Amhell College

(school)






welcome to class everyone. actually this is the registrars office, but i always wanted to be a professor, so im going to pretend that i am. okay, let me start. hi, i went to countless prestigious schools after turning down harvard and princeton. im really intelligent and intellectual and i will prove it to you by reciting various facts that are of no importance to the class or life in general. ive made my class meet at the most irritating time possible (either 8:30 in the morning or sometime in the late afternoon/early evening). part of your grade will come from class participation but im going to lecture so much that there will be no time for questions or discussion. my job as a professor is to teach you how to be a professor like me and not how to function "normally" in the real world or in whatever profession you pursue. im really boring and i will make no effort to make my class interesting. i will test materials that will not be taught accurately in class or that will not be taught at all. im very conceited but i really care about you, the student. i may be doing research so i really dont care if you learn or not, im just here for the schools funding. ive done a lot of research and have written many books so your opinions are wrong. my office hours are at the worst possible times, just as my class is (see above). i really dont know as much as i teach, i just reread materials before i give a lecture on it. my name is written on the board and if you cant read follow the instructions written below my name to aid you in your studies. today we are offering many courses from our numerous departments, you get to choose which ones you will be taking for the semester. the courses we are offering are listed below (see BELOW).



BELOW

American Studies
see foreign languages and cultures.

Astronomy
14f. Stars and galaxies. an introductory course appropriate for both majors and those with a strong emotional background. topics include: the observed properties of stars, observations made by stars, the structure of stars, the end-points of stellar evolution, our galaxy, and external galaxies.
51. Astrophysics: stars and stellar evolution. physical principles governing the properties of stars, their formation and evolution: radiation laws and the determination of stellar temperatures and animosities; neutral laws and the determination of stellar masses; physics of degenerate matter and the evolution of stars to black holes; nucleosynthesis in supernova explosions.
requisite: a course in sociology.

Biology*

Chemistry*

Creative Writing
24f. Poetic translation. this is a workshop in translating poetry into english from other personal languages, preferably but not necessarily an alien or romance language, whose aim is to produce good poems in english. two class meetings per week.
limited to 12 students.
[665.99]. [Heck]. in this course we will look at free speech/thought and how modern laws and rules and regulation have affected our culture. we will concentrate on the effects of censorship in "pop culture" and the media. we will also come to realize how idiotic it is, without denying our intellectualism.

Economics
11. An introduction to becoming a tool.*

English
1. Study of language.
12f. Reading poetry (also literature of madness). this course will examine a wide swath of peotry produced in (or around) the dead zone during the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. we will read closely not only the poems on the syllabus, but also essays submitted for group discussion by other members of the class. there will be a number of shorter papers and a great deal of attention paid to the mechanics of criticism and to discussion about literary interpretation and writing about poetry. two class meetings per week.
preference given to first-year students (others may be admitted only with sara tonens consent (see sara tonen)).
limited enrollment.

first-year seminar
6f. The quest for questions. much of the thinking we do is applied to activities that involve large amounts of reworking and editing. but in many endeavors, efforts that are apparently more spontaneous are required. yet often, the preparation for successful thought is enormous whereas most people do not engage in this activity. we will ask how free thought differs from other ways of thinking. we will inquire into a plan to teach one the techniques necessary to become successful at thinking for oneself.
requisite: grey matter

Fine Arts
81. Looking at pictures. in this course we will primarily be concerned with addressing the manifold issues that arise from asking the question "what do you see?" when standing/sitting/jumping in front of a work of visual art. emphasis will be upon looking at actual drawings, paintings, prints, and photographs. consideration will also be given to the day-to-day reality of art practice. we will attempt to demystify what goes on in an artists studio.

Foreign Languages and Cultures
were americans, so the only language we need to know is american. but since were so cultured, well prove it by offering you the chance to meet someone who may be from another country. we didnt feel like checking if they were actually from another country, but they arent from our immediate neighborhoods so they must be foreign. take the time to meet this exchange student, if you feel like it.

Geology*

Histiology*

History
1. Revisionists history of slavery, racism and ignorance (also sociology 8). in this course we will be looking at all of the positive factors of slavery, racism, and ignorance. we will also examine its positive effects on society from a post-modern perspective.

Mathology*

Music
11s. Introduction to music. in this course we will be introduced to music as a relevant part of the human experience. this course is intended for students with little or no background who would like to appreciate the conglomeration of sounds we hear around us everyday when brought together to comprise a heavenly mass. we will listen to and discuss works drawn primarily from the western tonal tradition. this course serves as a requisite for many of the other music department offerings.
three class meetings and one listening session per week.
19. Thinking critically about music. in this course we will be thinking critically about music.

Philosophy
solipsism.

Psychology
11. Introduction to this site.

Religion
17s. The agnostic religious tradition. this course is intended for students of all religious traditions. this course is a full discussion course. since we have very little "proven" facts this course is excellent for those who use their minds to think.
requisite: first-year seminar 6f
78. Introduction to scientology (also brainwashing 87)*.

Sciencology*



Coming Soon:
an anthropology department
a sociology department
a wags department



*omitted 1997-8.



teleport my uneducated corpse back to the dead zone.



complaints shouldnt be sent to (but should be expected from): badheadache@hotmail.com




FACT: intellectual/art students have dropped out of college due to psychological disorders.








@hhhhht