Hilarious Jokes Part I

Curing An Older Man's Hearing Problems

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times last month!"

Sincere Student

On his first day of classes at a university, a student took a front row seat in a literature course.The professor told them they would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide them with a list of authors from which they could choose.

Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class notes and began ... "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook ... "The student was working feverishly to get down all the names, when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

The student in back of him whispered, "He's taking attendance."

Lovely Husband

A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband, wearing a hat, to a photographer. She wanted to know if the photographer could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on.

"I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."

Sardar Jokes

Do you know how many sardar jokes there really are in the world?

Only three. The rest are true stories.

Love

"What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife,
"my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?"

"What I love most about you," responded the man's wife,
"is your enormous sense of humor."

Insurance

A lawyer and an engineer (or some other honest profession member ) were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I am here because my house burned down and everything I owned was burned. The insurance company paid for everything."

"That is quite a coincidence," said the engineer, "I am here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The lawyer looked somewhat confused and asked, "how do you start a flood?"

The Case Of The Missing Bull

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case.

The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning."

The Perfect Employee?

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

Thanks for the compliments

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

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Read Jokes Part I
Read Jokes Part II
Read Jokes Part III
Read Jokes Part IV
Read Jokes Part V