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Dear Tech Support:
Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
that the new program began making unexpected changes to the
accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower
and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend
5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product
brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs
such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and
installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3,
SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system.
Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1or
HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband
1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness.
Can you help, please!!
Sincerely, Denise
Dear Denise:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due
to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0
to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an
ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator
to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0,
because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating
files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate
Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from
the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be
installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited
memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband
1.0.
In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite
applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have
tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However,
these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband
1.0.
Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support."
You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes
bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and
just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs].
This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by
the parent company as an integral part of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless
of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\
I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".
Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize
12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive
use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious
GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband
1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create
FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to
delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all
PFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently
run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great
program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new
applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend
HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these
utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.
After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you
will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings
2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and
will cause selective shutdown of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until
MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install
Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck
in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this
product!
guy tech support GeoGazette
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