replaced the WATER in my BODY with GELATINE, and don't ask me how that
happened.
GEODUD is an undercover RSACi OFFICER, and no-one in the offending GROUP gets out without being pummelled to a bloody PULP!
Hey TIM, go see if it's worth the pain to get outta here!
TIM is too busy hiding behind a disgusted DRAGONDAY!
GEODUD examines its FEAR-inducing STATEMENT!
GEODUD:
O_O
GEODUD runs for it!
Uh...'runs'?
On its HANDS, like any self-respecting GEODUD!
Yeahhh...riiigh -
***Your connection has been terminated. Don't you feel better now that I've told you that?***
What is with this stupid connecting thing?
***Do you want to reconnect? Y/N***
Y
***What do you mean, Y DO YOU WANT TO RECONNECT?!***
ORDER: SELF-DESTRUCT
***Do you wish to make 'Do you want to reconnect?' self-destruct?***
N
***SO STOP CONFUSING ME ALL THE TI - This connection has performed an illegal operation and will make NARRATOR's life that much more difficult***
Setting:
ROUTE 4
FREEEDOM AT LAAAST!!!
FRED IS WRONG! NO-ONE CAN EVER BE FREE WHILE THEY REMAIN IN THE CLUTCHES OF THE NARRATOR!
You're just jealous 'cause you can't do a celebratory WOBBLE!
O_O;; WHY WOULD NARRATOR WANT TO?
NARRATOR JUST WANT DEMY TO GET MOVING ALREADY, IN THE FAINT HOPE THAT THIS BATTLE WILL IMPROVE!
Maybe it'd improve if you'd stop TALKING IN CAPITAL LETTERS. IT HURTS THE EARS AND THE EYES.
AWW, POOR FRED WITH HIS FRAGILE EARS AND EYES!
NARRATOR CAN'T NARRATE UNLESS SHE TAPS OUT MORSE CODE ON THE WALL, WHICH SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE GETS TRANSLATED INTO CAPITALS!
So like a politician.
NARRATOR HEARD THAT!
TIM:
WAAAAAH!!!
WHAM WHAM WHAM
I think the PILL/LEAF RESIDUE is starting to kick in...
WHAM WHAM WHAM
What is wrong with you? Then again - Don't bother answering that QUESTION.
WHAM WHAM WHAM
DRAGONDAY questions the safety of a situation where one NUTCASE can literally send SHOCK WAVES throughout the whole AREA!
WEEDLE has had enough of the 2-D EXPERIENCE!
SO I SUPPOSE THE OH-SO-GREAT NARRATOR HAS FINALLY FOUND SOME WAY OF COMMUNICATING WITHOUT
SCREAMING?
Does FRED need to change the VOLUME of his VOICE too?
...
What the - OW!
WHAM WHAM WH -
OWWW!!!
NARRATOR just thought DEMY might appreciate the multi-purpose three DOTS OF ELLIPSIS!
TIM:
*sniff* I can't take much more of this...The NARRATOR is apparently stuck inside some ROOM filled with JUNK, has no IDEA where it's going and can only make our LIVES a misery by tapping on a WALL - AND YET WE ARE STILL BEING WATCHED AND MADE TO SUFFER!!! WAAAAAH!!!
...There's got to be a way to get this wimpy CHARACTER drowned, splattered, zapped, etc. by the NARRATOR...!
TIM:
-AAAAAAAA - Heeeyyy, I don't like the look of that EXCLAMATION MARK above your HEAD! It looks too original!
Can you explain how the heck an EXCLAMATION MARK can be too original?
TIM:
Well, if you observe it from this angle, you can see a distinct difference between your usual, use-to-make-a-POINT EXCLAMATION MARK, and this give-me-an-excuse-to-scheme -
...At least a BATTLE DUST CLOUD doesn't involve a LESSON on PUNCTUATION.
VOICE:
WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE LOOK AT ME?
Uh...VOICE was identified as SILHOUETTE!
SILHOUETTE:
About time! I demand whoever is responsible for this VIOLENCE to justify this instance of it!
NARRATOR searches for an 'UNDO' BUTTON!
SILHOUETTE:
You think it'll be that easy to get rid of me? Simply because my PARENTS drew a vague OUTLINE of a PERSON, filled it with BLACK PAINT and stamped me here?
IS THAT WHY YOU CHOOSE TO UNDERESTIMATE MY FEARSOME ABILITIES?
To think that NARRATOR wasted the past few SECONDS listening to a SILHOUETTE...
You realise that you could've just kept narrating the carrying-out of my intelligent and devious PLAN, don't you? I wouldn't have to explain it to less-intelligent LIFE FORMS, you'd save TIME, and we'd all be better off!
TIM:
Mmmph!
Why are you picking this specific moment to start a new LANGUAGE?
Does FRED honestly believe that he can give NARRATOR any ADVICE?
Someone who can't even BIND and GAG a person properly would be better off stapling their MOUTH shut!
SILHOUETTE:
Ignoring me and my warnings in the hope that I'll give up, are you? FORGET IT, 'CAUSE I'LL KEEP YAPPING 'TIL I CARRY OUT MY TASK!
Huh? Oh, fascinating. WEEDLE, go introduce yourself to your fellow 2-D CHARACTER.
WEEDLE considers it beneath its dignity to associate with moronic 2-D CHARACTERS!
SILHOUETTE:
Yet you still choose to stick with these shallow - uh, LIVING THINGS!
...WEEDLE's ARGUMENT hit a BRICK WALL!
WEEDLE followed and knocked itself out!
SILHOUETTE:
And while I've got the attention of my AUDIENCE, stop calling me SILHOUETTE! My name's GEORGE, so there!
Why anyone would give a name to a faceless DRAWING is beyond - *blecch* GEORGE is shorter anyway!
SILHOUETTE was renamed GEORGE!
Actually...while you're here - uh, 'GEORGE' - I'll offer you a once-in-a-lifetime CHANCE to buy a HUMAN GUINEA
PIG!
GEORGE:
You mean a HUMAN that's small, fluffy and a good PET?
Not quite.
GEORGE:
In that case, not interested. So it's my turn to put a PROPOSAL forward -
Do the words 'once-in-a-lifetime OPPORTUNITY' mean anything to you?! This HUMAN GUINEA PIG is quiet, reasonably still, docile, and doesn't have to eat much, making it ideal for scientific EXPERIMENTATION or a live PROP for dramatic PERFORMANCES! And, um, since you're such a discerning INDIVIDUAL, it can be yours for just $50!
GEORGE:
I suppose it could come in handy some day - and $50 is definitely a bargain for a HUMAN...Maybe...
TIM:
Mmmph!
Keep quiet! I'm in the middle of a BUSINESS DEAL here!
DRAGONDAY suggests that TIM isn't exactly thrilled with the IDEA of being BOUND, GAGGED and SOL -
50-50 split if you stay out of this.
DRAGONDAY left to wipe WEEDLE off the BRICK WALL!
TIM:
Mmmph!!
GEORGE:
No thanks; have other things to worry about.
Why should that stop you? I'll throw in all this ROPE, several ROLLS worth of MASKING TAPE, a barely-used HANDKERCHIEF, and an empty PILL BOTTLE! What more could you want?!
GEORGE:
SHUT UP FOR FIVE SECONDS!
...
GEORGE:
Good. I'm here to negotiate a, uh, MERGER between this 'PLACE' and the 'SAVE SOCIETY' -
FIVE SECONDS UP! I'M DESPERATE, THIS PERSON'S YOUR GUINEA PIG FOR FREE, BUT TAKE HIM AWAY!!!
GEORGE:
NO!!!
NARRATOR doesn't care what's happening, but FINISH IT OFF!
THEN WE BATTLE.
GEORGE:
WHAT SORT OF BRAINLESS THUG USES VIOLENCE TO RESOLVE A COMMERCIAL ISSUE?
BATTLE US. Our ALLIANCE wins; you have to take the HUMAN GUINEA PIG with you!
GEORGE:
And if I win, this VERSION gets taken over by my ORGANISATION, which shall reform it so it uses true HUMOUR to ridicule VICES and FOLLIES instead of fulfilling the sickening NEED for senseless DISTRESS and TORMENT!
?
GEORGE HAS NO RIGHT TO CHARGE IN AND MESS WITH AZURE VERSION!
GEORGE was - not flattened.
>_< Stupid 2-D SILHOUETTE...
DEMY will obliterate GEORGE anyway! >: )
DEMY wants to fight!
DRAGONDAY, WEEDLE; are you with me on this?
DRAGONDAY is still trying to scrape WEEDLE off the WALL!
Just leave WEEDLE there; we've got more important things to deal with!
DRAGONDAY isn't fighting to get rid of its ALLY if it gets half of NOTHING out of it!
(:-&
Why am I wasting time with these boring ol' POKÉMON anyway?! Go, me!
FRED sent out FRED!
So much for DEMY obliterating an OPPONENT...
Do I sense a lack of CONFIDENCE? Prepare to be amazed as I prove my worth to each and every one of you!
FRED used o_o;;-INDUCING STATEMENT!
GEORGE:
I'm obliged to uphold the MISSION of my ORGANISATION, which I shall do dutifully! SLOWPOKE, demonstrate on my behalf the shallow and meaningless nature of the FADS connected in any way with POKÉMON!
GEORGE sent out QUICK CHANGE POKÉ BALL?
That is just...sad.
FRED is struck by the pitiful state of GEORGE's THINKING!
FRED was frozen in place!
GEORGE:
YES! We have succeeded in making VIEWERS ridicule POKÉMON-related FADS by making it unfamiliar! All we must do now is make VIEWERS see the similarity between the DISTORTED REALITY with REALITY itself, thus causing them to ridicule such FADS themselves!
FRED is still frozen!
NARRATOR is this close to making GEORGE sit in a SUPERGLUE-covered CHAIR in a THEATRE featuring POLITICAL LECTURES!
GEORGE:
*sigh* There's always someone frightfully ignorant, short-sighted and unable to follow the PATH of the CONSERVATIVE...
Q/C POKÉ BALL, use UNZIP!
***THANK YOU FOR TRYING WINZIP! This is a fully functional unregistered version for evaluation use only***
GEORGE:
Blah blah blah, yeah whatever, 'I Agree'.
***We sense sarcasm in that voice of yours.***
GEORGE:
Who cares? You're a piece of SOFTWARE, and you do as you're told!
***We sense malice in that voice of yours. As a result, anything you intended for us to unzip shall be destroyed.***
Q/C POKÉ BALL was torn apart by WINZIP!
GEORGE:
But nothing was near it when it...*sniff*
Oh. Then Q/C POKÉ BALL was torn apart by GEORGE!
GEORGE:
I WOULD NOT COMMIT SUCH A POINTLESS ACT OF VIOLENCE! *sniff* Now it's bleeding some white and fluffy STUFF...
I can't believe I have brought shame upon my 'SAVE SOCIETY' ORGANISATION. Must use AFFIRMATIONS...This never happened. I was never here. I never volunteered to go anywhere. This white and fluffy substance came from a visit to a taxidermist. I was sleepwalking at the time.
FRED miraculously defrosted!
I need to say something: ?
GEORGE:
I was hallucinating, then. Blame the cough medicine. They said so in the latest medical research.
Don't tell me - even in a subconscious state of MIND, I carried out such amazing, breathtaking, and unbelievable FEATS that I have reduced the featureless BEAST to a snivelling, helpless SHADOW of its former self!
LET'S SEE WHO'LL DARE QUESTION MY WORTH NOW!
It appears some shards of ICE remain lodged in what little BRAIN FRED possesses...
I AM UNCHALLENGED IN MIGHT! Take your HUMAN GUINEA PIG, Whimpering One, and you may be spared from further
humiliation!
GEORGE:
"How did I come to have this bound and gagged PERSON", you ask? I was acting on impulse, I'll grant you that, but I genuinely felt a need to show you this 'PERSON' - a reflection of our degenerating SOCIETY - to further motivate you to continue our MISSION! Get outta my way now, I need a drink of WATER.
TIM:
MMMPH!!!
THUMP
...Nice way of saying goodbye...
NARRATOR told FRED that TIM wasn't BOUND and GAGGED properly! : b
'La di da, I didn't hear that' - DRAGONDAY, WEEDLE, we have to get going!
DRAGONDAY fled after hearing the beginning of FRED's delusional SPEECH!
WEEDLE fell off the BRICK WALL in three separate PIECES!
I DON'T RECALL ASKING FOR A JIGSAW PUZZLE!
And NARRATOR doesn't recall needing PERMISSION to fulfil a sick NEED for senseless DISTRESS and TORMENT!
Backtrack:
The DEMY Alliance (formed by several main characters) has been shattered. It seems logical to keep an eye on them, and searching for a mentally unstable Narrator instead isn't much fun. But it's either that or appoint a replacement, so...
Battle #30: A Webmistress' 'Mission'
July 22, 2001
Setting:
Azure Version HQ/Reality
Player: Webmistress
I hate to say it, but I never planned on having NARRATOR imprisoned for TWO MONTHS.
*sigh* Stupid NARRATOR...You'd think someone who relies on devious PLOTS and TACTICS to climb her CAREER LADDER would know better than to kick the STORAGE AREA around, wouldn't you?
Oh, WEBMISTRESS has finally finished rambling on like a CAMEL?
Like a...what?
Hey, TALKING SCRIPT was programmed by an AMATEUR!
Besides, who says CAMELS don't ramble on?!
Don't tell me this is gonna be another 'You ought to have pity on me, you worthless and heartless FOOL' SPEECH!
BTW, stop acting so high and mighty - your NAME is T SCRIPT.
T SCRIPT doesn't like its NAME!
T SCRIPT also thinks WEBMASTERS who have time to be pedantic and slack beyond belief should be made to... to... categorise every ARTICLE in EIGHT MONTHS' worth of NEWSPAPERS!
Too late...
?
T SCRIPT had thought all the smelly, yellowing PAPER with black PRINT was WALLPAPER!
WALLPAPER covered in MOTHS and SILVERFISH? Yeah, right.
Maybe WEBMISTRESS is a really stingy person! Who'd T SCRIPT be to question that?
Excuse me! I've given second-hand PRESENTS to my FAMILY, worn OUTFITS until the SLEEVES were taking my BLOOD PRESSURE 24 HOURS a DAY, and murdered SIMS to sell their GRAVESTONES - everyone knows that.
But that doesn't give you a REASON to assume that I would buy mouldy and INSECT-infested WALLPAPER -
KEEP YOUR NON-EXISTANT HANDS AWAY FROM THAT RADIO!
T SCRIPT can't take it anymore!
Anything is better than listening to WEBMISTRESS!
OKAY YOU CAN JUST ASK ME TO SHUT UP BUT KEEP AWAY FROM THE POWER SWITCH -
RADIO was switched on!
WHAT ARE YOU, SUICIDAL?!
Wha'?
RADIO:
'This is the song that doesn't end;
Yes it goes on and on my friend!
Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing if forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end -'
o_O;; T SCRIPT never realised WEBMISTRESS was a fan of a woolly GLOVE with a silly FACE!
IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! The BROADCASTER just had an inexplicable URGE to start a COMPETITION to see which CALLER was the most talented SINGER!
BY GETTING THEM TO SING ALONG WITH THE HAND PUPPET GANG!
Perhaps T SCRIPT would be a little more civil to WEBMISTRESS if she calmly switched the RADIO off again, rather than STANDING THERE AND SCREAMING LIKE A DYING LAMB CHOP!
...
It's not that easy. I was lucky to flick the SWITCH the first time, then you - you, disregarding the precarious SITUATION - came along and MESSED UP THE FRAGILE BALANCE!
IF I GO DOWN, YOU'RE GOING WITH ME!
But all T SCRIPT has to do is switch it off, then cart WEBMISTRESS off to a MENTAL HOSPITAL before taking her place!
NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!
T SCRIPT used POWER SWITCH!
...T SCRIPT said that it used POWER SWITCH!
T SCRIPT DOESN'T JUST TALK TO EXERCISE ITS SYSTEM, UNDERSTAND?!
RADIO:
'This is the song that doesn't STOP NOW!
...Yes it goes on and on my Something seems to wrong with the computer -
...singing it, not knowing HELP!
...and they'll continue singing it forever BLASTED TRACK!
...This is the THUMP ...doesn't end -'
AAAAAAAAAA -
- EEEEEEEEEE -
- IIIIIIIIII -
- OOOOOOOOOO - Actually, maybe T SCRIPT could just get rid of the RADIO by throwing it into HQ PORTAL!
- UUUUUUUUUU - IDIOTIC PIECE OF PLASTIC! WE'D HEAR THIS BRAINWASHING DITTY AMPLIFIED IN EVERY PART OF THE WORLD, TRIGGERING COMPLETE AND INSTANT SELF-DESTRUCTION!
Hmm...
Then the RADIO would be destroyed too! All PROBLEMS solved, everyone's happy!
I love your LOGIC. Honestly.
T SCRIPT doesn't appreciate SARCASM!
Why doesn't WEBMISTRESS do something more meaningful?
Like selling her SOUL to NINTENDO, thus gaining POWER to destroy every instance of the DITTY in EXISTENCE!
Do you have any IDEA what they could do to my SOUL?!
THEY COULD STORE IT WITH ALL THE UNSOLD POKÉMON MERCHANDISE!!!
Alternatively, WEBMISTRESS could just surrender herself to the sooo-cute LAMB CHOP MOVEMENT!
T SCRIPT doesn't particularly care, since WEBMISTRESS will have to suffer either way!
It's times like this when I wonder if I should regret being so heartless.
RADIO:
'...my friend!
Some people started singing it -'
Uh...My SOUL doesn't really do much anyway -
WEBMISTRESS let go of the CURTAIN and fell out of HQ!
All T SCRIPT has to do now is reprogram a few DETAILS...Nothing drastic, just some GROUND with huge SPIKES poking out!
Setting:
HQ Portal
I wonder how much NINTENDO pays for SOULS nowadays?
D NARRATOR #1 makes a reappearance! : )
That's all well and good - but that was a really pathetic ANSWER!
What was WEBMISTRESS expecting, a priceless SILVER PLATTER with the PAYMENT written on a GOLD NUGGET?!
Don't start giving me those elaborate RESPONSES, or you might find yourself wandering around this WEBSITE as a miserable CHARACTER!
Still moody? Ohh, poor little WEBMISTRESS, getting all sooky about having a NARRATOR around -
I seriously don't have time to get involved in a SLEDGING MATCH - OW!
TRY SHOVING ME AGAIN AND I'LL GET YOU TO FACE MY FEATHER DUSTER!
How disturbed does someone have to be to threaten an unconscious CARPENTER with a FEATHER DUSTER?!
Underestimate a DUST MITE-covered OBJECT at your own risk.
Does WEBMISTRESS mean those massive GANGS of slobbering, RHINOCEROS-like BEASTS?
Oh, eww...
Everyone distracted? At last, a chance for me and my ARMY to invade this unsuspecting VERSION and RUIN IT!!!
MWAHAHAHA - Oh great; the recent SESSIONS of severe INSOMNIA are really getting to my BRAIN.
And if that isn't bad enough, WEBMISTRESS is -
Huh?
CRASH
Weird SOUND EFFECT...Is WEBMISTRESS all right?
FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I'M IN A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN NOW!
Humph. WEBMISTRESS' inevitable COLLISION with some WOODEN & METAL CONTAINER was supposed to result in the uttering of OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE and...*blecch*
Don't feel like being manipulated by the official NARRATOR? >: )
Not at the moment. (:-&
Anyway, you ought to have more SYMPATHY for someone with a horrific HEADACHE! On top of everything I've already mentioned, 'The SONG That Doesn't End' is stuck in my MIND, and some continuous thumping SOUND keeps echoing through this PORTAL!
D NARRATOR #1 notes that even whilst indulging in a hollow VICTORY, WEBMISTRESS' rotten MOOD doesn't even falter
slightly!
Thank you for that enlightening PERCEPTION.
VOICE:
HOW MANY KNOCKS ON THE HEAD DOES IT TAKE TO CAUSE A CONCUSSION?!
?
VOICE:
DON'T PRETEND YOU'RE NOT THERE! I KNOW YOU'RE STILL SOMEWHERE IN THE SKULL, 'CAUSE I'M YET TO SEE PROOF THAT YOU WERE PULLED OUT THROUGH THE - *LOL*
Don't tell me that's the NARRATOR...
Sure - that's not the NARRATOR.
VOICE:
YOU'RE REALLY FUNNY Y'KNOW, DENYING THAT YOU'VE EVER EXISTED - *ROTFL*
o_O
I guess it does take someone insane to get rid of something insane, though - working on DESPERATION rather than any sort of LOGIC...But first I have to figure out how to free the NARRATOR!
...
I might appreciate some HELP!
...
I just hope you don't think SETS of three DOTS can be considered a form of HELP!
D NARRATOR #1 wasn't designed to deal with other people's PROBLEMS!
......
D NARRATOR #1 doesn't find that amusing in the slightest!
I was just returning your useless DOTS, for crying out loud!
VOICE:
AND WHILE YOU TWO SEEM TO BE LOCKED IN SOME WEIRD MIND GAME, I HAVE TO CONVERSE WITH MYSELF TO MAINTAIN MY SANITY!
Give up NARRATOR; IT ISN'T WORKING!
NARRATOR:
IF YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP INSULTING ME 'N' MYSELF LIKE THAT, JUST LEAVE US TO DIE AND FIND YOURSELF ANOTHER NARRATOR!
D NARRATOR #1 could take the POSITION! ^_^
Trust me; you've got the highest POSITION you'll ever get! Now go rejoin your fellow DEFAULT NARRATORS!
NO!
D NARRATOR #1 can't technically be dismissed by even the WEBMISTRESS while there is no other competent NARRATOR available! : b
Ugh...I can't stand those TECHNICAL LOOPHOLES...
NARRATOR:
HELLO?! WE'RE NOT WILLING TO WAIT ANOTHER TWO MONTHS FOR YOU TO TAKE SOME
ACTION!
*sigh* So few OPTIONS for the desperate people...
There's no POINT in trying to release you while you continue to SCREAM LIKE A CAMEL!
o_O
NARRATOR:
o_o;;
That aside, the KEY disappeared during a problem with my ELECTROMAGNETS ASSIGNMENT -
NARRATOR:
WHAT?!
*ahem* CAMEL ALERT.
NARRATOR:
*sniff* The injustice of it all... I've been locked up by a crazed FREAK...
- therefore, it's 'Pick the LOCK' TIME. Go, CREDIT CARD!
[BANK]:
'Congratulations! You've been pre-approved for a VISA CREDIT CARD with a $3000 LIMIT under our "Marketing to CHILDREN as young as SIX" CAMPAIGN! Don't miss this fantastic OPPORTUNITY to join the BANKRUPT CLUB before entering ADULTHOOD!'
...Go, HAIRPIN?
D NARRATOR #1 reminds WEBMISTRESS was fired from her VOLUNTEER WORK as HAIRPIN KEEPER after losing 50 in ONE WEEK!
Yeah, just go ahead and ruin any CHANCE I ever had to gain EMPLOYMENT.
All in a DAY's WORK!
>_<
What else do people pick LOCKS with?
NARRATOR:
Don't you have a SPARE KEY or something?
Of course - I hid it somewhere where no-one would find it...Then I forgot where that PLACE was.
NARRATOR:
It's a disturbingly paranoid MOVE to hide the SPARE KEY of a STORAGE AREA.
There's nothing wrong with assuming that anyone besides me could potentially try and nick all the THINGS that I might need some day!
IS THERE?
NARRATOR:
*sigh*
Come to think of it...There're some pretty big SPLINTERS in this WOOD, aren't there?
Maybe?
THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION.
Go, SPLINTER!
SPLINTER is clinging to the other SPLINTERS for its LIFE!
This could be a new low - a wimpy PIECE of WOOD.
WEBMISTRESS grabbed SPLINTER!
That happens to be kicking and screaming!
It is not 'kicking and screaming', you LIAR of a DEFAULT NARRATOR!
It would be if WEBMISTRESS wasn't squashing it like that!
I can't wait 'til I get that LOOPHOLE closed...Now to poke this thing into the LOCK and hope it doesn't snap or
something...
SPLINTER was jammed into LOCK!
SPLINTER snapped!
D NARRATOR #1...
With FEAR!
SPLINTER retreated - into WEBMISTRESS' HAND!
I DON'T KNOW WHO I HATE MORE: YOU OR THE OMINOUS RSACi PRESENCE!!!
Oh, darn it.
AAAIIIEEEAAAIIIEEEAAAIII - NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!
BLOOD-covered SPLINTER fled!
And I guess you're enjoying this GORY SCENE!
*LOL* - Actually, D NARRATOR #1 is feeling a SENSE of REMORSE.
NARRATOR:
D NARRATOR #1? Some free ADVICE: as a NARRATOR, one essential SKILL is learning to LIE well. How d'you think I got to where I am?
You mean a hypocritical NARRATOR with POLITICAL ASPIRATIONS, who got herself stuck in a STORAGE AREA and kicked it into a PORTAL?
NARRATOR:
...I HAVEN'T MISSED THE FEDERAL ELECTION, HAVE I?!
You think I notice those ELECTION-things?
WHAM WHAM WHAM
D NARRATOR #1 suspects WEBMISTRESS and NARRATOR have conspired to make this 'BATTLE' so boring that it'll have no choice but to end it!
D NARRATOR #1 WILL NOT BE FOOLED!
WISHBONE appeared in WEBMISTRESS' HAND!
?
WISHBONE:
I came into EXISTENCE just a SECOND ago and I start getting covered in BLOOD?
Are you trying to infect me with your revolting VIRUSES and BACTERIA?
WHAT SORT OF WELCOME IS THIS?!
I've always wanted a whingeing WISHBONE!
But now I've transferred you, kindly shut up.
WISHBONE:
Excuse me! I've been stuck inside a CHICKEN that's been brutally murdered, had its FEATHERS and GUTS pulled out, and been stuffed and roasted for HUMAN CONSUMPTION!
Then, already traumatised for ETERNITY, I get pulled out, snapped in half and am expected to grant a WISH!
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU HAD THAT HAPPEN TO YOU?
I wouldn't know. I'm not exactly known for being EMPATHIC.
WEBMISTRESS snapped WISHBONE!
WISHBONE:
I swear, you're about to pay for your ATTITUDE! WE'LL SEE WHO DARES TO LAUGH AT THE END!
WISHBONE wants to fight!
WISHBONE:
Go...LONGER PIECE!
WISHBONE sent out LONGER PIECE!
'Kay...Go, NARRATOR!
WHAM WHAM WHAM
WEBMISTRESS is completely mad!
D NARRATOR #1 has no patience for such MADNESS!
WISHBONE:
Heh heh heh...Use your SCRATCH attack!
LONGER PIECE used -
WHAM WHAM -
NARRATOR watches one SIDE of STORAGE AREA collapse!
On top of WISHBONE!
WISHBONE fainted!
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY DESPERATION wins!
But for the RECORD, NARRATOR and WEBMISTRESS are sharing the WIN!
You grab every OPPORTUNITY you get to add to your 'undefeated' RECORD, don't you NARRATOR?
...BTW, WEBMISTRESS will die an excruciating DEATH if she's made NARRATOR miss the FEDERAL ELECTION!
A MURDER won't be necessary, come to think of it. After all, I haven't seen the MOTHS and SILVERFISH spit out any boring HEADLINES lately.
Oh.
NARRATOR glances at UNRESOLVED ISSUES like the FATE of TV NARRATOR, STORAGE AREA, etc.!
It'll be WEBMISTRESS' RESPONSIBILITY to fix all that up!
I'M NOT FIXING UP ANYTHING FOR ANYONE THAT BRINGS TROUBLE UPON THEMSELVES!
Well, at least NARRATOR hasn't been practically beaten by a SPLINTER, or used TERMS such as 'CAMEL
ALERT'!
...
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