stephjournal3

The day after we arrived in the US we leased a car. Mike began orientation almost immediately, and our boxes from Northern Ireland weren't set to arrive for 6 more weeks. We had rented an apartment and had absolutely no furniture to put in it. We were unable to buy anything on credit because I was not working, and Michael did not have any established credit in the US.

On Michael's first day, I woke up early and made him a breakfast fit for a king...eggs, bacon, pancakes, coffee....I spared nothing. He was so nervous though that all he could manage to get down was a few sips of coffee! Within a few hours he called me to tell me that he had gotten his call schedule and that he would have to take call that very night. To top it off, he was put on Cardiology which would mean that our month of call was q3. I tried not to sound disappointed. I wanted him to know that I supported him and told him we'd be fine...though I wasn't so sure. My oldest was 17 months old and my daughter was only a few weeks old. I was exhausted, and sad about leaving friends behind. I felt this abysmal uncertaintly about what our three years of residency would be, and for the first time in our marriage, began to seriously doubt if we could handle it.

Internship year was one of the hardest in my life. I became depressed because of the isolation and eventually my husband talked me into taking a class at the local college. If I applied for a second degree program, I could receive financial aid, and this would definately improve our financial situation. I hesitated, but decided to try. I found a woman to watch the children two mornings a week for 3 hours and began getting out of the house. It helped to get out and have some time for me!

I would say though that still that first year was punctuated by my feeling depressed. It seemed like Michael was always at work, and if he wasn't, he was in bed sleeping. He had call on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter...and all of our birthdays. We became more distant from each other and our conversations turned more and more frequently to disagreements.

Just when I thought I couldn't survive another day, we celebrated the end of PGY-1!