How To Rid Your Yard Of Dandelions
and lower your blood pressure at the same time
by Nancy Carr
Ingredients: 1 Turkey Corn Pudding Green Beans Stuffing Sweet Potatoes Mashed Potatoes w/gravy Cranberry Sauce Hot rolls Relish tray Pumpkin Pie Whipped Cream Hot coffee
Get up early in the morning & have a cup of coffee, remove Eclectus from kitchen counter. Prepare stuffing, remove Eclectus from edge of stuffing bowl. Stuff turkey & place it in the roasting pan, remove Eclectus from edge of pan. Have another cup of coffee. Prepare relish tray, remember to make twice as much so that you'll have a regular size serving after the Eclectus has eaten his fill.
Remove Eclectus from kitchen counter. Prepare cranberry sauce, discard berries "accidently" flung to the floor. Peel potatoes, remove Eclectus from edge of potato bowl. Arrange sweet potatoes in a pan & cover with brown sugar & mini-marshmallows, remove Eclectus from edge of pan & replace missing marshmallows.
Have another cup of coffe & remove Eclectus from kitchen counter.
When time to serve the meal: Place roasted turkey on a large platter, cover beak marks with strategically placed sprigs of parsley. Put mashed potatoes into serving bowl, rewhip at last minute to conceal bite marks. Place pan of sweet potatoes on sideboard, forget presentation as there's no way to hide the areas of missing marshmallow. Put rolls in decorative basket, remove Eclectus from side of basket along with beaked rolls, serve what's left.
Remove Eclectus from kitchen counter & carve the pie into serving slices. Wipe whipped cream off Eclectus' face & place large dollops of remaining cream on pie slices. Whole slices are then served to guests, beaked-out portions are reserved for host & hostess.
Place Eclectus inside cage & lock the door. Sit down to a nice relaxing dinner accompanied by plaintive cries of "Want DINNER!" from the other room.
Put the budgies into the flight cage or the empty room. Fill the cage/room with perches, bird toys, etc. Add button quail if desired. Place the comfy chair near the cage or in the room. Relax in the chair with your favorite beverage and watch the budgies cavort.
As you enjoy the budgies, you will want to do all you can for them, such as feeding them greens to keep them healthy. Go into your yard and harvest dandelion leaves(NOTE: only use leaves that have not been sprayed with insecticide). Wash and chop the leaves; chop some very fine for the quail. Serve the chopped greens and watch the obvious enjoyment of the budgies and quail.
Their enjoyment is so rewarding that you will begin to harvest dandelions for them on a regular basis. Soon you will find that there are no dandelions left. You may use other untreated, edible weeds such as sour clover (with the yellow flowers), sweet clover (purple or white flowers), chickweed, grasses, etc.
You will consider trying to cultivate dandelions and other yummy weeds for your birds, but will discard the idea as ridiculous. (If you do try to grow a plot of dandelions, you will find that the dandelions, aware of their new non-weed status, become more finicky and sensitive than the rarest African violet. Moreover, your neighbors will petition to have you removed as a crazed menace.)
Eventually there will not be a weed in sight. Out of your love for the birds and their fondness for dandelions, you will actually PURCHASE DANDELION GREENS! at the grocery because your yard has none. Congratulations.
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