A Female!
Yes! You believe that three hours is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to prepare to go out (four if hair-washing is required), that chocolate is the answer to all your emotional problems, and that Maybelline knows better. Flashing some cleavage can get you anything. Bringing up an incident which occured 20 years previously is a perfectly fair way to win an argument. And removing all the hair from your body by pulling it out by the roots is not only sane, it's essential. Why? No one knows.
Totally wrong? Go back, read the question carefully, and try again!