Pope Gear Mania Rocks America!

The upcoming millennium brings a group of new products to America endorsed by the professional, pristine, practical and perfectually pure Pontiff himself. Lilly-white never looked so good on him -- and you -- now that authentic papal gear is coming to a Catholic church near you. New products are being added daily to appeal to all members of the Catholic church as well as curious onlookers to the age-old religion. Here are some of the great products available:

The Gear	Pope Points Reqd.	Retail Donation Cost (U.S.)	Description
"Light the Way" Matchbooks	150	$10.00	Officially endorsed matches that promise to lead you to the light and salvation
John Paul II Skull Cap	1,500	$50.00	Protection and respect with Pope John Paul's flair for style. Not just for Catholics, this skull cap can be worn in many different religious events. One size fits all in the eyes of the Lord.
Endorsed Ken and Barbie Dolls	2,500	$100.00	Ken's a priest and Barbie's a nun. Complete with "Right to Life" and "A Woman's Submission to the Lord" training pamphlets.
Vatican Overnight Bag	5,000	$200.00	Travel in the same style as the Pontiff himself with this officially endorsed overnight bag. Made of durable ripstop nylon, and embroidered with the Vatican Seal, this bag will even withstand the rigorous travel demands of the upcoming Holy Wars! Add the optional water bottle for $50.00.
John Paul Bomber Jacket	15,000	$500.00	You'll be styling in this off-white, Corinthian leather jacket with the Official Seal of the Vatican on the back
Papal Robes	25,000	$1,500.00	Be the life of the party and fool your friends! Add the official John Paul rubber face mask and these robes become a surefire winner. One size fits all.
Officially Endorsed Vatican Crucifix	500,000	$5,000.00	Feel Jesus' pain with this officially endorsed crucifix. Standing at just over 5 feet tall, this crucifix has realistic spurting blood and tortured soul sounds. Press a nail on the ankle and a beautiful holographic image of the Ressurection appears on the ceiling. Hours of fun.
Vatican Hum-Vee	500,000,000	$250,000.00	All-white power vehicle styled after the Pontiff's parade vehicle. All glass is bulletproof, and the top hatch contains a removeable shoulder launched LAWS Rocket. Travel the streets in safety by day, and fight the good fight at night with this incredible deal. Not available in Northern Ireland.

How to Get Your Holy Gear

Religious church-goers earn Pope Points for each donation. For example, those donating $1,000.00 or more receive a free book of "Light the Way" Papal Matches on the spot, while all others earn points toward the purchase of new gear. After 4,000 Hail Marys, church goers can choose between an autographed picture of Pope John Paul II, or a Right to Life planning kit endorsed by the church and signed by the Pontiff himself. If you wish to purchase gear outright, simply pray out loud during communion and your order will be filled.

If going to church isn't your style, you can still get Pope Gear by purchasing it outright. Most Catholic churches are officially licensed to sell Pope Gear, so stop by one near you. Or contact the Pope Gear Hotline at 1-800-666-9996. All major credit cards accepted.

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