We often get questions from people who are considering adopting, or making an adoption plan for a child. This page will contain answers to the most common questions, as well as some of our impressions about the open adoption process. We're *not* authorities, but the experience can be difficult at times and we'd like to help anyone we can.

Adoption is a profound life experience ... nobody can be involved with it and remain untouched. It always involves either losing a child (any parent's worst nightmare) or gaining a child, which seems to be an impossible dream for many. When these deeply personal and important issues are complicated by mistrust, deception, unjust laws or simple ignorance, the emotional scars can be impossible to heal.

Most adoptions today are closed; that is, the biological parents of the child completely lose contact with the child soon after the birth. This is often enforced by law, in which case the child and adoptive family are blocked from ever knowing the identities of the birth parents, and vice versa. This is often perceived (or even used!) as a form of punishment of birth mothers who are left with a terrible loss. The child will always have unanswered questions that may haunt them for the rest of their life, and the adoptive parents may live in fear that someday the birth parents will come and "steal" their child away.

Open adoption implies an ongoing relationship between the child, the adoptive parents, and the birth parents. This relationship can be very active, with frequent phone calls, visits, etc. between the families or not as much, just exchanging names and addresses. In each case the child should have the freedom to contact the birth parents when they choose, and will always understand that they are adopted.

This course requires a lot of trust, and is frightening for many. But we've found joy in our open adoption. We send pictures and videos and talk on the phone, as well as over email. In practice, it's like having another set of in-laws (and I mean that in a good way, Mary!). Our birth families know that Emily is loved and cared for, and that they haven't adandoned her. On our part, we don't have fears of losing Emily, and we get the useful stories and information about how her relatives grew up that biological parents take for granted. Emily has met several of her relatives, including her brother, birthmother, an aunt, birth-grandmother, and even her birthmom's grandparents. Even though she's still a baby we want her to understand how special she is to all of us, and as she grow us we fully expect that she will continue to love and care about her birth family.

You might also look at a couple of professional sites, Independent Adoption Center (IAC) and adoption.com. These deal primarily with U.S. adoptions. I should state that although IAC was our agency, there is a lot of useful information on their site, and they are proponents of open adoption. Check them out if you're considering adopting a child.

There are also thousands of adoption stories on the Web. Many of them are tragic, but some offer hope to us all. A really wonderful and very personal site is Lynn's Adoption Story and Search.