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Bottle of wine.
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and, while sitting at his regular
table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby...
all alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot
to be sent over to her -- knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying
this is from the gentleman. She looks at the wine and decides to send
a note over to the man.
The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a
Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in
your pants."
The man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and
it read:
"Just so you know -- I happen to have a Prowler, BMW, and a Mercedes
in my garage; plus I have over a million dollars in the bank: But, not
even for a woman a beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my penis!
Just send the bottle back.
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A girls first time!!!! (Assume you are a girl if you are a boy) It's your
first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for
a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches
you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has
had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the
right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's
gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and
tells you to trust him--he's done this many times before. His cool smile
relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance.
You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time,
wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer,
going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your
body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks
at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled
with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins
going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within
you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he
pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at
you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been
his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your
dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. Naughty,
Naughty! What were you thinkin'? PERVERT
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In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
Simple Duties:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex(-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom (-2)
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
In the snow (+8)
But return with beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night(0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking
buddy (-2) Named Tiffany (-4) Tiffany is a dancer (-6)
Tiffany has implants (-80)
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team (-10)
A Night Out With the Boys:
Go with a pal (-5)
The pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Mustang (-10)
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) (-15)
A Night Out:
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called Death Cop 3 (-3)
Which features cyborgs that eat humans (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one, too." (-8000)
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-1)
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
Communication: (When she wants to talk about a problem:)
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression
(0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+1000)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-2000)
Go the Guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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