D.A.M.'s Infertility Resources

01/15/04
New update towards the bottom (boy this is getting long!!) Be sure to check out the page I've mentioned below-it's worth it!

12/02/99 If you find yourself here and are still unable to express your feelings to yourself and your family, I urge you to click here. I urge you to send it to your family and friends. My best friend sent it to me, she now is able to understand it a little better. Please take a tissue, though, I've cried 3 times already!

**Definitions for abbreviations can be found at the bottom of the page**

After a lot of soul searching I decided to post a page about infertility. You never really think it could happen to you, you always assume it could happen at any time. Well, I blew that theory out of the water about 11 years ago. If you read my bio you know that Dave and I have been married for 11 years this past July. I thought when we got married "Oh, we'll have a baby right away" well, after not having my period for over a year I began to think, "Well maybe not!" Being in the military and in Japan I had to go to the OB/GYN for a checkup and the first thing they do of course is give a pregnancy test, one of the many in almost 12 years that have turned up negative. So I get put on a combination of Provera and Premarin (to this day I don't understand why I was put on Premarin, I don't think it has anything to do with infertility), and in the first month gained 30lbs. Now, I was always 120-125lbs so I was very frustrated.

I didn't start actual treatments until 1993, when I started a full workup. Oh, I had had bloodtests, but nothing conclusive. My first dose of Chlomid was 50mg and didn't do squat for me, I was still having to use the Provera to have a period, and I was slowly gaining more weight, I didn't hardly recognize myself.

When we got to Hawaii, I immediately went to Tripler Army Hospital and had my yearly pap and talked to a Dr who couldn't believe after all these years nothing more thorough had been done. He set up an ultrasound and saw an abnormality with my uterous so he scheduled an HSG. Now, DH went with me to this and came inside to lend his moral support, I thank GOD everyday for him and his understanding. The HSG showed positive fill and spill on both sides of my tubes so everything appeared normal. (Although I was in a bit of pain!)

I kept going back and forth, taking more chlomid and higher doses. I was thought to have either a septate or bicornuate Uterus, but after a hysteroscopy and laparoscopy in Dec of 95 they found that it was just slightly rounded, instead. Still, no periods on my own and no mention to me of any sort of diagnosis.

After going there for 2 years, and leaving everytime in tears due to frustration I finally decided to take advantage of my new medical insurance from my job. So I took my phonebook thick medical records home with me and began reading. I discovered as far back as 93 I was thought to have exhibited signs of PCO. An ultrasound before I left Tripler confirmed it and was never told of it until August 96. DH and I were pissed. He wanted to scream, wanting to know why after all that time nobody had mentioned it. We never got a straight answer.

I started going to Kaiser shortly after that, but only got to go 3 times due to losing my job (emergency in the family) I don't have my medical insurance anymore either. So now I am taking a much needed break, and sharing my story with others, it's a way to keep my frustrations in check.

Once we were in Ft Meade, Maryland my body started to do some weird things. I had a spontaneous period last month (ouch!!) and am cramping now like I will again.

**UPDATE** I never did have another spontaneous period, I guess I will have to resolve to go back to the doctor right after the new year. I have to admit taking this time off has been good for me, I have shed a couple pounds without the hormone pills, but I still look like hell (to me). I have picked up Toni Weschler's book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and have taken a lot of the advice to heart. I am going to start charting and see if it leads me anywhere.

I also picked up a book by Mercedes Wilson called Love and Fertility who practices the "Ovulation Method" too. I ordered it thru Borders because they didn't have any in stock. Either book in my opinion is a good choice, the Love and Fertility book, though gives you charts and stickers to use. Unfortunately I just haven't been able to use them....maybe next year!

***~UPDATE~***I had a spontaneous cycle last month, of course I didn't ovulate, this would be I think day 45, of course no sign of AF and took yet another pg test and of course, what else but another negative result .... I am looking for a board certified gyn right now, I am just trying to learn all the in's and outs of an HMO, never had one before ....

***~~update~~***After that last cycle I haven't had another. I think it's been almost 9 months since my last (any other circumstance and that would be good news!) Some day I will get the courage to go back to the doctor. Hubby was just so tired of seeing me get my hopes up and then having them crash again. He doesn't want to see that happen again.

~*~*~*update~*~*~* 17 February, 1999 .. I finally went to the doctor, on my B-day no less! on the 4th I went in, had another work-up (blood) and my annual pap, also put on some Progesterone so I could have my period, haven't had one since May of 98 (yikes! under any other circumstance that'd be great!!) I got my blood results back the other day, FSH 5 and LH 14 .. doc says definitely PCO (but I already knew that). I have another appt tomorrow (18 Feb) and she's going to put me on Metformin and test for insulin resistance ... we're also going to pick out an RE .. so finally I've accomplished something! :)

**update May 31st, 1999** Well, we're now in Indiana and I'm not seeing any doctors at the moment (since I'm not working I don't have insurance. Before we left Maryland I found a good GYN who knew something about PCO. We did the normal battery of tests and discovered that I am in fact insulin resistant (borderline) but we decided to try the Metformin for treatment. Within the first month I'd lost about 8 pounds! :) I'm still hoping it will jump start my period, but I may go ahead and decide to take the Provera I have since I've not had a period now in over a year ... I know, I know, it's bad for me but I can't help but to have that small lingering hope that it'll start on it's own ... I keep thinking maybe next week...

**June 28th 1999** ... I just started a new job, I'm not eligible for insurance for 90 days ... I'm sweating it because I will run out of the Metformin before then ... I tried (finally) the Provera from the 1st-10th of June and cramped and BARELY spotted, not exactly what I expected after a YEAR of no period ...I'm afraid to find out why the Provera didn't work, it always has before. Once I get some more info about my upcoming insurance I will start looking for a doctor. It'll take me 2 months to just do the research alone! ..

*~*~*~October 2nd, 1999~*~*~* Had my first Dr appt yesterday since Maryland. The insurance my company has is crap and doesn't cover a lot of infertility stuff. I had another pap, was given 4 months worth of Metformin refills and told to take Provera so I can have a period. I told him I tried a few months ago and nothing happened which seemed very strange to me for not having one in over a year he said it could be because my body may not be producing (enough) estrogen. I am not sure whether I like him or not. He looked over my previous medical records and actually paid attention to them, which I DO like, that way I don't have to go repeat another million tests to tell us what every other doctor already has. This doctor mentioned IVF to me like he didn't like the odds of me trying to get pregnant without it, said I'd have to go to the university for it. I know we don't have the money for it but I don't really even know if I have the strength to do it right now ..... I still want a child very badly but maybe God has another plan for me. After 10 years maybe the message still isn't clear?

*~*~*~Update*~*~*~ April 7th, 2000
Not much has happened in the last 6 months. I'm continuing the daily Metformin pills, and what we hoped to happen, hasn't, which was set my cycle back in place, so I'm taking the Provera so I can have my first cycle since October. (This ought to be painful!) The one GOOD thing about the last 6 months though is that I've lost about 10-15 pounds!! If I keep up like this then I'll be happy!! I need to make an appointment to see that doctor again, maybe then I'll make my decision if I like him or not. I still have my child yearnings but I don't allow myself to dwell on it. I do think seriously about adoption but just haven't taken the steps to get the information, maybe it just isn't the right time and GOD knows that? We go to church on Sundays, he knows what I pray for, so when the time is right and my body gives in then I'll be blessed with a child. I'm blessed with my dogs and my husband and my best friend and her kids (Shelby, Austin and Kaylee are the sweetest!!) I'll try to keep this a little more updated, it's like my own little online diary!

~*~*~*December 12th, 2000*~*~*~ Well, no, I'm not pregnant, yet, not really trying, just having fun being "promiscuous" with hubby!! HA HA! No, the big news lately for me is that I had a breast reduction in November-went down 2 shirt sizes. What a difference! My self confidence is back up again, I feel better (no more backaches) and look better (no more huge shirts just to fit my boobs) I am pretty much healed, too, still a little internal swelling but not too bad, the scars are healing nicely, too. I will most likely put an informational page up later on all about it. No spontaneous periods for me, so we're still up against that road block. I guess if it's meant to be it will happen.

~*~*~*July 8th, 2001*~*~*~ No real news from the homefront, no pregnancy, no spontaneous periods no real weight loss to speak of. On the bright side, since my Breast reduction I have real feeling in my breasts, I never really had that before. They're a lot more tender and actually a little sensual now, that's weird to say, but it's all new to me!! I'm still at the realization that if it happens it will happen, I've come to the reality that I may never me a mom other than to my dogs. Some days I'm ok with it and others I'm not, but I still am not ready to go back thru the battery of tests and meds. Someday, I guess, I will be emotionally stable enough to handle it, but until then, I am happy with the way my life is going, and isn't that what really matters?

*~*~*~*~August 1st, 2001*~*~*~* Boy, two updates in two months, what's going on here? :) My sister Stacey found a dr that she wants me to go see, she is supposed to know a lot about PCO and people in my situation who have been unable to have kids and has been able to help, so I called, but it turns out that I have to go thru her PA (physicians assistant) before I can ever get to her, I just hate having to go in and giving my life's story to one person just to be passed on to someone else. I guess that's why we still have no kids, I'm tired of the disappointment. Dave and I have actually discussed adoption a lot more lately, his insurance covers it and his work will help to pay for the lawyers costs, it's just there are so many disappointments out there, too, it's all hurry up and wait. I've seen so much heartache out there, it's no wonder that people go to other countries to try to get children. There are so many unwanted children out there in the world yet there are also so many loving people out there ready to open their arms to a child but no EASY way for them to get together. Well, enough of my rambling, I'm off to dream some more of a family, until then I'll surround myself with my dogs (seems they just keep coming .... ) ... until my next update, baby dust to all.

~*~*~*~Update-September 8th, 2001~*~*~*~
It's been a weird month, I had a spontaneous period on the 23rd of August, no cramps, no warning, just blood, it lasted for about 4 1/2 days, about normal for me, but what's normal anymore? The last period I had was in April when I took the Provera to have it, so this was a bit of a shock. The above post has been a big thought in my life for the last month, a neighbor across the street has a daughter that is pregnant, she's 16, a JR in High School and unmarried. The boyfriend is still in the picture, but he's just turned 16 and lives in another county and they don't get to see each other much. I love my neighbors to pieces, they came to us and brought up the subject of adopting her baby, they cannot raise another child, they have a 30y.o. son with down syndrome that will be with them for the rest of their lives. The daughter is against abortion and against adoption. Somehow I would love to convince her that adoption is a LOVING choice, that the child will go to a LOVING family, to someone who has waited their whole married lives for one. Last I heard she is still intent on having and keeping the baby, but the mother says she will not do it in her house. Why must teens do this to themselves? Things will NEVER be the same for her again. I've spent some sleepness nights "dreaming" of holding that baby in my arms as my own child. I hope everything turns out for her, but I still can't help but to wish!!

*~*~update 2/19/02~*~* The neighbors daughter had a baby girl on February 12th, healthy, thank God. I haven't been to see them yet, can't do it, in my mind and in my dreams that baby could've possibly been mine ... they had a baby shower for her a few weeks ago, I bought stuff for her, almost had a breakdown in the baby section of the store, my heart was pounding and I physically felt ill ... guess I really haven't moved on like I had prided my self on. I feel like I'm being rude for not giving my congratulations but I feel like I just can't do it right now, I hope they understand. I may just have to go back to the doctor and see what they can do for me, maybe I just need to give it another shot again. I've gotten some very good emails and guestbook posts from you guys, I'm glad to know that my story has helped others, that's the main reason I do this, so I can vent my feelings and let others know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in your feelings, wants and desires.

+~+~+~1/15/04~+~+~+ Gosh it's been a while, I really should use this more as a venting machine. It's been a hard few months, but not related to fertility stuff, I've come to an agreement with my body, I guess. For those of you who are having trouble losing the weight, last month my Dr. put me on TOPOMAX, it's an anti-seizure medicine that's side effect is weight loss. Well, I did lose 2 1/2 llbs over CHRISTMAS!!! in 30 days ... that's a big plus ... if you are so inclined you should ask your dr, too. I'm just getting fed up with the sore knees. I'll write again shortly, but for now I've got to go ... until next time, here's to lucky baby making ...

I think that one of the hardest things infertile couples have to go thru, besides the heartache are the constant insensitive questions from people. If you're reading this and you've never been thru infertility take a bit of advice from me. If you see an infertile couple that you KNOW has been trying, don't tell us to relax, don't tell us that we're trying too hard and don't tell us how you're husband can just look at you and get pregnant. I don't mean to sound harsh but myself and many other people have been brought to tears with these types of comments. Don't ask a person "so when are you going to start your family?", it's not always in our control. Imagine not being able to predict anything your body does, it's difficult. Imagine getting upset because your dog goes into heat more than you get your period in a year. I think it's called "buzzard's luck". But mainly, it SUCKS!

Sorry for the major vent ... sometimes it just builds up and you have to let others know, take it with a grain of salt.

Hopefully everyone who was interested was able to see Dateline NBC 7 Dec, 1998. Holy Cow!! I was in tears! The very first story was about PCOS! I was watching and it was just a fluke that I wasn't asleep already. Finally! PCO has a national ear! I still haven't been back to the doctor since we left Hawaii but now I will find one who agrees with the insulin theory. I just checked the link I had for the Dateline story, it was there a couple months ago, but it looks like they have removed the info from their servers.

**Definitions**

HSG = hysterosalpingogram: an X-ray similar to a pelvic exam where
      an opaque liquid is injected thru the cervix. The X-ray is
      then taken and the Dr looks for a "positive fill and spill"
      which means that if the fallopian tubes are free of 
      obstruction, the liquid will spill freely into the abdominal
      cavity. (in my experience it was a little painful, but 
      that went away in no time)

PCO = Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or Disease. It's also known as
      Stein-Leventhal Syndrome (after the 2 men who pioneered
      it's research). When you have PCO a malfunction in your
      body chemistry keeps your eggs from receiving the necessary
      growth signal from the brain.  Instead of maturing and 
      releasing, they remain inside the shell and die. When this 
      happens the follicles fill swell with fluid and develop into
      cysts. Symptoms

Chlomid = Clomiphene citrate, used to induce ovulation to achieve
      pregnancy.

Premarin = used to stimulate the ovary

Provera = used for the hormonal imbalance to bring on menstruation

Septate Uterus = the uterus cavity is divided into two parts by
      a partition.

Bicornuate Uterus = basically means the uterus has two horns. 

If you find any dead links or anything incorrect, please let me know, the accuracy of this page is very important to me.

Infertility Links

OBGYN.NetGreat resource page for PCO'rs!
Adoption good resource for adoption info
Sgt. Mom's, links for the military
IVF Homepage, a must see for infertility
CenterWatch, Awesome resources of research studies
PCO Support Great info here
Inciid Homepage, more infertility resources
Hannah's Prayer, Christian Adoption and Infertility support
Resolve
Pineland Press, A great source of info, faq's
PCOS.net, a great resource of links and other info
Mel's Recipe page

Please sign my guestbook and let me know what you think!This was added new on 2 March, 2001

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I'm very upset, Lpage guestbook services had a massive disk crash twice and was unable to retrieve the corrupt data, so over 300 entries in my guestbook are gone. Please leave your info so I can re-visit your pages, Thanks.

I was just informed by the counter people at "mycomputer.com" that they will start charging monthly for the service that I've been receiving free for 2 years. They can bite me, I therefore am "retiring" this counter at what it ended on 7107 and am starting a brand new one as of March 11, 2001.

Counter added on 24 May, 1997

This page was last updated on 15 January, 2004
This page was created on 23 May, 1997

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Mel

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