Living in the Philippines Store
Living in the Philippines Books Store
Accommodations in the Philippines
Places
to Live
Housing/Neighborhoods,
Living Areas
Provincial Profiles 1990 Data
Maids:
cheap & priceless
Climate
& Attire
Getting Here
How
safe is
living here for expats?
Shopping
Filipino Style
(& a taste of home)
Medical,
Dental,
Cosmetic Surgery
Culture
shock (& opportunity)
Philippine Culture
Filipino
Education
Politics
& the Economy
Love
and Romance
Filipino Style
Other
things to do
Home:
Staying in Touch
Getting
money from home
Jobs,
Investing, Business
Retiring
and Living
Philippine
News and Newspaper
Philippine Government Agency
Resources
Join
Discussion List
Please
sign my Guestbook
View Previous Guestbook Comments
OTHER
INTERESTING ARTICLES
Pearl
of the Orient Seas
by Clarence Henderson
A
Few of My Favorite Things
by Rob Faraone
Relatively
Speaking
by Ambeth R. Ocampo
|
|
Filipino men are very
handsome and romantic. And some foreign women have finally figured
that out. The local women, Filipinas, are beautiful and a delight
to be around. Some, actually many who marry them, swear they make
the best wives in the world, not only beautiful, but loyal, loving
and faithful past death.
And, don�t worry if you
are older or overweight, like half the population of the western
world. Both women and men here have the highest respect for age
and weight is a plus to some here. It is a status symbol. If you
are overweight, you virtually lose twenty percent of your weight
when you step on Philippine soil.
Most Filipinas like a
man with a little, or even a lot of, meat on his bones. And the
men here are attracted to "heavy" women, a sign of health to them,
especially in provincial areas. In Asian cultures generally, being
overweight is a sign of substance and wealth.
Love is serious business
with these conservative Filipino women, whether they are from a
city like Manila or the
countryside, the province. I go so far as to
say, especially young Filipina girls in the province where every one
knows everything about everyone.
Virginity is sacred in this Catholic country.
Filipino men are not interested in marrying a non virgin. I am
sorry if that sounds strange or unforgiving, but in this culture the
woman is responsible unless she is raped. May this is not
fair, but that is the way it is and the Filipina girls know it.
Many are badly hurt by men who lie and promise marriage, with no
intention of ever marrying them. But they are
forewarned in no uncertain terms most often. They know the
risk they are taking by trusting a man who want to have sex before
marrriage.
And if
a married woman strays, everyone knows it. Filipino men are reluctant
to marry a non-virgin. The culture and the family lets the girl
know it is her responsibility to keep her virginity, not the man's.
They are well aware that most men are animals. As a man, I must
agree with that. To steal one of Jay Leno's jokes, "Research
doctors at Johns Hopkins just this week, took out a man's heart and
replaced it with heart of a pig." Then Jay says, "Know what happened?"
Then he punches with, "Nothing." "Everything was just the same."
Filipina women know it is their responsibility to guard their
virginity. If they don't, they often pay a serious emotional and
social price. If you are involved with a girl who is not a virgin in
this culture, you are running the risk of getting involved with an
emotionally unstable woman. She has broken the cultural mores,
disobeyed her parents others. She may have other problems too, but
maybe not. I feel, why take the risk. You may feel
differently with good cause.
|
|
|
|
Meeting a woman through someone else is a good idea. If you meet
an older man or woman who has some status, be direct and say, "I
am looking for a wife.�� They will not be shocked, I assure you,
but delighted, if you are truly a gentleman. I have had young
men take me home to meet their sisters and cousins. And if you
don't like the sister, he will find another relative to
introduce you to around the corner. |
He will want to keep you in the
family, but only if you can understand and relate to the culture. If
not, problems may arise. The Filipinos are communal.
When you marry one you marry the family. That is trite,
indeed, but true. Be sure and read the Family section of the
culture page and see if you can deal with what is expected, almost
required, a right of the Filipino family whose child is married to a
man, foreign or local.
 
Ani My Beautiful Filipina Wife
"Pen pal" listings, E-mail
pals, Introduction services are other ways to meet Filipinas and
Filipinos. I did not meet my wife through one of these services.
I took the time to come here and find one who was not interested in
marrying a foreigner. I am glad I did. But I do know many
who have great success and many who had serious failures who
used these services. These services are illegal to own and operate in the
Philippines, though not in any other countries I know about. With
e-mail, text pals and the Internet it is easy to meet girls here
and establish relationships without an illegal broker. If you join
one of these illegal services, you are helping violate Filipino
law.
The girls get into these
services free. The men must pay. You may be writing to several women.
They may be writing to dozens of men. Getting involved in a relationship
is always fraught with pitfalls. But for some, it is worth the risk,
they think. In a relationship built in a text-based environment,
without visual clues, the people involved tend to fill in the blanks
with desired attributes of the other person that often turn out
to be inaccurate. Crossing cultures is hazardous, and using a text-based
environment to become emotionally attached to someone increases
the chances of a wrong course. But there is no guarantee either
way you do it. Common sense is your best guide to
finding a Filipina bride who is happy and you can make happier.
If you are happy, she will be able to add joy to your life, if you
make the right selection.
Selecting your partner
in life is one of the most serious decisions you will ever make.
So if you have that in mind, consider a trip here before getting
too involved. You may think it expensive. But it could be the best
expenditure of your time and money you ever make. And these services
that bring together Filipinas and foreigners for the purpose of
marriage are illegal! My advice is do not get involved with them
at all. You are helping someone break the laws of the Philippines. The National Bureau of Investigation (an agency like the US FBI) is devoting additional resources to jail helpers here who supply names to these services for resale overseas where these services are legal. Recently, February 2002, this month, two men from Florida from two different "Mail Order Bride" agencies were put on the "Unwanted Alien" list. Since they are operating in the US, the Philippine Government can�t jail them but they are
barred from entering the country.
It is better to travel here and meet a woman you care for here, in her country,
if you want to marry here. For any transaction, shopping is important. See what
is available first hand, one you love and who loves you. A strong but
illusionary relationship can be made, by long distance that will leave each
party unfulfilled. Even face-to-face meetings do not always work out well since
marriages generally are difficult to negotiate to last and cross cultural ones
more so. Be sure you bride is a happy one before you marry her and you can make
her happy. Don't find a Filipina who has serious emotional problems; there are
some who have been abused. And you may not recognize the problem because of your
lack of understanding of the culture. Even if your and her intentions are good,
her emotional problems and maybe even yours, may prevent your and her happiness
in marriage. Marry with your head and your heart.
Don't neglect romance, but don't neglect common sense either. If you have
emotional problems yourself, don't expect to solve them with marriage. Marriage
has its inevitable strains. Get rid of your problems before you get married.
Being happy where you are will make it easier to be happy here.
Long-distance relationships can be tricky. Most of us do not realize the extent of the cultural divide. It is easy to overlook when writing an intelligent and stunningly beautiful girl. On the surface, Filipinos seem so much like us. But emotionally, culturally and in other not so oblivious ways, they are very different creatures from us. John Gray's "Men or from Mars and Women are From Venus," may apply here but only a little.
(This insightful book is available on the living in the this page, the second
link, The Living in the Philippines Book Store.) To be more accurate, "Foreigner men are from the Sun, and Filipinas are from the moons of
planets of another universe, or so it seems to this "foreigner."
There are "bar girls," "entertainers," "prostitutes, massage girls, with
"pleasing personalities," and Group Relations Officers, (GRO's) " here like any country, especially poor developing countries. These Filipinas are usually burdened with serious family and
often personal emotional problems, but not always as serious ones as some western "good" women. It is best that you be careful. These women are often the most beautiful of the Filipinas. That why they are targets for being hoodwinked into the prostitution or bar business. They may make good partners, but
more often they are problematic. They bring more baggage than the average man
can handle though he may feel very sorry for them. They say, "You can take the
girl out of the bar, but not the bar out of the girl."
They often are abused so much no mater how well they are treated because of
problems before and after becoming prostitutes it is often impossible for them
to form warm lasting relationships. And since a Filipino man would marry no less
than a virgin, what chance does a bar girl have at a successful relationship
with the average Filipino male? They do go after fore reign men, and know how to
get their sympathies, or at least some do, very young to be so wise. So be
careful with your heart. Use you good judgment, not just your good heart.
A romantic relationship with a Filipino or Filipina has a better chance of success if you come over and immerse yourself in the culture. And it is important to meet a woman�s or man's family because the family is so important to him or her. And maybe the family will always will be more important than you. There is an Asia saying, that is accepted in the Philippines, "You can get another wife or husband but not another mother or father."
Children here are committed to their parents who usually went through a lot to raise them. There desire is to make their parents life easier. If you are capable and refuse to help support her family who may need it because of the very hard economic situation here, she my not say anything, but she will not respect you nor understand. These are interdependent people, not dependent people, like in western cultures. They are so by choice and their cultural needs.
Why do Filipinas seem so beautiful to the western man? If you study anatomy or art, and get involved in the human face, you will be taught, that a Caucasian has eyes that are about one eye apart. For example, if the eye is one inch wide, there will be an inch in between and then the other eye. Asians have about an inch and a quarter between the eyes, giving them a child like look. Who does not think children and youth are beautiful? If you study you will also learn that as one grow older, especially Caucasians, the eyes grow closer together, becoming less attractive to those who find youth attractive.
Also, Filipinas have small noses, much like babies. Rather than getting a nose job to reduce the size of the nose a Filipina would like to get one to increase length of the nose to look �Foreign, or American." Little do they know how silly that would look to a western man or woman, and how unattractive large noses are considered on women are to western men, despite Barbara Streisand.
Filipinas often come from the countryside where they eat fresh fruits and vegetables. They fetch water and go to bed early because the sun goes down and many have no electricity. These are the truly healthy women whose tan skin has a glow to it from exercise provided by the daily chores. Many of these small dainty and romantic Filipinas can climb a coconut tree in a Manila minute. They do make wonderful wives, but don't take advantage of one. You may run up against a bolo. (A bolo is a large Filipino knife use for just about everything.)
I quote from the "Mail Order Bride" law:
Republic Act No. 6955
AN ACT TO DECLARE UNLAWFUL THE PRACTICE OF MATCHING FILIPINO WOMEN FOR MARRIAGE TO FOREIGN NATIONALS ON A MAIL ORDER BASIS AND OTHER SIMILAR PRACTICES, INCLUDING THE ADVERTISEMENT, PUBLICATION, PRINTING OR DISTRIBUTION OF BROCHURES, FLIERS AND OTHER PROPAGANDA MATERIALS IN FURTHERANCE THEREOF AND PROVIDING PENALTY THEREFORE
SECTION 1. It is the policy of the State to ensure and guarantee the enjoyment of the people of a decent standard of living. Towards this end, the State shall take measures to protect Filipino women from being exploited in utter disregard of human dignity in their pursuit of economic upliftment.
SECTION 2. Pursuant thereto, it is hereby declared unlawful:
(a) For a person, natural or juridical, association, club or any other entity to commit, directly or indirectly, any of the following acts:
(1) To establish or carry on a business which has for its purpose the matching of Filipino women for marriage to foreign nationals either on a mail-order basis or through personal introduction; cda
(2) To advertise, publish, print or distribute or cause the advertisement, publication, printing or distribution of any brochure, flier, or any propaganda material calculated to promote the prohibited acts in the preceding subparagraph;
(3) To solicit, enlist or in any manner attract or induce any Filipino woman to become a member in any club or association whose objective is to match women for marriage to foreign nationals either on a mail-order basis or through personal introduction for a fee;
(4) To use the postal service to promote the prohibited acts in subparagraph 1 hereof.
(b) For the manager or officer-in-charge or advertising manager of any
newspaper, magazine, television or radio station, or other media, or of an
advertising agency, printing company or other similar entities, to knowingly
allow, or consent to, the acts prohibited in the preceding paragraph.
SECTION 3. In case of violation of this Act by an association, club,
partnership, corporation, or any other entity, the incumbent officers thereof
who have knowingly participated in the violation of this Act shall be held
liable.
SECTION 4. Any person found guilty by the court to have violated any of the acts
herein prohibited shall suffer an imprisonment of not less than six (6) years
and one (1) day but not more than eight (8) years, and a fine of not less than
Eight thousand pesos (P8,000) but not more than Twenty thousand pesos (P20,000):
Provided, That if the offender is a foreigner, he shall be immediately deported
and barred forever from entering the country after serving his sentence and
payment of fine.
SECTION 5. Nothing in this Act shall be interpreted as a restriction on the freedom of speech and of association for purposes not contrary to law as guaranteed by the Constitution. cdtai
SECTION 6. All laws, decrees, orders, instructions, rules and regulations, or parts thereof inconsistent with this Act are hereby repealed or modified accordingly.
SECTION 7. This Act shall take effect upon its publication for two (2) consecutive weeks in a newspaper of general circulation.
Approved: June 13, 1990
 |
--
HOME -- TOP --
<< Click to subscribe
to Living Retiring, Traveling and
Doing Business In The Philippines
FREE
INFORMATION FROM EXPATS, FOREIGNERS WHO LIVE HERE, DO BUSINESS,
TRAVEL OR HAVE JUST RETIRED IN THE PHILIPPINES
|
|
"Kiss & Bliss"