I didn't make these up


EUPHEMISMS FOR MALE MASTURBATION:
1. Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
2. Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
3. Audition the finger puppets
4. Audition your hand puppet
5. Backstroke roulette
6. Bash the candle
7. Battle with the Purple Helmeted Warrior of Love
8. Be your own best friend
9. Beat off
10. Beat the Bishop
11. Beat the bologna
12. Beat the dummy
13. Beat the meat
14. Beat the pud
15. Beat the stick
16. Beat up your date
17. Beef tips stroking off
18. Bleed the weed
19. Blow your load
20. Blow your own horn
21. Bludgeon the beefsteak
22. Bop the bologna
23. Bop the bonzo
24. Box the Jesuit
25. Box with Richard
26. Buff the banana
27. Bugger your hand
28. Burp the baby
29. Burp the worm
30. Butter the corn
31. Caning the vandal
32. Charm the snake
33. Check for testicular cancer
34. Cheese off
35. Choke Kojak
36. Choke the chicken
37. Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
38. Clamp the pipe
39. Clean your rifle
40. Clear the snorkel
41. Climb the tree
42. Closet Frisbee
43. Come into your own
44. Cook the cream of cock
45. Corral your tadpole
46. Couch hockey for one
47. Crank the love pump
48. Crank the shank
49. Crimp the wire
50. Crown the king
51. Cuddle the kielbasa
52. Cuff the carrot
53. Daisy-chaining
54. Date Miss Michigan
55. Date Mrs. Palmer and Her five daughters
56. Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters
57. Defrosting the fridge
58. Diddle
59. Digital penile oscillation
60. Do It Your Way
61. Do handiwork
62. Do the White Knuckler
63. Do the janitor thing
64. Drain the monster
65. Dry humping the ottoman
66. Electing the President
67. Engage in safe sex
68. Exercise one's right
69. Feed the ducks
70. Fiddle the flesh flute
71. Fist fuck
72. Fist your mister
73. Five knuckle shuffle
74. Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
75. Flick your Bic
76. Fling your phallus
77. Flip the Bishop
78. Flog the Bishop
79. Flog the dog
80. Flog the dolphin
81. Flog the dong
82. Flog the hog
83. Flog the log
84. Flog the mule
85. Fly fishing
86. Fondle your flagpole
87. Free Willy
88. Friggit
89. Frost the pastries
90. Gallop the antelope
91. Gallop the old lizard
92. Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion
93. Get a date with Slick Mittens
94. Get chafed
95. Get off
96. Get the German soldier marching
97. Get to know yourself
98. Get your pole varnished
99. Give it a tug
100. Give your low five
101. Go a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
102. Go blind
103. Go on a date with Fisty Palmer
104. Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
105. Go the blow
106. Goose the gherkin
107. Grease the pipe
108. Hack the hog
109. Hand job
110. Hand shandy
111. Hard labor
112. Have one off the wrist
113. Hitchhike to heaven
114. Hitchhike underneath the big top
115. Hold the Bishop
116. Hold the sausage hostage
117. Hone the cone
118. Honk your horn
119. Hug the hog
120. Human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT
121. Hump your hose
122. Jack hammer
123. Jack off
124. Jazz yourself
125. Jerk
126. Jerk Jamby
127. Jerk it
128. Jerk off
129. Jerk the gherkin
130. Jizzlob
131. JocelynEldering
132. Kick your roommate out for five to ten minutes to "call your parents"
133. Look for ticks
134. Lope the mule
135. Love the muppet
136. Love's labors lost
137. Make a foreskin cone
138. Make instant pudding
139. Make the bald man puke
140. Making soup
141. Mangle the midget
142. Manipulate the mango
143. Manual labor
144. Manual override
145. Master Bacon, meet Rosie Hancock
146. Meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
147. Milk the Lizard
148. Milk the cow
149. Milk the moose
150. Milk the self
151. Milking the lizard
152. Mount a corporal and four
153. Much goo about nothing
154. Nerk your throbber
155. Null the void
156. Oil the glove
157. Onan's olympics
158. One gun salute
159. One man band
160. One-night-stand with yourself
161. Pack your palm
162. Paddle the pickle
163. Paint the ceiling
164. Paint the pickle
165. Palm the calm
166. Peel some chilis
167. Peel the banana
168. Perform diagnostics on your ManTool
169. Pet the lizard
170. Pip the pumpkin
171. Play Uno
172. Play a little five-on-one
173. Play a one stringed guitar
174. Play five against one
175. Play in a one-man show
176. Play peek-a-boo
177. Play pocket pinball
178. Play pocket pool
179. Play tag with the pink torpedo
180. Play the skin flute
181. Play tug-o-war with Cyclops
182. Play with your turtle (for uncircumcised guys)
183. Playing the one-stringed melody
184. Please your pisser
185. Plunk your twanger
186. Polish Percy in your palm
187. Polish the Rocket
188. Polish the family jewels
189. Polish the helmet
190. Polish the rock-hard staff of St. Peter
191. Polish the rocket
192. Polish the sword
193. Pound off
194. Pound the bald-headed moose
195. Pound the pud
196. Pound your flounder
197. Pound your pud
198. Prepare the carrot
199. Prime the pump
200. Pull off
201. Pull rank
202. Pull the bologna pony
203. Pull the carrot
204. Pull the cord
205. Pull the goalie
206. Pull the pole
207. Pull the Pope
208. Pull the pud
209. Pull your own leg
210. Pull your prick
211. Pull your taffy
212. Pump the python
213. Pump the stump
214. Punch the clown
215. Punch the munchkin
216. Punish Percy in your palm
217. Ram the ham
218. Relieve tension
219. Ride the great white knuckler
220. Roll your own
221. Romeo and Himself
222. Rope the pony
223. Rope the Pope
224. Rub off
225. Rub one out
226. Rub the pink eraser
227. Run off a batch by hand
228. Sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights
229. Safest sex
230. Sand wood
231. Scour the tower of power
232. Scratch the itch
233. Secret handshake
234. Self abuse
235. Self-induced penile regurgitation
236. Sex with someone you really love
237. Shag
238. Shake hands with Abe Lincoln
239. Shake hands with Yul Brynner
240. Shake hands with the midget
241. Shake hands with the unemployed
242. Shake hands with your John Thomas
243. Shake hands with your wife's best friend
244. Shake the sauce
245. Shake the sausage 246. Shake the snake
247. Shaling the snake
248. Shellac the shillelagh
249. Shemp the hog
250. Shift gears
251. Shine the helmet
252. Shine your pole
253. Shoot for the moon
254. Shoot putty at the moon
255. Shoot the airplane
256. Shuck your corn
257. Slakin' the bacon
258. Slam the ham
259. Slam the salami
260. Slam the salmon
261. Slam the spam
262. Slap high fives with Yul Brynner
263. Slap it
264. Slap pappy
265. Slap the carrot
266. Slap the clown
267. Slap the donkey
268. Slap the pud
269. Slap the purple headed yogurt pistol
270. Slap the salami
271. Sling the jelly
272. Smack off
273. Smack the salami
274. Snap the monkey
275. Snap the rubber
276. Snap the whip
277. Solo flight
278. Solo marathon
279. Solo sex
280. Spank Frank (or Elvis)
281. Spank the Bishop
282. Spank the frank
283. Spank the monkey 284. Spank the salami
285. Spank the wank
286. Squeeze the cheese
287. Squeeze the juice
288. Squeeze the toothpaste in the middle of the tube
289. Squeeze your cheese-dog
290. Stinky pinky
291. Stir the batter
292. Stir the yogurt
293. Strain the main vein
294. Stroke it
295. Stroke off
296. Stroke the carrot
297. Stroke the dog
298. Stroke the mole
299. Stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
300. Stroke the satin-headed serpent
301. Stroke your poker
302. Stroke your twinkie
303. Strumming the one string harp
304. Take matters into your own hands
305. Take part in population control
306. Take the fifth
307. Take the monster for a one-armed ride
308. Talk quietly to yourself
309. Tame the shrew
310. Taunt the one-eyed weasel
311. Tease the weenie
312. Tenderize the tube steak
313. Test the testicles
314. Test your batteries
315. That crazy hand jive
316. The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
317. The art of Unisex
318. The five knuckle shuffle
319. Thrash your thing
320. Thump the pump
321. Thump your thong
322. Tickle the ivory
323. Tickle the pickle
324. Tickle the taco
325. Ticklewigglejigglepickle
326. Toss off
327. Toss the snag
328. Toss the turkey
329. Toss yogurt
330. Tug the slug
331. Twang the wire
332. Tweak your twinkie
333. Twist your crank
334. Unloading the gun
335. Varnish the flagpole
336. Wake the dead
337. Walk the dog
338. Walk the plank
339. Wank
340. Wank with the one-eyed wonder weasel
341. Wash the meat
342. Wax the Buick
343. Wax the carrot
344. Wax the dolphin
345. Wax the dolphin
346. Wax the surfboard
347. Waxin' n' Milkin'
348. Whack Willy
349. Whack it

350. Whack off
351. Whack the weasel
352. Whip off
353. Whip the dummy
354. Whip the one-eyed trouser snake
355. Whip the one-eyed worm
356. Whip the rat
357. Whip the stiff
358. Whip the wire
359. Whip up some sour cream
360. Whip your dripper
361. Whittle the stick
362. Whizzin' jism
363. Windsurf on Mount Baldy
364. Wonk your conker
365. Work off
366. Work things out
367. Work things out
368. Wrestle the dragon
369. Wrestle the eel
370. Wrestling with the bald champ
371. Wring out your rope
372. Wrist aerobics
373. Yank
374. Yank off
375. Yank the crank
376. Yank the yoyo
377. Yank your plank



[Return to Home Page]
This page hosted by GeoCities Get your own Free Home Page