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Bird Story

    There were those who thought her crazy, homeless, and those who knew her for what she truly was: Queen of the Ducks. The former were entirely human, the latter mostly ducks.

    She lived in the park; no one had ever seen her elsewhere. She sat at a bench with her flock about her most of the day. One might think she was feeding them, but she was their Queen and they her subjects, and as such, they fed her. They made for her a crown of feathers and sticks. They made for her ceremonial wings which she hung from her back.

    When she moved, they followed, closing ranks around her, squawking warning to any enemies in the kingdom.

    At night, she slept among and under her ducks, a quacking quilt and mattress. Those closest to her tucked their heads under her arms and legs (sadly, she lacked true wings). Those in the middle kept their heads underneath their wings, those at the edge stayed vigilant through the night, bills at the ready to quack alarm or peck out the eyes of any intruder.

     It was a nice life. She was a benevolent ruler and her kingdom rewarded her for it. Then on one warm autumn day, He came.

    He came in a white car with black roof and doors. Its backseat was full of loaves of bread in plastic bags. He stepped out regally, wearing a thick down coat and a tall hat with flaps. He took a bag of bread from the back, emptied it on to the hood and without ceremony began to shred a loaf, scattering the morsels on the ground.

    This would have been enough to tempt normal ducks, but not hers. Her mallards, drakes and ducklings stayed around her in tight formation, waiting.

    He turned and his eyes met the Queens. He smiled and waved.

    Then the sky darkened and the air filled with the beating of wings and horrible screeching. Sea gulls, rats with wings, in the hundreds.

    He tore and tossed more and more bread, loaf after loaf.. The vile gutter birds worked themselves into a frenzy of breadlust. A swirling tempest, wings dirty white, eyes beady black, feathers, feces and blood.

    A looping string of seagull shit fell from the fray and hung from the Queens crown, bending the tallest feather.

    When the gulls had taken their fill, they landed behind their lord in long order. A regular field of filthy fowl.

    The ducks trembled and wozzled with fear.

    "The time has come, old woman, to recognize my power," he said, and threw his arms wide like an angry Christ. His swarm erupted from behind him, descending.


     Her ducks, through outnumbered, were brave. The armies clashed, wing to wing. The seagulls pulled back, swooping north across the sky, blocking the sun. The ducks gave chase, flanking them, only to have the head of the swarm turn on them as they attacked the tail. Bodies of dead birds sank through the air like stones. It was madness.

    Both the King and Queen watched frozen. Eyes peeled, ears open. She noticed it first; the movement of the competing flocks seemed to change. The noise from the fracas shifted. Her ducks ceased quacking warlike and began to croon. The King was ignorant of the meaning of duck calls, but he understood his seagulls' shrieking. It was no longer agony or anger, but ecstasy.


    To see two birds mate in mid-air is a strange thing. It is a quick poking--- one might think they were exchanging fervent secrets through their genitals. The seagulls and ducks shared many secrets, poking whispers at one then frantically flapping off to tell another.

    It was a swirling, interspecies orgy of feathers and fucking, the air thick with a fog of seagull spunk, duck pud. Ripe eggs plummeted and stained the King's car. Down fell like snowflakes.

    The Queen of Ducks looked up with joyous laughter, and the King of Seagulls tore himself to pieces in rage.


This story originally appeared in Writer's Hood, October 2002