What is it about confrontation, antagonization and physical violence that makes two people so. . . sexual? Is it because it refers to such basic, simple responses that the need to procreate is formed in the mind? Why the hell am I stuck in interrogative land? What’s the square root of 247, 968?

But seriously – the hottest couples always fight the most. Then they shag like crazy. Two nice, sweet people always end up making the boring couple hall of fame, unless they are so cute you want to stick your finger down your throat and revisit lunch. Mmm… lunch. I’m hungry, and that sounds like a good plan of action. I try to be serious, and this is what I end up with in the end. And I can’t stop thinking about chicken, either.

Spuffy would make a super-hot couple because they really have the firepower to fuel it. Think about it – mortal enemies, always kicking the crap out of each other, basic respect for the sill of the other coupled with an intense desire to be dominant.

I think in the end, however, Spike would become the dominant role in the relationship, while Buffy would be cutely submissive. There is something about Buffy that screams "I’ve been a bad girl, please punish me." (And all of Sunnydale lines up.) Don’t get me wrong, Buffy is tough as hell, but sometimes people who have to be strong all the time need a chance to be weak. The bedroom is a perfect place for Buffy because it’s an appropriate time, a safe time where she won’t endanger herself or anyone else. And Spike is just the person to take advantage of that.

As far as a real relationship goes, Spuffy would never work out. A fundamental difference wedges the two apart from each other. You know, the whole vampire/slayer thing, except this time (as opposed to Angel) the vamp is really, really bad. Their relationship would never be accepted by either’s circle – something that each would try to keep a secret at all costs.

Am I totally talking out of my asas here, or do I have any basis from the show to support the Spuffy dynamic? Well, mostly I am talking out of my ass, as usual. However, there have been moments on BtVS that define what the parameters of the relationship would be.

"School Hard:"

The scene where Spike sees Buffy for the first time, while she’s dancing at the Bronze is enchanting, and the music adds to it tremendously. Spike seems rather smitten with our slayer as he watches her. He looks incredibly serious, yet entirely lustful as well. As he tells a minion to go and get something to eat, he is eager to watch her fight. I think that scene encapsulates what Spuffy would be like together – and it’s most definitely a lust thing. As Faith so bluntly put it in "Faith, Hope and Trick," slaying makes one "hungry and horny."

"Becoming, part 2:"

And let’s not forget the alliance that the two make, wraught with sexual tension. Spike saves Buffy from the cop, and then, much to my delight, calls her "cutie." Spike isn’t blind, Buffy is a real hottie, and it’s cool that he admits as much. Their conversation is delightfully interesting, threats intertwined with punches mixed with some funny attempts at bargaining, which neither one is very good at anyway. Both of them are not used to making concessions – they aren’t accustomed to losing a fight, except with each other. Also, Spike opens up to Buffy, explaining about Dru’s wandering maind and clarifying why her loves the world so much.

When Spike leaves Buffy to fight Angel, he has fulfilled his promise. He did back Buffy up when she made her move, and he successfully convinced Angel to keep Giles alive. As he carries Dru out to the car, he stops for a moment to watch Buffy and Angel duel it out. He seems concerned, but leaves anyway, thinking Buffy is going to be killed. They aren’t friends, the never will be friends, although lovers don’t have to be.

"Lover’s Walk:"

Spike’s evilness is reestablished in this pivotal episode. When Buffy finds out that Spike is in her home, she rushes back to save her mom. And what are Joycie and Spike up to? Drinking cocoa and talking about relationships. Spike can be normal around humans, and even have decent conversations with them, given the opportunity. One (with a fucked up head) just naturally assumes that Spike could have sex with a human as well. Why not? Though, I’m sure that some biting would be involved, which brings up another point. Spike has to be into what one might delicately label "rough sex." How many other people could put up with that besides Buffy, because we aren’t talking about S&M that most people practice, after all. Spike does have fangs, and a much greater bloodlust.

Again in this episode, Spuffy team up, though not for world-saveage. Spike’s kidnapped Willow and Xander, and Buffy wants them back post haste. The thing is, Buffy could have killed Spike after he revealed that Will and Xand were in the factory, but didn’t. She could have whooped his arse. She doesn’t seem to care all that much that he’s walking away yet again to bring havoc upon the world, and he will undoubtedly do so. I think that deep down, Buffy really feels as though Spike is her ultimate match for fighting, and no one can replace him. If he were dust, and there was no chance he could just pop up out of nowhere and surprise her, would life be as interesting? Don’t think so. Also, although Buffy is an amazing fighter, she has never bested Spike. Having Spike dead would probably reveal some of her own vulnerabilities as a human slayer. After all, if Spike could be killed, couldn’t she also?

All of this is food for thought, and perhaps not very appetizing food at that. Perhaps, to you, it’s like liver and onions. But the fact remains that Spuffy has the foundations necessary for the classic love/hate relationship. And then some.

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