FEBRUARY
2005
THE PACS PACK IT UP
The Raptor's Freakin' Fightin' Tips!!!
When
fighting a group of competitors, it is often tempting to devour a fallen
opponent before rejoining the fight against your remaining opponents.
This is ill advised in most cases, as your meal may rest uncomfortably
in your belly and leave you sluggish when you re-enter combat. There
are exceptions to this rule, however: Sometimes your opponents will
weaken significantly if they see one of their mates eaten in front of
them (i.e., Huey, Dewey, and Louie.) And sometimes you're just hungry.
Raaaaaaagh!
Daily Kong
by Donkey Kong
Hey there again Tournament wannabes! I've gotten several letters asking me how important it is to get an agent before applying for tournament admission. There is no easy answer as to whether or not to get a rep, so here are some pros and cons:
PRO: You can sit back and let somebody else take care of publicity and promotion.
CON: Man, those guys charge a lot!
PRO: If a ToD official, say Vader, doesn't like your face, your rep will take the brunt of the lightsaber.
CON: Frivolous lawsuits brought by the families of slain agents are getting out of control.
PRO: It makes you look professional.
CON: Your loser friends will accuse you of being a sell out.
So, in the end, it's up to you to decide whether an agent is right for you. Good luck and maybe I'll be splintering your bones in the arena some day!
Tournament of Doom golden couple Pac-Man and Mrs. Pac-Man have officially split after four and half years of marriage, the competitor's publicist confirmed Friday. The video-game heartthrob's publicist released a statement on behalf of the couple after months of tabloid speculation their marriage was in trouble. The statement says, "We would like to announce that after many years together we have decided to formally separate. For those who follow these sorts of things, we would like to explain that our separation is not the result of any speculation reported by the tabloid media. We happily remain committed and caring friends with great love and admiration for one another."
Only days before Christmas, Mrs. Pac-Man was photographed without her wedding ring at Los Angeles' LAX airport. A week later the couple were photographed kissing and cuddling on the Caribbean island of Anguilla, where they were taking a New Year break with Mrs. Pac-Man's friends Sonic the Hedgehog and Courteney Cox-Arquette.
The most common reason being given for the split is that the couple argued over whether or not to have children. Pac-Man is reportedly keen to become a father while Mrs. Pac-Man is said to want to concentrate on her video game career. Another theory is that Pac-Man had an affair with fellow video game actor Lara Croft, Tomb Raider.
Croft has blasted reports she destroyed the Pac-Mans' marriage - insisting she was merely a "shoulder to cry on" for the hunky yellow circular blip. While Croft admits she formed a close friendship with Pac-Man working on a video game
together last year, she's
rubbished speculation their bond developed into romance. Instead, she
hints their marriage was ruined by the non-existence of children in their
household.
ToD's hottest couple during happier times
Croft says, "I've been painted as the Wicked Witch of the West and a marriage wrecker. But all I've ever been to Packy is a shoulder to cry on. Half the world believes we had an affair and I'm the one to blame for his split. But the truth is I was there to try to help him through his pain. He longs to be a father and he's been in emotional turmoil for a long time because that hasn't happened for him."
Meanwhile, George Clooney has offered his pal Pac-Man a free holiday at his Italian mansion to help him get over his marital split. An insider tells British magazine New, "George has been a rock to Pac-Man."
The Pac-Mans' split has rocked people around the world. As "Today" show host Katie Couric recently said, "If their marriage can't survive, what kind of hope can there be for the rest of us?"
Would
You Trade Your Life For Some Nachos?
Ironman's
blast gets too close for comfort
Tournament of Doom Chairwoman Storm has announced changes in the 2005 TOD concession sales program that has left many fans beguiled.
At a news conference today, Storm said all concession stands will be moved to the edges of the arena for this summer's TOD. Those waiting in line will actually have to stand inside the arena while TOD competition rages around them.
Tournament of Doom spectators expressed frustration with the new policy. Aaron S., a fan of the TOD since its inception, said, "I don't think people are willing to risk their lives just to wait in line for some popcorn. The Tournament of Doom has to provide greater security for those who simply want to exercise their right to buy delicious snack foods."
Storm ensured fans that the TOD would do everything within their power to make the purchase of concessions safe near the playing field. "We will be setting up rope lines for patrons to wait in and to ward off unforeseen attacks. In addition, we will be stationing highly-trained, well-paid Stormtroopers along the rope line's perimeters to guard against the encroachment of violence."
Shortly after Storm's announcement, a number of Stormtroopers deserted the TOD security force. "Sure it pays well," one Stormtrooper said, "but it ain't worth losing your life over."
Tournament of Doom fan Michelle N. said she was determined to buy concessions at the in-arena stands until the TOD recently got to close for comfort. "I was telling my friends we shouldn't let a bunch of super-powered comic book heroes fighting a few under-armed cartoon characters get in way of us buying a cool, refreshing drink of Coca-Cola when suddenly the tree I was standing under burst into flames. I barely escaped with my life. It turned out to be Trogdor practicing his TOD moves when he got a little carried away with his breathing of fire. I decided right then and there that I wasn't going anywhere near a concession stand during the competition."
Bubs, the director of TOD concession services, believes the ringside violence will both endanger the lives of his concession workers and result in a poor concession sales turn-out. "Who would want to risk their life just to buy a hot dog?" Bubs said.
Storm eventually did concede not all concession stands would be safe,
especially if fighters like Iron Man and Dr. Doom are going at it. "But
it's just concessions, right?" Storm added. "Buying a hot dog
really isn't that big a deal."
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Tournament of Doom News
- Online Edition
February 2005