Sports 1/2: Benma 1/2's Spring Splash II

Rank and team	Record	Explanation (As if they needed it)
13. BLITZBALL.	.	What does this have to do with College Football? Absolutely nothing. But I was SO LOOKING FORWARD to this mini-game in Final Fantasy X-2, and they f****d it up. COMPLETELY different from the original in Final Fantasy X. I can deal with the changes to the game itself. I can even deal with the changes in the way it's played. But I can't deal with the fact that you DON'T PLAY IT AT ALL, you WATCH it. Where's the fun in that? What a waste of DVD space.
12. BOWL ELIGIBILITY.	6-6?	You've seen this before. Too many bowl games, too many mediocre teams getting bids. I mean, if you can't even get above .500 you have NO BUSINESS playing in the week leading up to New Year's Day. And yet, somehow, 6-6 teams have been getting bowls since the 12 game schedule has become the norm. Pathetic.
11. THE ONE-FERS.	1-11.	So technically there are five of them, but since one plays in the SUNBELT Conference they don't get separated from it. The remaining four, in no particular odor are: ILLINOIS (0-8 conference) in the TOP TO BOTTOM BEST CONFERENCE IN AMERICA, the Big 10 1/2"...LEAST CAROLINA and BUFFALO (1-7), and perennial Big Least cellar dweller TEMPLE (0-7).
10. KELLEN WINSLOW JR.	.	I had a piece written on this, but decided to change it due to an infinitely hilarious chat my buddy and I were having. HC: The Fiesta Bowl stinks; the Orange Bowl stinks even more. Once again Miami vs Flast. ME: So lame. Didn't we see that st two months ago? HC: St, they need to play in the Humanitarian Bowl. We saw the rain bowl already (time for the) snow bowl. Frozen Hurricanes...Kellen Winslow can do another Heisman pose as a soldier of war on the gridiron. ME: LMAO!!! END CHAT. But it's so true! "Going to war" as if HE would know. When you're dealing with threats of global terrorism, this comment is just plain STUPID.
9. THE SUNBELT CONFERENCE.	.	Well, NORTH TEXAS (9-3) has once again proved they're CREAM OF THE CRAP, and provides strength to LSwho's schedule...not. Or wait, is that also 1-11 LOUSIANA-MONROE? Just wait...the bomb is about do drop...
8. ARMY AND SMU.	0-25.	0-13 ARMY versus 0-12 SMU is a matchup WORTHY of the BcS. I told you last month these two teams would be back here for this edition, and of course, I was right. Two defeated teams in I-A this year...makes up for not having any last year, doesn't it? ;)
7. THE ORANGE BOWL.	.	Bowl game rematches SUCK. Period. And yet, we have to sit through another Flast-Miami stinker. DON'T EVEN try to build this up, you network hacks. At least this time, Flast should have a good shot with NO RAIN.
6. STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE, PART ONE.	.	IDIOTS who say USC needs this team to win this game and that team to win that game to help our strength of schedule PISS ME OFF. They DON'T HAVE A CLUE about college football. I am NOT going to root for someone like NOTRE DAME even if it were to help our cause. FTS. I have integrity!
5. ACC OFFICIALS FOR FLAST-FLORIDA.	.	FIVE BAD CALLS cost Florida the game, but I didn't mind because of the...
4. CBS ANNOUNCERS FOR FLAST-FLORIDA!	.	I started off rooting for Florida. And then the announcers brought up the BcS. And talked about it. And TALKED about it. AND TALKED ABOUT IT! Finally, I got SO PISSED OFF I began rooting for Flast. MORONS!!!
3. STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE? PART TWO!.	.	Because I am not one to sit idly by and have numbers thrown at me without verifying them, ESPECIALLY when those numbers screw Alma Mater over and when it comes to a sport close to my heart, I decided to see just how accurate the BcS's strength of schedule really was (29th for LSwho and 37th for the MIGHTY Trojans of USC.) And what I found was very, VERY enlightening. LSU played ELEVEN games against I-A opponents, who had a combined record of 61-72 for a winning percentage of .459. For argument's sake, let's add in I-AA Western Illinois, whose 9-4 record makes it 70-76 for a .479 winning percentage. Don't forget, there is an extra loss to Georgia I am omitting because of the conference championship rematch. USC'S STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE consists of TWELVE games against I-A opponents, who have a combined record of 70-75 for a winning percentage of .483. But somehow...WE have the weaker schedule...?
2. CHOKE-LAHOMA.	.	CHO---klahoma where Darren Sproles comes running down the plain! "It's not fair that Oklahoma has to face the pressure of playing an extra game" in a BLOATED CIRCUS CONFERENCE that has so many teams that it almost NEEDS a championship game. "It's not fair that Oklahoma has to face the pressure of playing an extra game" where they LOOKED AHEAD to the Sugar Bowl and got STOMPED by a team that everyone in the nation, including myself, thought was mediocre because of two wins against I-AA schools this season. And yet, a TEAM THAT DOESN'T EVEN WIN ITS OWN CONFERENCE, for the second time in three years, goes to the BcS National Chumpionship Game. R.I.P., computers.
1. BS.	.	Because there is no "C" in BullSt. EVERY YEAR I follow the mantra "let the games play out" and pray that some modicum of integrity is going to follow. And yet, the NUMBER ONE TEAM IN ALL THE LAND is excluded from the BS "Championship" Game. What the fk is that? You just read the strength of schedule arguments. You just read about Choke-lahoma...need I say more? Probably not, but I will. I have seen all three teams play. I have seen Choke-lahoma get BLOWN OUT by Kansas State on a NEUTRAL FIELD. I hae seen Florida beat LSU in an offense-less (by most people's standards) 19-7 game AT LSU. And I have seen USC lose 34-31 to UC Berzerkeley in TRIPLE OVERTIME ON THE ROAD. If I may be unbiased for a moment, USC is hands-down the best team in America. Pete Carroll does tend to lose a game early in the season and has roared back the last two seasons. But you cannot tell me any offense is doing better right now. And the defense mirrors the Rams' "bend-but-don't-break" attitude, doing good enough. Are we going to have our hands full with Michigan? Definitely. It depends on which defense decides to show up. Will it be the defense that got burned by Echemandu, the secondary that got smoked by Oregon State in the first drive of the game or the last drive of the first half? Or will it be the defense that handed Auburn a shutout in the first game of the season? THE BOTTOM LINE IS THIS: The HUMAN Polls have us ranked #1. We're in the bowl game we BELONG IN EVERY YEAR. This is a system that the Rose Bowl and the PAC 10 and Big 10 1/2" should NEVER HAVE AGREED TO. We beat Michigan, we should stay #1 in the polls. It will be a split national championship, the very thing the BS was designed to prevent. And the computer poll will implode. AND NOW A PLUG FOR MY BOYCOTT--If you join me in boycotting the Sugar Bowl January 4th on ABC, we can give the game incredibly poor ratings and exact revenge on the BS. For my friends in the TiVo community, I add that you give it three thumbs down as soon as it appears in your cache two weeks prior to the game. One person can make a difference, and that person could be you.

AND COMING IN DECEMBER, IF NECESSARY:

The BENMA CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES

Benma 1/2's Spring Splash II (BSSII) (c).
Anything Goes School of Masquerade Arts (AGSMA) (c).
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