Male Safe Sex
Introduction
| Roles you play | Anal Sex | Oral
Sex | Rimming | Fetishes and Kink
| Testicular Cancer | Links
Introduction
So you have gone
out for that romantic meal, walked along the beach and watched the sun set
in the background. You've been waiting all night to hold the guy in your arms
but where do you go from there? This guide is here not to tell you how to
have sex but to give you the basic information on what happens and how to
do it safely.
Remember you only do "stuff" you feel comfortable with . yes you will want to try new things but never be forced into anything that you do not want to do.
Before I go any further one question that is asked a lot is when am I not a virgin? Well this is debatable one guy will say when you have been penetrated by another man; another person may believe that a blow job constitutes loss of virginity. All in all in the gay world you decide when you are a virgin and when you are not, virginity is a label which you can choose or choose not to have.
The first thing that always gets
talked about in gay sex is roles, are you active, passive, top, bottom, versatile,
etc.
Roles
you play
So how do you decide
who does what "stuff"? Well you don't! Just as in the case of straight
sex you don't sit down and plan what you are going to do before hand. Most
people do not decide their roles or what they like to do until they have tried
things out and experimented with what feels right for them. There are mainly
three roles:
This can be taken further but we
will explore this in the kinky section of the guide.
Anal
sex
All over the world you
hear that gay sex is all about getting it on and taking it up the arse, and
in a lot of people's minds this is what gay sex is all about. However as Les
Dennis on Family Fortunes would say: "And they survey says ." This
is not true! It has been found that anal sex is not the main sexual activity
that gay men do with there partners. The reason why people like anal sex is
because the anus contains millions of nerve endings and is very sensitive
to touch. The anus is also the route to the prostate gland, the prostate when
touched can be very stimulating, especially if the penis is being played with
at the same time.
First
time experience
Some people like
their first experiences of playing with the anus to be by themselves to get
used to the feelings and placing something inside it. You can also do it with
a partner if you prefer. To have a play and experiment try lying on your side
with you knees towards your chest. From here you can reach behind and gently
touch the anus, you can also place plenty of lube on a finger and gently place
it inside. From here you can try relaxing and contracting your sphincter muscle
while trying to move your finger gently in and out.
You could now try two fingers doing the same sort of thing. If you want to find out where you're prostate is place one or two fingers gently into the anus and move them towards you belly button, if you feel tingly sensations then you have found it.
First time anal sex
Bottom:
This can be very scary for the first time and can also be painful but if done slowly and carefully it can be a pleasurable experience. Remember to use plenty of lube, a condom and try to be relaxed as this reduces any pain that could be felt. The best position for the first time is usually the top lying flat on his back with the bottom "sitting" on top of the top guy's penis this gives control to the bottom. The bottom can then decide how quickly the penetration happens and how much of the other guy's penis he allows in. Remember the person penetrating you must use a condom because sexually transmitted infections can be passed on by anal sex because the area surrounding the anus is a perfect absorber for sperm, blood, bacteria, or viruses.
Top:
Your first time as top is different from being bottom, you need to make sure you where a condom and be as slow and gentle as your partner wishes. Make sure you put plenty of lube over the top of the condom before you insert the penis.
Safety first!
Remember whenever you have anal
sex you must be safe and use a condom and plenty of lube. To place the condom
on gently remove it from the packaging (being careful not to rip it), squeeze
the tip of the condom and roll it down over the erect penis. You may prefer
your partner to do this for you. When using condoms please remember to use
water base lube and not oil based (such as Vaseline or baby oil) as this can
corrode the condom. When you have finished make sure you tie the end off and
place it into a bin, never ever use a condom more than once!
Oral
sex
There are lots
of names for oral sex sucking, blow job, etc. they all however mean the same
thing. Oral sex is the stimulation of the penis using the mouth and tongue.
Remember you can also use the hands as well (especially if you do not want
to deep throat which is taking the whole penis into the mouth).
Remember that every penis is different and so something you do with one guy may feel brilliant for him, however on another guy it could hurt. Communication and telling your partner what you like will enhance the experience.
You will hear a lot of people say that oral sex poses no risk to catching viruses or STI's this is untrue you can still catch things especially if there are cuts or abrasions in the mouth or on the penis. It is recommended that you do not kiss or engage in sexual activities using the mouth for an hour after brushing your teeth. This is to make sure there are no cuts from doing so.
Oral sex does have a reduced risk
of catching STI's, the best way to be sure is to use a condom - why do you
think there are flavoured varieties out there ;-)!
Rimming
This is the stimulation
of the anus and surrounding area using the tongue, making sure you have good
hygiene is essential here!! STI's and bacteria can be passed on from rimming
so it is a good idea to use something like a dental dam which is a sheet of
latex when you are rimming. You can also use a condom cut into a sheet for
this.
Fetishes
and Kink
Gay men do not
just take part in vanilla actives (standard anal and oral), some men or groups
of men have fetishes. A fetish is something that someone finds a turn on.
This could be a certain item of clothing e.g. leather (or if you're a Star
Wars fan getting the person to dress up as Luke Skywalker!). For other people
it could be a part of the body e.g. feet, nipples, etc.
If a fetish relates to a sexual situation you will hear it being called "kinky" this includes this includes BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism) and role-playing. It is not wrong to take part in such activities and a lot of BDSM is just an extension of the active\passive roles we looked at earlier.
Just remember only do something if you are comfortable doing it!
BDSM is basically about the power
relationship between the two people, this can range from spanking to humiliation
- however it should only happen if it is consensual between the two people!
Just the same as vanilla you must use protection because the same things can
be passed on in just the same way!
Testicular
Cancer
It is very important
for males to check their balls regularly for changes in shape or if lumps
appear. Testicular cancer does not get picked up on as much as it should because
men generally do not like to talk about their bits and bobs downstairs. If
you find a change in your testicles or you find them hurting or are getting
pain from them you should consult your doctor for advice. It is a painless
procedure to have them checked out . the only thing to be worried about is
having a cute doctor standing in front of you ;-).
Links
The following Terrence Higgins Trust guides are very good reads:
Below the Belt, The Bottom Line, and The Manual
Checked Out - Gay mans guide to sex
Lesbian and Gay West Midlands Switchboard - A gay guy's guide to sex
