Chuck News

Uggg... slowly trying to convert my blog entries from that other site my wife closed down. Please if you're coming here directly see my profile and index and the important news there before you message me.

July 11, 2002: Is it me, or was it only a decade ago that corporations did everything in the world to hide profits? Profits meant you paid corporate tax. Now it seems corporations try to show profits that don't exist to pump up their stock value. Not sure which was worse...

July 10, 2002: Could it be true? A study lately states that Americans are getting fatter. Americans are consuming more calories but not exercising more. All these fast food restaurants are supersizing all our food. It's $4.25 for the 800 calorie meal or for only an extra 33 cents you can get the 1,400 calorie meal. The question is why? There's considerable evidence to suggest America is being controlled by a conspiracy of space aliens. Grey aliens are preparing the way for their reptile like "Reptoid" masters. Reptoids, it's well known, feed on humans. The Greys have been, for a while, kidnapping not only humans but cows. Since humans live on cows and the Reptoids will live on human flesh, the Greys have been studying our food source. Lately, I think, they've picked up the human technique of fattening cattle right before the slaughter. Hence, they're fattening us up. When I try to tell my wife this she doesn't listen.

July 3, 2002: Why the hell does "color" get a top billing in movie credits. You always see it right after the director's name. Directed by Jorgen Van Gimmeagreencard. Color by Deluxe! Or Color by Pathe! Who gives a big crap?

July 2, 2002: My wife bought these chedder cheese flavored crackers yesterday at the grocery store. The box proudly announces the crackers are made from "100% Real Chedder". Ok. That 100% troubles me. It's like saying "very unique". Either you're unique or you're not. There's no gradation of uniqueness. Clearly the cracker maker isn't trying to say the crackers are 100% chedder. If they were, they'd not be crackers. Being 100% chedder they would be cheese. Chedder cheese. Not crackers. Dig? Okay, so, all what it's trying to tell you is chedder cheese is an ingrediant. It's nice to know real chedder was used, as opposed to some bioengineered bacteria that produces a chedder flavor. I wish my wife wouldn't buy these again.

June 28, 2002: Normally I don't much like Europeans. That they conduct themselves in a European manner despite a full knowledge of the American way of life, well, it just pisses me off. They're doing it to irritate us for winning the American revolution and all other wars since against them. What disturbs me is not only do most Europeans not operate under the protection of the American constitution or one just like it, but these people do not have the right to bear arms. Take a freedomless nation like Belgium. Belgium, which has gun control, has a population of 10 million. America, which lets its citizens own guns, has 250 million people. One is forced to ask, then, if America can grow so large with everyone owning guns, what have these European nations been doing with their unarmed populations?

Now here's my point. The Europeans do one thing right. They riot when it makes sense. For example, Europeans riot when their team loses at the World Cup. Americans riot when their team wins the World Series. Hey, I'm not saying we should start all wearing Izod tomorrow and driving around traffic roundels and acting like French assholes. All I'm saying is when a team wins, we should rejoice. When our team loses, then we should riots.

June 21, 2002: Summer starts today? Hello, weather dicks, summer started Memorial Day. Why do you think we celebrate Memorial Day? I could be a better TV weather man than any of these over paid dicks on TV. Put a suit on, get the weather forcast from yahoo, and occasionally hold up some photo of a shrivelled up old bat and tell everyone Emily Worzowsky is 89 years young today!

Either I'm right about this summer crap or I've been wearing white slacks a month too early! What do you know!

I don't know about you but I'm getting sick and tired of everyone always claiming to be sick and tired of some issue. "I'M SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THIS INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY!" "I'M SICK AND TIRED OF DIVORCED FATHERS HAVING NO RIGHTS!" "I'M SICK AND TIRED OF OPRAH AND HER BOOK THING!" Give me a break! Why don't you peoplpe all shut up? NPR is the worst offender. I hate NPR.

June 18, 2002: How dumb can that firefighter woman in Colerado be? Buring a letter from her ex.Why couldn't she have simply done what a normal person does when he/she gets a letter from an ex? Piss on it and slap it on his/her windshield. Dumb dumb dumb.

June 10, 2002: It's June and they are still playing hockey. Hey, guys, isn't this supposed to be a WINTER sport? What a stupid sport.

June 7, 2002: My beautiful wife wants to take a mini vacation. Spend 4 days on a farm. I don't know. Farms don't interest me. When growing, I became acquainted with a number of farmers and I feel I've learned a sufficient amount about the agricultural business. I know farming doesn't interest me in any possible way. I learned that farmers never get the right amount of rain. Either they receive too little rain or they get too much rain which makes the fields too muddy to pick crops. In other words, farmers work a day job at an auto factory to afford this expensive hobby of planting field upon field of things doomed to either wither to low-grade potpourri or rot in mud. When, once a decade, they get the right amount of rain, farmers spend every waking day praying a tornado or hail storm hits every cucumber farm in the county except theirs. This ensures their crop can be sold at a high price to pay down interest on loans so large even an Argentinean finance minister would question the wisdom of incurring such debt. The only way to actually make something that looks like a profit in the agricultural business is by turning to crime.

June 4, 2002: Ha ha I love this sort of stuff... I send my beautiful wife email with these things in it all the time.... ha ha. I love you Gloria.

() ()
( -.- ) You're as cute as a sleeping bunny!

Isn't that the cutest? Ha ha! I should have been born a 12 year old Japanese girl.

May 30, 2002: These Indians and Pakistanis are going to lead the world into a nuclear war over Kashmir. All to control the high-end sweater trade. This is crazy. There should be a law against war.

May 28, 2002: Ha ha over heard this at a bar the other night. Two guys talking:

Guy 1: But I thought every guy's fantasy was two women in bed?

Guy 2: Two? I find one woman in bed confusing, frustrating, and intimidating. What makes you think it's going to be any better with two? I would think if I had two women in bed I'd spend most of my time getting them water.

Ha ha what a wimp!

May 24, 2002: I fear I've destroyed a friendship after a petty argument over who's car has a more convenient beverage holder.

May 23, 2002: Me and buddy met for lunch today and we got to talking about meeting people online. I do not do this anymore. It nearly ruined my marriage but luckily my beautiful wife and I managed to work it out and find solutions. What we realized is there are six different kinds of people you will meet online.

people you'd never meet
people you'd meet if they lived down the street
people you'd meet if they lived on the other side of the city
people you'd meet if they lived in another city in your state
people you'd meet if they lived in any city in America
people you'd meet if they lived any place in the world.

May 22, 2002: Ever hear your voice on tape? Don't you sound funny? The thing is that's how you really sound to people. When you hear your own voice, you hear most of it through your skull, not carried through the air. You hear your voice at a slightly higher pitch. This got me thinking. What if looking at yourself in the mirror was like hearing your own voice through your skull? A mirror doesn't truly reflect how others see you. However, your drivers license photo is a truer depiction of your visage. A scary thought huh?

May 21, 2002: Some advice for you single men: Never date a woman that dresses her little yappy dog in human clothes like sweaters, boots, and little Mexican hats and buys it Christmas gifts and only serves it people food.

I'm reading this book called The Van by a guy called Roddy Doyle. He makes all those movies with Irish people swearing and that engineer guy from Star Trek the Next Generation. I like it because it's almost all people talking and not a lot of crap. There are some good lines in the book:

"Ireland scored against England. There was nothing more important than that. Even your pint."

"There was nothing funnier than seeing a 3-year old say fuck."

That's some funny crap. Too bad he's dead like Kurt Vonnegut.

May 20, 2002: What a horrible last "few" days. I was just on my way out to meet my band mates for lunch when Gloria called and said her dad had more work for me to do. I should go down to his office right away. I get there and he of course starts lecturing me about how much he loves his daughter and wants me to do right by her (she tells him everything which is okay). He says they want to get the paint factory ship shape for summer and would I not like to help them with "outside maintenance" for a "few" days. To me "maintenance" means fixing things. And "a few" means three. Like when you ask your mother "mom, can I have some cookies?" and she says "you can have a few." That always meant three. Unless your mom was a really good mother then "a few" meant "five" and if she really wanted you to only have three she said "you can have a couple cookies". But work is not cookies and "a few" should always be the understood as "3". So anyway as it turns out it was not three days of fixing things but five days of "gardening" which ended up meaning I was down on my knees in the fields around the paint factory pulling out weeds. I knew I was in trouble when my father-in-law points to this field and he's like "weed that". And I'm like "Mr Holstein what do you mean?" "I mean pull the weeds out of that field. I want to use it this summer for a BBQ I'm going to have for a client." I looked at my father-in-law again and I'm like "Mr Holstein you realize that that's a field. A field by definition is nothing BUT weeds." Nothing I could say to the man could make him see my logic and I've spent the last five days on my knees in semi-dry soil trying to figure out if what I'm about to yank out is a weed or a blade of grass to the old man.

May 15, 2002: My band mates and I met for lunch yesterday. We started talking about heaven. For most of them their idea of heaven seemed a lot like the Man Show. I've always envisioned heaven as this place where, when you die, you will know everything. Like everything! But I figured like going to heaven and just suddenly knowing everything wouldn't be too much fun. So I've always envisioned heaven like an episode of Leonard Nimoy's In Search Of. When I was a kid it used to piss me off that they'd raised all these questions about Bigfoot and crap and never give you a definitive answer. I figure Heaven would be like a super extended episode of In Search Of covering everything I've always wondered about from "Who broke my Rock 'm Sock 'm Robots?" to "Who shot JFK?" Everything I ever wondered about would be presented in the form of an In Search Of episode, complete with all the eerie music except, and this is the appealing part, they actually give you the fucking answer, not just leave you with a disclaimer in the credits claiming the ideas put forward were based on conjecture. Man, that would be heaven!

May 14, 2002: Some guy asked me today where he could find an ATM machine. It got me thinking, ATM stands for "Automatic Teller Machine" so he was asking for an Automatic Teller Machine Machine! Ha! Knob! But more I thought about it walking around downtown today more I realized there are all kinds of acronyms people always say but needlessly expand the last letter... like UPC code, SSN number, GIF format, DSL line, VIN number... well those are all the ones I could think of at McDonald's at lunch.

May 13, 2002: I spent most of the weekend writing this and it will be shocking to many buy I cannot hide the facts anymore. I showed it to my wife and she called her father and said I needed more work but she could not prove one single point I made in this wrong in any way. SHOCKING DISCOVERY ABOUT STAR WARS GEORGE LUCAS DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW! STAR WARS = ALLEGORICAL TALE OF COMING TO TERMS WITH HOMOSEXUALITY!

May 10, 2002: I wrote a new poem for Gloria on my poetry page. It's called "For the Ensign of my Heart" and I think it is quite good. Perhaps the best I've ever done. I was hoping I could get this one published. I was talking with a publisher in a Star Trek yahoo group and she seemed interested by my poetry for her magazine which she calls "Zine". Took me a while to realize "Zine" is a play on magazine. I've never seen "Zine" at the magazine stand but it sounded interesting enough. There should be more magazines about Star Trek I think for sale. Unfortunately my hopes were dashed when she discovered I had published the poem already... on my own web page of all places! I tried to argue with her that this was a private web page I only create for my wife Gloria. She likes to check my web page/activities from work and it brightens up her day to find a new poem by her Chucky poo (I love you Gloria!). Anyway, I'm going to write her some more and then forward those privately to her... Gloria will be very impressed I think when I walk her to the magazine stand, pull Zine off the shelf, and show her a poem written for her (about Star Trek) in a magazine! She can then show it to her friends at work who don't like me and shut them up for a change. They don't think a job as a musician is legitimate. You have to wear a polyester short sleeved dress shirt and plaid tie I guess to be considered a legitimate contributor to the American economy. They can go to hell of course. I'm very excited about the new Star Wars movie! This is going to be the best one ever! It looks very action packed (not like Spider-man which sucked). However, it's also a bit heart breaking as Gloria and I were having a lot of troubles shortly before Phantom Menace opened... Star Wars will always remind me how I nearly lost my beautiful wife. So the last few days I've been watching the first three movies (Star Wars, Empire, and Jedi... love Jedi the most) on tape. I must have seen each of them 500 times by now. Something occurred to me this morning about the Star War series which I have to think about because it is very shocking. I'm not sure I'm ready to tell the world yet. Stay tuned.

May 9, 2002: Met my bandmates for lunch at some new thai place they were talking about. It's called Magic Thais. It took me a while but when I noticed all the menu items were references to characters in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy I realized the restaurant name was a pun on "Majicthais" one of those two philosopher in Hitchhikers that were bested by Deep Thought. Ha ha. "Magic Thais: The Restaurant at the End of the Asian Spectrum" it says right on the menu. I get it. But I dunno I'm getting really tired of not only thai food (I wish they'd invent some other kind of spicy asian food) but they'd quit already with all the cutesy Thai puns you see in restaurant reviews and names.... "thai one on!" "The food is Fan-thai-stick!" "Indulge your fan-thai-sy!" Anyway we all met to discuss the future of the band and we could not agree on anything.

May 8, 2002: I got this plain white envelope in the mail today with "Important Document Enclosed" and "Open Immediately" splashed on the front. The return address printed on the back had no name, just a street address. I opened it and found it was junk mail from Discover card. How is an ad considered an important document? I think documents like IRS checks are important documents. Direct mail ads are not. It somewhat disturbs me that a large, legit outfit like a credit card company has to resort to trying to fool you into opening their letter. Anyway I used their postage paid return envelope to mail them back actual junk... used Kleenex, old batteries, bent paperclips, etc. That will learn them.

May 7, 2002: Ugg... busy last few days. Sometimes Gloria's dad finds some "work" for me to do. He thinks being a musician is not a real job. Me and Gloria went to see Spider-Man. I thought the movie sucked. I spent a day recovering from all the loading work. I hate loading but it's better than working in my father-in-law's paint factory. I spent most of yesterday watching TV. I used to love Road Runner when I was a kid but now its hard to watch. They've edited out so much of the violence that the story lines are hard to follow. One minute Wile E. Coyote has his head in the barrel of his Acme megacannon looking for a loose bolt and the next moment he's at the bottom of a cliff with his face all black and his hair singed. These cartoons no longer teaching kids to solve problems with violence but they're now teaching them that black outs and gaps in your memory are perfectly normal. TV IS TRYING TO TELL OUR KIDS THAT THE SYMPTOMS OF ALCOHOLISM ARE PERFECTLY NORMAL.

May 2, 2002: I just noticed today Final Fantasy XI is coming out soon. Shouldn't a game called Final Fantasy have stopped with Final Fantasy I? The game's name gets increasingly inaccurate with each release. It's as bad as The Who coming out of retirement every five years, announce they're going back into retirement, and play a series of stadium tours to celebrate this fact. I love watching Women's Triathlon on TV. Women in bathing suits do this little swim portion and then they hop on bikes. The back of their suits ride up and a camera rudely follows them from behind. It's a god damn free show.

May 1, 2002: Flamed some idiots today on the net. People are so stupid. I'm trying to convince the other boys in the band to change the band name. Velvet Mayor was cool when Rod was the mayor 8 years ago but I think the name is dated. We got more work when Rod was mayor as well. I'm a fan of the Yellow Jackets and that got me thinking of a new name. What other colors? I looked around my wife's home office and on her shelves and then it hit me.... let's call ourselves "The Big Red Binders" maybe for a gas we call ourselves "The Big Red Binders: the World's First ISO 9001 Certified Band".

April 28, 2002: Indian food is best enjoyed in the buffet setting. Thought about sweet boo boo Gloria at lunch.

April 15, 2002: Trying to find all the prog rock MP3s I can find.

March 4, 2002: Sweet boo boo is having a hard time at work. Women have weird dynamics with other women at work. I'll never understand women any more than I'll understand my sweet boo boo's job.

February 4, 2002: For the first couple hours this mourning I smelt pancakes. That was sort of bothering me. You think that would be a pleasant smell but it gets old. But it got worse. There's now this smell about me reminiscent of a gas station, the scent of dirty, old engine oil and exhaust fumes.