Improving the Relationship with Your Wife

I was married to the same woman for almost 30 years before I lost her suddenly to cancer. This does not make me an expert on marriage but I have learned a thing or two over this time. I have always loved my wife, but I didn’t know what real love was until I met Jesus Christ. Why do I say this? In our society, we use the word love for many things. I love butter pecan ice cream, I love my dog, I love the car I drive, I love to fish. The Bible talks about God’s love for mankind. Romans 5:8 says, But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. God loved us even before we knew Him or before we began to serve and worship Him. God the Father sent His Son Jesus Christ to pay the penalty for the sin of mankind. I found that until I really came to know the love of God, I really didn’t know what real love was all about, so how could I really love the woman He gave me to be my partner for life? In order to have a strong marriage that is filled with love, God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ must be the center of your marriage. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. God is the third cord in our marriage. I John 4:8 says, Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

I consider my first wife, and now my second wife to be one of the many blessings that God has given me, because of His love for me. I have always enjoyed spending time with my wife, whether it is taking them out for dinner, or being out on the water with either of them. It is a good thing I have liked their company since my boat is only 18.5 feet long! I always had to remind my first wife that it is only polite to let the captain of the boat to catch the biggest fish. You would think that after fishing with her for over 10 years she would have learned this!

Some other ways to make your wife feel special. Never let a day go by without you telling her that you love her. Buy her flowers! A wife appreciates and needs her husband to buy her flowers. It doesn’t have to be a special holiday or occasion for you to bring her flowers. I think it means even more when you surprise her with flowers just because she is your wife and you love her, or perhaps she fixed you a special dinner the night before. The first 24 years I was married to my first wife I only bought flowers twice that I can remember, both times when she had just given birth to one of our two children. Later in our marriage I would surprise her flowers 5-6 times a year. When I first started doing this her reaction was “what do you want now”! I learned from a very wise pastor, Pastor Bob at Harvest Church of God, that the best buy in flowers is carnations. They are inexpensive and they last at least a week. If you buy roses, they are dead in 3-4 days and cost 5-6 times as much as carnations. For less then $5 you can make points for a week with your wife, what a deal! I still don’t understand the connection between flowers and making your wife feel loved. You can’t eat flowers and fish won’t bite on them, but they do make a woman feel loved. I am very thankful that I gave her flowers when she was here to enjoy them. Now that she is gone flowers would not do her any good.

A wife needs to be hugged and kissed on a regular basis. Again this should be a daily routine that both of you enjoy. Come on guys, even your old dog likes to receive a pat on the head on a regular basis. I hope your wife gets more attention then the dog or dare I say your boat or favorite fishing rod! Every married couple should have some relaxation or entertainment that they can do together. It doesn’t cost a days pay for the two of you to grab a burger and fries together at the local Mackey D’s. The idea is to spend time doing something together, just enjoying each other’s company. I started a practice with my first wife that now continues. We have started taking trips in our boat to different ports along the Chesapeake Bay. We pull up to a nice restaurant, tie up the boat, and have a nice seafood lunch or dinner. On the way home we may stop and fish or maybe just take in the local scenery and enjoy the beautiful surroundings that God has created along the Chesapeake Bay.

I think one of the best habits to develop within any friendship, especially within the marriage relationship, is to be quick to forgive. Even if you are not the one in the wrong, still be quick to forgive. Ephesians 4:26-27 says, In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Don’t give the devil a foothold in your marriage, walk in forgiveness at all times.

It should go without saying, but there should be no place for sexual encounters outside of your marriage. Hebrews 13:4 says, Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Finally men are to love their wives as Jesus Christ loved the church, as Ephesians 5:25 says, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Do you love your wife to the point that you would be willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice for her just as Jesus paid the sacrifice for the church? I speak from experience, your wife is a blessing from God. Who knows, maybe she'll even help you clean the fish you catch, mine does!

A Tribute to My First Wife

The Best Dating Service Around & How I met my second wife.

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