Comment: "I thought that was free!"

You thought wrong. A key concept behind restaurants: You order stuff. I serve you stuff. You pay for the stuff you ordered.

Q: "Is it fresh?"

Would you believe me if I told you?

Really. Think about this. If I say it's fresh, you'd probably assume that I'm lying and if I say the food has a healthy layer of slime mould on it, you'd think me rude and sarcastic
(I *am* rude and sarcastic, but that's not the point)

Q: "Is the food good here?"

Again. Would you believe me if I told you?

Q: "Can I have a glass with some ice in it?"

Not really goofy on its own, but in context, it's really weird. This is said after someone orders BOTTLED WATER.

Doesn't this defeat the whole bottled water thing?

I used to think that this was a bit of local weirdness, but they're doing this in the movies now.

Comment:"The customer is always right."

Something else you're wrong about.

Q: "What?!?! I can make that cheaper myself!"

Yup. Capitalism. Gotta love it. Otherwise, move to Cuba (China's more into totalitarian capitalism these days).

Q: "How many people will a dinner for *two* feed?"

My guess would be 2. One if you're really hungry.

Q: "Is it fattening?"

Depends. How much of it do you intend to eat?

Q: "Do you accept [local currency] here?"

Yes, if it's real. People from Ohio, USA seem to ask this one more than others for some reason.

Q: " Can I have that with no MSG, no salt, no oil, no ... ?"

... and no flavour.

Comment: "Can I get an order of what I had last time?"
Comment: "What did I order last time? It was really good."

Erm.. May I have a clue please?

Like most restaurants, we get lots of people in everyday, and unlike fast food places, our menu is 4 pages thick, not counting the winelist and deserts. Everybody seems to think that I can somehow remember exactly what they ordered days, weeks or sometimes even years ago. I'm expected to remember the special requests they made back then too.

The argument is that the place across the street always knows what they want.
(The place across the street? It's a pizzaria.)

Comment: "I'll never come here again!"

Darn it. He's back.