Can't ever keep from fallling apart, at the seams
Can I believe you're taking my heart, to pieces?
We'll try to stay blind
To the hope and fear outside
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me in to cry
Who do you need?
Wo do you love?
When you come undone?
~Duran Duran
~Come Undone
Annalise reclined against the rim of her bathtub and rested her feet on AJ's chest.
"Hand me the shaving gel please," she said distractedly. AJ handed it to her and watched as she began shaving one of her legs. He frowned...Annalise had been acting weird all night, ever since she got home from work. She'd been fine when she left this morning.
"You okay?," he asked her, lightly massaging her ankle.
"Fine," she replied, "why do you ask?"
"I don't know...you seem kinda...distracted."
She shrugged, "Jade called me this morning and told me she wasn't coming into work today."
"I didn't even hear the phone ring."
She rolled her eyes, "You could sleep through anything."
"Is that what's bothering you?"
Annalise glanced up at him, her hand stilled in its movement of dragging the razor over her calf. "No...get this...she showed up around nine. She didn't say anything to anyone...she just went in her office and started working on her computer. Then, at lunch...she just started crying. She really broke down AJ...I've never seen her like this."
AJ was absentmindedly tracing his fingertips over the tiny veins in her feet. "Did you find out what's wrong with her?"
"I'll give you three guesses...and the first two don't count."
"Howie."
"Yeah. She wouldn't tell me what happened...the only thing she told me was that they've known each other since they were kids or something. I'm worried about her...she didn't even mention you once today. Usually she follows me around the office telling me to call you and babbling about what a great guy you are."
AJ laughed and bit the underside of her foot, "If she only knew," he muttered.
Annalise gave him a dirty look, "Well she doesn't know...and I'd like to keep it that way. Anyway...sounds to me like she shoud be worrying about her own love life instead of mine."
AJ grinned and gave her a suggestive glance, "Need any help with yours?" Annalise just smiled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jade answered the phone, annoyed. It was just after 10:30 in the morning, she was already ten minutes late for an important business lunch she was catering. She wanted to go home...but she knew she couldn't. She'd already missed more days than she cared to admit. "God not now," she groaned just before snatching the receiver up.
"Jade Stanton."
"Hey Jaybird."
"Howie," she breathed, flopping down into the chair behind her desk. They'd only spoken a handful of times since that disasterous morning in her living room over a month ago...she was more than a little surprised to hear his voice. She hadn't talked to him in well over two weeks, something that bothered her to no end. It was the only period of time where they hadn't spoken nearly every day. And that had broken her heart more than anything else.
"So...what's up?," she asked, trying to sound cheerful. She glanced at her watch...deciding that the Offices of Burkett and Smith could wait a few more minutes.
"Not much," Howie replied calmly. He wasn't sure what to say to her anymore...and he missed her. He'd wanted to call her hundreds of times, just to hear her voice, her laugh...to hear her tease him. But each time he had called, their conversations had been terse and tense. Finally, he'd just stopped calling as often as he normally did.
"So...um...are you still coming this weekend?," Jade asked, interrupting his thoughts.
"Well, that's what I called to talk about. I can't make it Jay."
"What? But the last time we talked you said that you'd be here," she protested, fightng back tears.
"I know I did, and I'm sorry...something came up."
"Mind if I ask what?"
Howie took a deep breath...this was harder than he'd thought it would be. "Susan's taking me to meet her parents this weekend."
Jade didn't say anything for a full minute. Susan again...God she hated the bitch. She'd been so excited at the thought of seeing him again, and now this Susan woman was ruining things...again.
"Fine," Jade finally snapped into the receiver.
"Come on Jade...don't be like this," Howie pleaded. "You missed my birthday, remember?"
"I had to work!," she exclaimed, "I wasn't ditching you for someone else!"
"Jay-"
Jade slammed the phone down hard, then burst into tears. She felt horrible...was she over reacting? Probably. She rested her head on her desk and closed her eyes. Her phone rang again...damn it all to hell. She didn't feel like working now..she just wanted to go home and crawl into bed and never come out of it, as she'd spent much of the last month. Even so, she realized that she couldn't deal with the depression she felt by staying in bed all day. Now she guessed she'd try burying it in her work. Sniffling a little, she answered the phone.
"This is Jade."
"Hi Jade! This is Maria on the switchboard...I have Roger Burkett on the phone for you."
"Tell him I've already left," Jade told the chipper voice on the other end. She set the phone down before Maria had a chance to reply. Ten minutes later, she was on her way out the door. The lunch went smoothly, and Jade returned to the office just in time to catch Annalise for a late lunch of their own. She was crying again by the time she reached Annalise's office, then without wanting to, she suddenly blurted out, "He's not coming for rmy birthday!"
She'd told Annalise as much as she could about the situation, leaving out the most important parts...like the fact that she was in love with him. But Annalise had seemed distracted herself, and although she'd sympatized, she had offered little comfort. Jade left the office that evening feeling worse than she had earlier. She was miserable. She needed to talk to someone...but what could she do when the person she always talked to about this kind of stuff was the very person causing her distress?
A message on her answering machine gave her the therapy she needed.
"Jade...this is Randy. Hey listen, I was wondering if you'd come in and sing for me tonight? Rusty has the flu, she can't make it in tonight...you're my only hope, doll."
Jade smiled as she listened, running into her bedroom. She rummaged through the back of closet until she found what she was looking for. The outfit was perfect for this. The top was little more than a leather bra, complete with a heavy chainmail pull-over to wear over it. A full length leather skirt with long slits up wither side completed the ensemble. Jade smiled as she put the clothes on...laughing to herself. She never thought she'd ever get to wear the damn thing...it was something she'd purchased on impulse at last year's Renaissance Festitval.
She slipped into her bathroom and arranged her auburn hair into a crown of braids on top of her head. Then she lined her eyes with heavy black make-up an wet her lips with a deep burgundy lipstick. She grinned at her reflection...the woman staring back at her was a far cry from the business professional she'd been just moments earlier. She left her house in a hurry...desperate to get lost in the deep music and dark interior of the bar. Randy approached her the minute she stepped through the door.
"Thank God," he said, kissing her cheek. "You're a life saver Jade."
"Just point me towards the stage," she replied, smiling.
Minutes later, she found herself in front of the microphone, swaying to the hypnotic sounds coming from the band behind her. She sang, occasionally taking swigs from the bottle of tequila the band was passing between them. This was her therapy...seeing the small crowd's appreciation of her, expressing her depression through music. It didn't matter that most of her audience were drunk outsiders...they appreciated her, identyfied with the pain she was feeling. It was far better than sitting at home, staring at the walls. She knew most of the people there, and soon they called out requests...which Jade was more than happy to provide for them.
By the time she left the stage two hours later, her throat was hoarse, she was bordering on drunk...but she felt ten times better. She hopped up onto a barstool and grinned at Randy. He passed her another shot of tequila.
"You love this don't you?," he asked.
"You know it," she replied, gulping down the tequila in one swig. She stared at the empty glass in her hand, then frowned.
"You know...the last time I drank tequila...it ruined my life."
Randy smiled, "It does that sometimes."
But Jade wasn't smiling anymore. Randy watched her walk away...to an empty table in the darkest corner of the bar. He shook his head...it was such a shame to see such a beautiful young woman sitting alone.
Jade rested her forehead against the cool surface of the table. Tears burned hot against her face. Her moment of peace hadn't lasted very long...her mind was once again reeling with thoughts of Howie. Couldn't she escape him for just one night? With a weary sigh, she gave up and sobbed, her tiny shoulders shaking. Damn him...she needed him now more than she ever had before, and he couldn't help her this time. She wished she could hate him...hell, she'd tried to hate him. It was useless. She couldn't stop loving him, couldn't stop the ache she felt. Why couldn't he see that? Why couldn't he love her? What did Susan have that she didn't? From what Jade had gathered, the woman was dull and boring. God...she needed him. She needed his quiet strength, his reassurance that everything would be okay. He always made everything okay. Drowning herself and her sorrows in a bottle of tequila certainly hadn't made things any better.
"You sounded great up there," a voice said. Jade vaguely realized that another full bottle of tequila and two shot glasses appeared in front of her on the table. She blinked a few times to clear her vision, then gasped in pure shock as she looked at the person the voice belonged to.
"Spencer!"
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