I was nineteen years old in 1965 when I landed in a place called Chu Lai. I had no idea how the next few months would effect my life. I was already with the 3rd Marines on Okinawa when we were called to take up positions along the coast of Vietnam. We reached the area just before Christmas of 1964. We spent several months in and out of this area and didn't actually go ashore until May of 65. I was as I said with the 3rd Marines but we landed with the 2nd Battalion 9th Marines.
My intention here is not to tell war stories. Suffice it to say that we not only seen but were involved in things that can only be appreciated or understood by those who shared like experiences. I was not a Christian while in country nor for many years afterward. That, I guess, is part of my story. I have spent years trying to determine why people were affected in so many ways by that war. Why, in particular, was I effected the way that I was. My tour of duty was short. Because I was already on overseas duty, when my 13 months was over, I rotated home. This in itself, was a problem for me. When I finally started dealing with my experience it always came back to how could such a short time in-country bothered me the way that it did when so many spent so much more time and lived so much more of it. I learned that trauma has no time limits. Late summer of 65 found me back on the streets of my home town Reno, Nevada. Reno was a college town and the protests had already started. Being a vet was not real popular. This made it hard to take up with old friends. I had married before going overseas and it didn't take long to realize the change in me. My wife's family as well as mine made me feel like an outcast. When the news was about Vietnam every one seemed to speak in hushed tones around me. I learned to isolate, and it became a way of life. I also found comfort in an old habit; Drinking. Isolation and drinking are a dangerous combination. I managed to make it to the end of my enlistment and was released from active duty in 67. By June of that year my second child was born and shortly after that I was divorced.
I really don't want to dwell too much on the negatives, because this really is about the positives of my life. I will tell you that the time between then and now has been a rocky road that includes 4 marriages 3 wives and 4 children. One son committed suicide at 17. It includes more jobs then I can remember including time as a bouncer in a night club were I learned to enjoy hurting people. Due to an injury in 1979 that ended my working days, we lost our home and all that we owned. We moved to Arkansas. Things were looking up. That move probably saved my life. Amazing how God works.
Julie is my 3rd and 4th wife. With out her loyalty and support, not to mention perserverance, I don't think I would be here. When we came to Arkansas our daughter Wendy was in the second grade. I must add that Wendy is only here by the grace of God. He used a sinful life to allow her to be here. Life was never important to me so after a 7 year relationship, when Julie became pregnant my first and only thought was to end the pregnancy. I didn't want a child to tie me down. Roe V. Wade was not yet the law of the land. Abortion was not allowed in Nevada. A hangover on the day we were to keep the appointment with death in California allowed my daughter to live. Is God awesome?
Our lives really started to change in Arkansas. I'm sure you can well imagine the life style change from Sin City to Arkansas. I started to attend church because I wanted Wendy to have the knowledge to make a decision about "religion". I was saved in 1986. You would think that things would get better, and for awhile they did. Then the past hit me Big Time. Nam was now a moral issue. How could God love someone that had done the things I had done? When these thoughts started to surface, all my past came back . The results were life threatening. Depression and Post Traumatic Stress became real to me and suicide became a definite possibility. I knew I was saved but the world wouldn't let go. I also knew that Vietnam was the root cause of my depression but I just couldn't seem to deal with it. I checked myself into a Psychiatric hospital and of course their answer was medication. I was in and out of the hospitals a total of 6 times plus many outpatient programs. I realized during this time that the Christian community really didn't know how to deal with issues of the mind. I never did find a Christian counselor that used Christ. Pastors and friends simply said "give it to God" I know now that He is the answer, but I needed help to get there. I started my own groups to deal with depression. I just kept searching for answers through my church, Promise Keepers and The Christian Motorcyclists Association. It was a very difficult time. I felt that the very folks that had the answers (Christians) didn't have a clue how to help. I have had so many pray for me about this illness of the past, including several evangelists in C.M.A... I also became acquainted with Point Man International Ministries, started by vets to help vets. Through the prayers and support I was finally able to lay Vietnam down in Feb of 2000 and just last year at a Promise keepers Conference, I was able to forgive myself. Anyone that has had this experience knows how liberating it is. Once the garbage is out of the way you can really experience God's love and grace and begin to guide others to healing. My purpose for this article is to let those who are dealing with problems that stem from their military experience, know that help is available. I have asked myself repeatedly why it took me so long to heal from this. I can only say that it is in His timing and maybe He will allow me to help others get there faster.
For those who have born the battle I say thank you. For those who pray and support, no thanks is sufficient.
TO GOD BE THE GLORY!
Tom Lockett
VP Covenant Warriors
Chapter 604 C.M.A.
Harrison,AR
Harrison, AK Outpost Leader
Pointman Ministries
870-741-8127
Point Man International Ministries
since 7/24/02