since 11/03/02
Where do I begin? I was raised in a Christian home. My Dad was a Methodist minister who lived the Gospel he preached. I was raised to love, respect, and forgive. I was a sensitive and caring kid. Somehow, though, that just didn’t seem too manly to me. We really don’t have a right of passage to manhood in this culture, so mine became the Marine Corps. Don’t get me wrong. You know the saying, “Once a Marine, always a Marine.” Well, it is a fact and it holds true for me too. It’s just that my innate sensitivity and my experiences in Vietnam didn’t mix well. I don’t know that I became a man in Nam, but I did lose my youth and innocence.
I remember the greeting the short-timers gave us “new guys” when we first arrived in country. I promised myself that when it was my turn to go home I wouldn’t rub someone else’s nose in it. Thirteen months later, I was one of the loudest and most obnoxious guys as our “newbies” marched by.
I was a good Marine. I spent another two years in the Corps after I returned home, reaching the rank of Sgt. E-5. Most of my time was spent on duty or drinking with my buddies. After my discharge, I returned home to begin civilian life. I married in 1970 and had a son in 1971. As work in the computer field progressed, so did the drinking. On the outside everything looked great. I was living the American dream.
There wasn’t a drastic turn in my life. It was more of a gradual slide. The anger and isolation took hold and became increasingly more obvious; that is to others, not me. I became more and more anti-social. My marriage survived until 1976. I became a single Dad. Looking back, this is what probably kept me alive. I am convinced that if I had not had my son, I would have literally self-destructed. The responsibility for my son is the only thing that kept me on track at all, but the drinking continued. Work continued too until 1979 when everything blew apart. My anger got so bad I finally lost my job of eight plus years. For the next couple of years I worked for roofing companies as a laborer.
It was early in 1980 when I finally hit bottom. I was barely earning a living and had to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life. I realized that I was completely out of control. One Saturday I called my sister in a nearby state and told her I was no longer able to physically or emotionally take care of my son. I dropped him off at her house and headed home for the longest, most miserable ride of my life. Shortly afterwards, I lost my housing and ended up, unbeknownst to anyone else, sleeping under a supply trailer at a roofing company’s warehouse. I never stopped drinking.
It was at this point in my life that I fully remembered the God of my childhood. I finally realized there had to be a change. With the help, support, and direction of some loving people at my sister’s church, I made a decision. I surrendered and recommitted my life to Jesus Christ, the manliest thing I have ever done. This time there was a drastic change. Some things took time. In fact, some of the changes are still taking place, as I suspect they will as long as I reside on this earth. Other parts of my life were dramatically healed. For one, I stopped drinking. Angry Vietnam Vets and drinking generally don’t go well together. This particular healing paved the way for the Lord to work in other areas of my life.
My life since 1980 has not been without ups and downs. The big difference is that the Lord is a part of my life. I have made my share of mistakes, but His forgiveness and grace have carried me through. I am truly learning to lean on him. The Bible tells us, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” I am a new man today. I am able to write this testimony because of the finished work Jesus performed on Calvary. He died and rose again to pay the price for my sins and to give me new life. The anguish, loneliness, guilt, fear, and sense of loss no longer haunt me. I have found a true Friend and Brother who watches my back.
Once a Marine, always a Marine… but in His service now! – Tom Dahlstrand
Point Man International Ministries
since 11/03/02