A little satire never hurt anyone
Is it going to be a Borg world soon? Build the Perfect Politician
Gene splicing without the controversy or mess
Ever wonder how great our country would be with the perfect politicians running it? Imagine a president with Abraham Lincoln's integrity, John F. Kennedy's charisma, Richard Nixon's international expertise, Hillary Clinton's compassion, and Tony Robbin's teeth. With today's technology, we can have all that and more. In fact, we can tweak the DNA pool to weed out potential problems such as greed, hatred, and important factors like a submissive personality. In the end, we'll end up with someone or something that is spiritually, intellectually, and genetically perfect.

Take Your Best Shot

Now's your chance to create your perfect politician. Simply follow the instructions below to delve into the cyber gene pool. Once you have the perfect head (no Clinton jokes allowed), torso and legs, print the page. Keep one thing in mind: If you try to make your creation TOO perfect, it will have a snowball's chance in hell of ever getting elected. For example, if you remove the greed and quest for power while sprinkling on a generous amount of compassion, you also remove the new creature's desire to ever be a politician in the first place. Good Luck! NOTE: Many more body parts are still on the way. If you don't find the organs you're looking for, check back soon.

The Cyber "GENE POOL" Generator
InstructionsView Your CreationImportant Info to Consider
First, choose a trait
  • Compassionate
  • Integrity
  • Right-wing
  • Controversial
  • Mellow
  • Sarcastic
  • Stubborn

    		•


    The HEAD - Basic thought processes. Good for photos but not much else.

    Next, hover your mouse over the picture to choose a body The TORSO - Contains the heart, genitalia, and anus. Most important part of the body:
    • the heart dictates compassion
    • the genitalia sets priorities
    • the anus commands the brain by regulating excrement
    And finally, do the same to choose the feet. The LEGS - Represent the speed in which the politician gets itself into and out of trouble. (i.e. forward and backpeddle abilities)
    Once you're happy with your creation, print it!
    More satire:

    Advice for Young Doctors
    G.O.P. Gray Matter
    Pope Gear Rocks America
    Help Us Nickname Trent Lott

    Let's Get Crazy | I Want Some Sex | Political Me

    Copyright © June 1999 by Mark Morton. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in any form without contract or permission, but is for sale. Contact Mark Morton if you wish to publish this story in your magazine or short story compilation.

    You are visitor number . Thanks for your support.