Your co-worker tells you they have 8 body piercings but none are visible.
When someone says TENDERLOIN - you don't think of steak, you think of danger.
You make over $100,000 a year and still can't afford a house.
You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.
You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.
You can't remember...is pot illegal?
You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and one sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.
A really great parking space can move you to tears.
You know that anyone wearing shorts in April is just visiting from Ohio.
You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.
Your boss runs in the "Bay to Breakers"....it's the first time you have seen him/her nude.
Your child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named "Breeze." And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female..
You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational mandarin, or building your own web site class.
You haven't been to Fisherman's Wharf since the first month you moved to SF and you couldn't figure out how to drive to Coit Tower if your life depended on it.
A man walks on MUNI in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't notice.
A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don't notice.
You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visting from the midwest.
You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.
You keep a list of companies to boycott.
Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.

THAT AIN'T OLAF

That's not him!!!
Olaf died in a fire and his body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body. So they called up his two friends, Swen and Lars, to come and try to I.D. the body. Swen went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet, and Swen said "Yaa, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over, and Swen looked at his ass and said "No, dat ain't Olaf."

The mortician didn't say anything, but thought that was kind of strange. Then he brought in Lars to I.D. the body, and Lars looked at him and said "Yaa, he's burnt real bad; roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Lars looked down at his ass and said "No, dat ain't Olaf." The mortician said "How can you tell?" Lars said, "Well, Olaf had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician. "Yaa, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time the three of us went to town, everyone would say "Here comes Olaf with them two assholes!"

HONEYMOON IN NEW ENGLAND

A young couple were on their honeymoon in New England and decided to stop at a historic graveyard to look around. After a few moments and knowing glances, they stripped off their clothes and went at it on a tomb.

The next day, the wife had a backache from her adventures and went to see a doctor. The doctor asked her to strip and then examined her. "How old are you my dear" the doctor asked. "I am 22 replied the wife, why?" The doctor replied, "Because on your ass it says that you died in 1755."