Talking

by Remma (morennab@yahoo.co.uk)

"So, you're really going to do it then?"

"Someone has to, and every time you try talking to Sam, you just dig yourself in deeper."

"I know. I don't know what to say to her when she gets all...uh...girly."

"Girly? Sam?"

"I'm telling you...simpering. Pure barbie."

"Oh my god. It's worse than I thought. How could you possibly not have noticed this before?"

"She was never this bad before. It was rough for awhile after the zanex thing, but then everything sort of settled down. I really thought she was over her crush. I have no idea what's set her off again."

"Well, whatever it was, this needs to be sorted out."

"I guess."

"Jack?"

"Well, I was quite taken with your first plan of doing nothing...you know, let things sort themselves out. Carter's bound to get over this sometime, right?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I don't think doing nothing is an option anymore, not since she took to calling around unannounced. That's twice now she's nearly caught us. We can't take the chance of her finding out by accident, think how hurt she'd be. Jack, I know you don't want to tell her about us, but don't you think..."

"Daniel, no. Absolutely not. There is no way we can tell anyone about our relationship. You knew that when we started."

"Yes, but..."

"No. Not possible."

"Okay, fine. I promise not to say a word about us. I'll just have to think of some other way to put her off. Maybe if I mentioned your tendency to...oh no, that won't work, she'd want to know how I know about it, and..."

"What?"

"What?"

"My tendency to what, Daniel?"

"Oh, did I say that out loud? Sorry."

"Daniel, what tendency?"

"Nothing, Jack, forget I said it."

"You haven't actually said anything yet, have you?"

"Well, that's okay then. Shall we go now? I'd hate to be late."

"You're always late...why change the habit of a lifetime."

"And you're always early. Don't you think it would look a little suspect if we both show up late...and together."

"Don't start with me. All I said was that we needed to keep our relationship private...be discreet. That does not mean pretending we don't even know each other."

"So, letting people know that we spent the night together is discreet, is it?"

"Damn. Your just trying to distract me, aren't you?"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"My tendency?"

"God, Jack, you can be so insecure sometimes."

"Dammit, Daniel. Tell me now, or I am seriously going to have to hurt you."

"Ahh, bless. You know, Jack, you're really sweet when you go all alpha male like that."

"I am not sweet. I'm a very dangerous man."

"Of course you are, love. I'm really scared...shaking in my boots, here."

"People are terrified of me...lots of people...you called me love."

"I did not."

"Did so."

"Okay, maybe I did...so what?"

"So...it's...nice. I like it."

"Oh. Okay. Don't let it go to your head."

"Wouldn't dream of it. Daniel..."

"I'm not telling you what tendency, Jack."

"Crap."

"When are you planning on talking to Daniel?"

"Today. I thought it would be best to leave it 'till it's nearly time to go. That way, if he has any questions, we can go out for a drink and talk things through."

"That makes sense, since you seem determined to do this. Are you really sure it's such a good idea?"

"I don't want Daniel feeling hurt or left out. You said yourself that it would have been better for him to hear about the fallout from the zatarc disaster from one of us. Besides, he and the Colonel are close, he might know the best way to...uh..."

"So, you're actually going to be pumping him for information. I like your thinking...you go, girl"

"I wouldn't put it like that...exactly. I just want to...um..."

"Pump him for information."

"No, well...yes."

"Good tactic, I thoroughly approve."

"You don't think it's a little..."

"I think it's a lot...but so what. You do whatever you need to, Sam."

"My god, you are totally ruthless...remind me never to cross you."

"Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to get by in this man's army."

"You get by just fine, Janet. You know perfectly well that practically every man on base, from the General on down, is terrified of you."

"Well, sure. They know I can order a full physical at the drop of a hat. Now that's power."

"I am so glad that you're my friend."

"Why, thank-you, hon."

"Seriously, Janet, I never would have had the nerve to do any of this without your encouragement."

"Sam..."

"No, really, I've always lived by the rules, gone straight down the line. It's not easy for me to even consider breaking protocol like this. If it wasn't for you, I would probably have just accepted that any relationship between the Colonel and me was impossible, at least until he retired. So, thank-you."

"My pleasure, Sam. Seeing you and Colonel O'Neill happy together is all the thanks I need."

"Well, with any luck, that won't be too distant."

"Who needs luck, when you have love."

"Hey, Daniel, you busy?"

"Oh...uh...Sam, hi. No, no, not busy. Actually, I was about to come and see you...uhm...for
a...for a chat."

"Oh. What did you want to talk about? Something important?"

"Oh, no...uhm...nothing really."

"Oh."

"I just thought...uhm...well, it's been awhile since we had a...uhm...chat. So.

"Oh, yes, I guess it has been awhile."

"How about you?"

"What?"

"You wanted to see me. Was it anything...uhm..."

"Important?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Oh."

"I thought that we could maybe get together over a cup of coffee and...uhm..."

"Chat?"

"Yes."

"Okay, good. That's good. We could go to my office, or...uhm..."

"Your office is fine, Daniel. And your coffee is about the best on the base."

"Yes, well, I like to get my priorities right, and good coffee is at the top of my list of life's essentials."

"Sounds like you've got your life all sorted out."

"Almost. So, Sam. How're the experiments going with that doohickey?"

"Doohickey, Daniel? You know, you're spending way too much time with Colonel O'Neill, you're even starting to sound like him."

"Uh, right. Wouldn't want that, would we."

"I guess not. One Jack O'Neill on SG-1 is more than enough."

"Right, absolutely. So..."

"So. Daniel, how's the translation going?"

"Pretty much gone, actually."

"Oh, that's...uh...good."

"Yes. Sam..."

"Daniel..."

"Oh, sorry, go ahead."

"No, it's okay, after you."

"No, really, Sam. I wasn't going to say anything much."

"Oh, okay. Well...uhm...this is a little difficult to talk about. Daniel, I don't know if you heard anything about what happened with the zatarc detectors..."

"Yes."

"What?"

"Yes, I heard something about what happened with the zatarc detectors."

"Oh, well...uhm...what did you hear, exactly?"

"It's not important now, Sam. I've talked to Jack, and he set me straight."

"Oh. That's...uhm...good. Daniel, We never meant for you to be hurt..."

"I know. It's fine. I'm fine."

"I know we should have told you the truth at the time, but..."

"Sam, it's okay. Jack explained that it was all a mistake."

"Oh. He did?"

"Yes."

"Well, see, that's the thing, Daniel, the rumors weren't entirely untrue..."

"Sam..."

"No, let me finish, please. What I'm trying to say is, nothing happened between us, but things were said."

"Yes, I know what was said. Sam..."

"Daniel, please, I need you to understand."

"I do, but..."

"Because I'm considering taking things further with the Colonel."

"Fuck. Sam, you can't."

"Please don't be upset, Daniel, I swear it won't make any difference to the team..."

"Sam, stop. You don't understand. I'm not upset, I just...I...Sam, I love you...you're my friend. I don't want you to be hurt."

"Oh, Daniel, I love you too, you're one of the best friends I've ever had. That's why I'm talking to you first, before I go to the Colonel."

"No, look, Sam..."

"I promise Daniel, we'll still be as close..."

"Sam..."

"So you see, nothing will really change..."

"Right. Sam..."

"The last thing I want is..."

"Dammit, Sam...he doesn't love you."

"What?"

"He...Jack...doesn't love you. I'm sorry."

"No, you're wrong. He said..."

"He said he cared about you...and you had to prompt him to say even that much."

"No, that can't be. It was obvious...obvious. If you'd seen his face..."

"But that's just Jack. He hates to admit, even to himself, that he isn't in control."

"But, Daniel, you don't know what he was like when I was trapped behind the forceshield...he would have died rather than leave me."

"I'm aware of that. But, seriously Sam, do you honestly believe that he would have left any of us behind?"

"He left you on Klorel's ship."

"That was a completely different situation. He still had a job to do then, he didn't when you were trapped, so he could stay. Come on, Sam. You know what he's like about leaving people behind."

"No, you're wrong. I don't know why you're being like this, but you're wrong."

"I'm not, Sam. Do you really think I like saying this stuff to you? Because I don't. I hate it. I hate upsetting you, but I don't know how else..."

"Stop! That's enough, Daniel. I don't want to hear any more. I'm truly sorry you're unhappy about the Colonel and I being together, but I don't need you permission. I came to talk to you out of courtesy and friendship, but you..."

"Sam..."

"No, I don't want to hear it, and I think we should stay away from each other until you can come to terms with the way things are. When you're ready to be reasonable, we can talk again, but..."

"Sam..."

"Good-bye, Daniel."

"Ah, crap."

"Sam, what is it, what's wrong?

"Give me a minute, Janet. I'm too mad to talk right now."

"Why, what's happened?"

"Daniel."

"Oh. The little chat didn't go well?"

"That's putting it mildly. He completely lost it. Absolutely refused to accept that Colonel O'Neill had feelings for me."

"My god, what did he say?"

"He said that he knew all about what had happened, and that caring didn't equal loving."

"He actually said that?"

"Yes, and he had the nerve to say that he was only thinking of me...that he didn't want me to be hurt."

"Well, Sam, he does care about you."

"I know that. That's what makes all this so awful. Why would he say those things to me."

"Daniel's such a sweetie, maybe if he really believed that the Colonel wasn't in love with you..."

"Yes, that makes sense. But..."

"What, Sam?"

"It's just, he seemed so sure. Janet, he said that he'd talked to the Colonel about this...what if I'm the one that's wrong?"

"But you said that the Colonel was devastated when he couldn't free you from the forceshield, and he did say that he'd rather die than lose you."

"That's true."

"Maybe..."

"Yes?"

"Well, if the Colonel thought that it was impossible for him to have a relationship with you, and Daniel was upset, then..."

"Then he might tell him that the whole thing was a mistake."

"Exactly. You know how bad the Colonel is at handling emotions. He would probably say almost anything to keep Daniel happy."

"Yes, and if he was embarrassed, which he would be, he probably wasn't all that clear, so..."

"So Daniel may well have misunderstood."

"Which would explain Daniel's bizarre behaviour. Damn, this makes everything so much harder. Now he'll be doubly hurt when he finds out the truth."

"Maybe if he had something...or someone to distract him..."

"Janet? you wouldn't be applying for the post, would you?"

"Well, like Cassie said, Daniel is hot."

"He is. You should go for it."

"Well, maybe. In the meantime, what are you going to do next? Talk to the Colonel?"

"I don't know...maybe I should talk to Teal'c first."

"Why Teal'c?"

"Well, he's a part of the team too, and a lot less emotional than Daniel. Once he knows the situation, I'm sure he'd be prepared to help. He might even be willing to talk to Daniel...explain things to him."

"Good thinking. And he already knows about the zatarc thing, so it won't be a total shock to him."

"That's right, it won't. Yes, that's what I'll do...I'll talk to Teal'c. First thing in the morning."

"Yo, Daniel, how'd it...crap. That bad?"

"Worse."

"Crap."

"Jack, she absolutely wouldn't listen. I tried to tell her, but she was so sure that you were in love with her. Are you sure you've never..."

"No, Daniel. I swear, I have never done anything to make her believe that...at least...not deliberately. It's just...you know...Carter's hard to stop when she's on a roll."

"Tell me about it. God, it was awful. I think she hates me."

"No, I'm sure she doesn't...she loves you."

"She did. Now she hates me. Fuck."

"Geez, Daniel, what the hell happened?"

"I panicked."

"And?"

"And...I told her you didn't love her."

"What, right out told her?"

"Yes."

"Crap."

"I know."

"Well, at least now she knows..."

"She didn't believe me."

"What?"

"She didn't believe me. She thought I was only saying it because I was upset, or jealous, or just plain wrong. God. She hates me."

"Crap."

"Yeah."

"So now what?"

"I have no idea. I guess she'll come to you and declare her passion."

"Crap."

"And she'll expect you to do the same."

"Crap, crap, crap and damn."

"Yeah."

"Dammit, there has to be some way to head her off at the pass."

"I tried that. It didn't work. You're just going to have to tell her your not interested."

"And how do I do that without making it impossible for us to work together."

"I don't know."

"I don't get it, why is she so sure?"

"I don't...oh...oh...uhm...Janet."

"Janet?"

"Yes, of course, it has to be Janet."

"What has to be Janet?"

"Jack, pay attention. Janet is the one who's behind this."

"What? How?"

"She's encouraging Sam to go ahead...convincing her that you two should be together."

"Why would she do that?"

"Because she likes you, likes Sam, and likes to interfere. We're talking Janet here, Jack. She's more of a control freak than you are. And she probably believes everything she's saying, so to her mind, she's aiding the course of true love. After all, as far as Sam and Janet are concerned, you aren't seeing anyone else, and haven't been interested in seeing anyone else for a very long time. It would be perfectly reasonable to assume that you were pining for Sam."

"Pining?"

"Why not?"

"I don't pine, I have never pined."

"Oh, really?"

"Oh...oh...uhm...except for you, of course."

"Is the right answer."

"Sweet. Uhm...every moment I'm away from you is purely miserable and lonely...in fact..."

"Jack, no need to overdo it."

"Oh, okay. I was going for extra credit."

"Right."

"So, assuming you're right, which you always are..."

"Still going for extra credit, Jack?"

"No, I actually meant that. Where was I?"

"We were assuming I was right."

"O-kay then...how does this help us?"

"You can talk to Janet, set her straight, and then she can talk to Sam."

"You're kidding, right."

"No, why? What's wrong with that plan?"

"You want me to talk to Janet? Alone?"

"Oh, come on. She's not that scary."

"Hah!"

"You got a better plan?"

"Yeah, you talk to Janet."

"Jack, don't be an ass. This isn't high school. What...I'm supposed to go up to her and say 'hey, Janet, my friend doesn't want to go out with your friend.' Right. That'll work."

"It might."

"It won't. Besides, if Sam didn't believe me, why should Janet. There's no way I could ever convince either of them. Not without telling them *how* I know. Which I can't do...we have to be discreet. So, it has to be you, Jack. You have to be the one to talk to Janet."

"Damn, you're right. God, I hate this stuff."

"I know."

"Can we at least leave it 'till tomorrow?"

"Why?"

"Because if I'm going to go head to head with the mighty midget, I need a night of hot, sticky sex to pump me up."

"Hot and sticky, huh? Works for me. And you'd better not let Janet hear you calling her that, or there won't be enough left of you for me or Sam."

"I can take her, I'm not scared."

"That's it...you keep telling yourself that. So, you done here?"

"Sure, you?"

"Aha. Let's get off home, forget this mess for tonight...after all 'tomorrow is another day'."

"Yeah, right. Come on then, Scarlet, get your cute little butt in gear, and let's hit the road."

***The End***

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