WWE Films : by Matthew Evans( 30/8/02 )
As you all know, the WWE recently announced the launch of their very own film company, WWE Film. Run by Joel Simon, the WWE claim that it will offer acting oppurtunities to WWE talent and produce action and comedy films, amongst others. You may know that Joel Simon played a big part in producing X-Men. You may also know that he also worked on Wild Wild West (doesn't sound so good now, does it?).Anyway, with the dawn of WWE Film upon us, I thought I'd give some suggestions for possible blockbusters starring the WWE Superstars. Here goes:
Honey I Held Down The Kids
Comedy starring Triple H and Stephanie Mcmahon. Stephanie refuses to believe that "The Game" is holding the younger talent down.
Fatman
The inside story on The Big Show's first year and a half in the WWE.
Fatman Returns
In this sequel, Jim Ross feels sorry for Mr Wight and sends him back to the WWE from OVW (Ohio Valley Wrestling).
Fatman Forever
Vince Mcmahon discovers, much to his horror, that he has signed Paul Wight for a LIFETIME deal rather than 10 years. Mr Mcmahon then does whatever he can to try to terminate the contract.
Hostbusters
The true story on why Mcmahon let Sean Mooney and Lord Alfred Hayes go in the early 90's.
Hostbusters 2
We discover why Todd Pettengale and Chris Leary (you remember him don't you?) were fired.
A**e Attacks!
Sci-fi fantasy starring Rikishi. An army of Rikishi-like life-forms have evolved on Mars and threaten to "Back That A** Up" on Planet Earth.
The Last American Hero
Action adventure starring Kurt Angle. Kurt goes back in time to the 1980s and discovers that he is beloved by millions as an all-american babyface.
Matt and Jeff's Excellent Adventure
Adventure starring The Hardy Boyz and Lita. Matt and Jeff use a phone-box to travel back in time to when they were thrilling audiences by nearly killing themselves in Ladder Matches, TLC Matches and Table Matches.
Matt and Jeff's Bogus Journey
In this sequel, the phone-box is knackered and the brothers are forced to live in the present where their solo careers bomb and they await a tag-team reunion.
The Big Nose Of Connecticut
Triple H is forced to live in a bell tower by the evil Mr Mcmahon. However, when Vince is promoting a wrestling show in the town below, Hunter leaves his stone gargoyle pals (one of which includes Chris Benoit) and ventures outside, only to meet and fall in love with the beautiful Stephanie Mcmahon.
Free Billy
Triple H frames his good pal Bill Goldberg for armed robbery and gets him locked up. It's up to Bill's old WCW pals (Sting, Lex Luger etc) to save the day. Goldberg escapes, but HHH, not being one to face the music, gets his a** out of the country for the inevitable sequel.
Free Billy 2: The Adventure Home
Triple H realises he's missing a licensing fair and rushes back to the states. There he bumps into Goldberg again for an action-packed climax.
Free Billy 3: The Rescue
Goldberg holds Hunter hostage in his Atlanta lair, but clique buddies HBK, Nash, Hall and X-Pac attempt to save the day.
Stop! Or My Mom Will Phone
Comedy starring Marcus Bagwell. Buff Bagwell signs a WWE contract but isn't happy with the hectic work schedule. So he threatens to give his mum Judy a call.
So there we have it. WWE could soon be making blockbusters like these. I don't mean to sound negative, but everything NON-wrestling related the WWE has tried over the years (WBF, XFL) has fallen flat. Somehow, I see a similar fate for WWE Film. On the other hand, if they produce interesting wrestling documentaries like Beyond The Mat and Wrestling With Shadows, then it might just work. I also realise that these films will be made for tv type productions, which makes the whole thing sound even worse.