Kayla's referral photo (taken at about 2 months old) and with her foster mom at 9 months
TWO IS NOT ENOUGH! Our lives prior to August 24, 1995, were very comfortable. We lived in our comfort zone and had just celebrated our 7th anniversary. Our daughters, Leslie and Lori, were grown and this afforded us the opportunity to pick up and go pretty much as we pleased. Additional children were NOT a part of "OUR" plan. And, I had NO desire to fly! However, on that very day an overwhelming desire was placed on our hearts to parent another child. This journey would take us half way around the world. Bob and I had both been deeply touched by the media of the plight of the orphaned girls in China. Bob saw a television news report and I read an article in the newspaper. Initially, we didn't share with one another. I was afraid to tell my husband what I was thinking and feeling and wanted desperately to protect my maternal instincts. I began to pray that the Lord would watch over all the orphaned children in China...and that He would change Bob's heart. Little did I know at the time that Bob was praying that God would show us the way and means to adopt a baby girl from China. On August 26, Bob and I confessed to one another about what we had been thinking.
On Sunday, August 27, 1995, God gave me a vision as I sang on the worship team at church. I saw Bob standing in the front row holding a dark-haired baby wrapped in a white blanket. Imagine our surprise when we arrived home from church that day to find an article in the newspaper on China adoptions which listed several local adoption agencies with China programs. At this point, our daughters thought we had totally lost it! Lori was bent on hanging on to her position as "the baby".
We began doing our homework and found ourselves as human sponges, soaking up all information we could find on China. We checked out the agencies that were listed in the newspaper and chose the one we felt fit us best. The agency was holding an informational meeting in September which Bob committed to attending alone because I had already made plans to attend a Vineyard Worship Conference in Columbus, Ohio. Bob was sold on this agency. However, it would be another two months before I could attend an informational meeting. In November after meeting little "Jasmine" who had recently come home to America, we were convinced. By now, we were certain that we were to adopt from China. However, there was one major stumbling block before us - FINANCING! We had a complete lack of funds.
January 1996 arrived and we hadn't moved off square one. We were sharing with our pastor that we truly believed this is what we were supposed to do, but we simply didn't have the funds. He told us that if a person waits until he or she has the funds or whatever it is that is needed, that person will never know what it means to take a step of faith. So...we took that step of faith. We had learned that we had to trust the Lord that everything we needed would be provided.
On February 5, 1996, we sent our application to the agency we had chosen. We were finally on our way! From March until June ALMOST everything went smoothly. Our home study was completed and approved, numerous forms had been filled out, many documents had been collected and the necessary notarizations, county and state certifications, and authentications by the Chinese consulates in Los Angeles and New York City. Then we felt as though a bomb had been dropped on us. Our oldest daughter went through a period of intense resistance to the adoption. One Sunday as we were driving home from church she told us that the Lord had spoken to her in a dream. He told her she was to step aside and let the adoption go through so that He could complete His work. The long-awaited approval of the U.S. Department of Justice, Immigration and Naturalization Service arrived in June.
It was on June 30, 1996, that I lost my job. I saw it coming for about a year and a half. I so wanted to be at home with out little one. Even though we had become dependent on my salary, we believe that it was God who arranged my furlough. He knew my heart's desire to stay home...something I wasn't able to do with our older daughters. I feel this is why I was the only one in our department who wasn't placed in another position. At the same time, I wondered how we were ever going to make it.
On July 1, 1996, we learned from our facilitator that our dossier (collection of documents) had arrived in China. The timing was perfect because our dossier arrived just after the governmental reorganization in China. Many adoptions had been delayed during this reorganization. We were so excited! It was like sitting on top of the mountain. Little did we know that this milestone in our journey would be the beginning of an emotional roller-coaster ride. We missed being snagged by the reorganization and became caught up in the uncertainty of special needs. Because we already had children, even though they were grown, we had to agree to accept a special needs baby. We were hearing that China was in the process of redefining "special needs".
My focus became centered on the adoption and less on God - the one who was orchestrating everything. Because my focus wasn't where it should have been, I was left with feelings of discouragement, hopelessness, and uncertainty. October 9, 1996, was a particularly difficult day for me when these feelings hit me like a brick wall. The morning of October 10th I received a word which gave me renewed hope. It was Luke 1:37,45 - "For with God nothing will be impossible"; "Blessed is she who believed, for these will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord". The following week I received another word of encouragement that just as Abraham laid Isaac before the Lord, I had to lay our China baby in the Lord's arms, seeking Him first, and to love Him with all my heart. Then, He will place our baby in our waiting arms.
The road which had been full of bumps of uncertainty had suddenly become smooth again. My focus was in the right place...on God, the One who had orchestrated this adoption. Still, it was a bit difficult to see others who had been assigned to our travel group receive their referrals without so much as a word on our daughter. We learned that we had been bumped out of our initial travel group.
On the evening of January 6, 1997, a pastor gifted in the prophetic visited our church. I arrived with a feeling of great expectancy. While I didn't receive a personal word from God, I left church that night with a feeling of overflowing joy. Less than 24 hours later, around 6:00pm as Bob and I were headed out the door to go grocery shopping, the phone rang. It was our facilitator calling to tell us that we had a daughter! Tears of joy flowed down my cheeks. Our baby was waiting for us in an orphanage in southern China. Her name was Guo, Xiaoke - "Guo" being a made-up surname, "Xiao" meaning early morning, and "ke" meaning technology or intelligent. She was born April 29, 1996. We were thrilled to know that our daughter was still an infant - there was a possibility that we could have been referred a child up to 18 months of age.
As I reflect back on what has taken place in our lives and in the lives of our older daughters, I realize that God had some things to work out in us first...and we needed to learn to put our trust in God that everything we needed would arrive at just the right time.
The next six weeks were a flurry of activity as we prepared for our trip on February 20, 1997. I tend to be a procrastinator (or perhaps I work better under pressure) and while everything was purchased that we would need for our new daughter - diapers, formula, clothing, bottles - the night before we were scheduled to leave found us hurriedly packing.
Remember our financial concerns? We received a small loan to start the adoption process. In addition, we received several gifts to help us out. On January 24, 1997, we still needed about half of the total monies necessary. We felt led to visit another church that day (where we now attend) because we were unable to attend our own. There was a word that those who needed a "touch down from God" (it was Super Bowl Sunday) to raise their hands. We felt this was a word for us. During prayer for a "touch down", Bob had a vision. He saw three people walking toward him and stop. The person in the middle handed him a baby. This vision was so real that he actually had to reposition his hands to accept the infant. We didn't realize it at the time, but feel that it may have been significant of God fulfilling His promise and a sign of financial breakthrough. As we left this church, we received "holy handshakes" - that is, a handshake where money is transferred. Did I mention here that on this day we still needed about half the total funds?
While going through the waiting process, we received a word from a woman in our church that much of what was needed to finance this adoption would come after I lost my job. The day before we were to leave JFK for China our financial need was almost as great as on that Super Bowl Sunday! BUT, we received a phone call that afternoon. We were told we would have the remaining money we needed that evening...in $100 bills - exactly how we were to take it with us! AND WE DID! $9500! And upon our arrival home, we found three checks in the pile of mail that had accummulated totaling $2850! This was more than enough to cover the credit card charges for hotel rooms.
My parents picked us up very early the morning of February 20, 1997, to take us to JFK Airport. We had time to enjoy a cup of coffee with them there. When it was finally time to move to the boarding area, I suddenly began shaking...overcome with fear - fear of flying and wondering what I had gotten myself into (being a mom again). We boarded the plane along with the rest of our travel group, which consisted of six other couples. Our seats were in an exit row at the front of the economy section. Seated across from us was a very understanding flight attendant who was extremely sensitive to my fears of my very first flight. She explained many things to me to help calm my fears. Once we were in the air, I realized that flying wasn't so bad afterall. However, I was afraid to get out of my seat! After many hours in the air on the 13-1/2 hour flight to Tokyo, I finally got up the nerve to walk to the restroom! It was a good flight. I became accustomed to the drone of the engines while we cruised along at about 550 miles an hour. Our flight pattern took us up and over the pole. We were about 500 miles north of Gnome, Alaska, when the pilot announced to us to look out the windows. There below us was the great expanse of the frozen tundra. What an awesome site.
Our trip to China was a very positive experience. We had been warned that we would experience culture shock. Until we departed the plane in Beijing, we didn't fully comprehend the term "culture shock". Most of the people in China are very poor compared to American standards; however, we believe that to them it was a way of life. We had never before seen such poverty. The Chinese people treated us with great respect and those we encountered were very supportive of our adoption. They would ask us if our baby was a boy or a girl. When we replied, "A girl," many responded either, "Lucky baby," or with a thumbs up sign.
While in Beijing, we visited the great expanse of The Great Wall. It was a cold, windy, and snowy day. I wasn't dressed warmly enough and spent much of my time there in the warmth of a little shop which served delicious tea. Bob hiked the wall and captured views and scenery on camera. From there, we visited The Imperial Palace, and then it was on to Tiananmen Square. It was a strange feeling to stand where such a great tragedy had taken place nearly nine years before. That day the Square was a place visited by Chinese families, children flying kites...truly so peaceful. Yet, it was difficult to stay focused on sightseeing...I just wanted my baby.
The next day we flew to Guangzhou. This flight brought us one step closer to our precious baby. We registered at the Victory Hotel and got settled into our rooms. The following morning was the day we had been waiting for for so long. We had an early appointment to register at the Office of Foreign Adoptions. We were asked a number of questions by the only gentleman in the room. Afterwards our guide said, "Congratulations!" We were "approved" to adopt.
Later that day, in the afternoon, we packed our bags and were driven to the Guangzhou airport. Soon I would experience another first - eating with chopsticks. Our waiter must have heard me tell the others at our table that I was going to ask for a fork. He walked over to our table, and taking my chopsticks in his hand (still in the wrapper), pounded them on the table to open the packaging. His actions immediately told me that I was not going to be given a fork. Our meal consisted of a rice dish. The waiter must have been totally amused to watch a bunch of Americans eating rice with chopsticks!
At long last, it was time to board our flight to Zhanjiang, located in southwestern Guangdong Province. The flight was short and uneventful. Upon arrival at the Zhanjiang airport, we boarded a bus...bound for the Zhanjiang Children Welfare Centre!
Finally the bus made a right turn into a beautifully landscaped courtyard. The courtyard was surrounded by a black iron fence and gate. As we exited the bus, we noticed a well-kept building. It looked like an apartment building or hotel. We had finally arrived at the orphanage. The group of seven couples was escorted into the first floor conference room where the babies were brought to us one at a time. We were second! Kayla's foster mom or caretaker placed this beautiful dark-haired infant into my arms while Bob clicked away with the camera. Kayla studied my face and hair intently. We wanted to get some photos with the caretaker and the young woman who was with her. The caretaker was obviously grieving her loss...tears were streaming down her cheeks. Of course, I cried too. I felt her pain. We tried to communicate to her that we would take very good care of Kayla and that we would love and nurture her. I will never know if we succeeded or not. I placed Kayla back in the woman's arms. The woman's face instantly broke out in a wide smile. Suddenly, we were told that it was time to leave, and we were rushed out of the room into the courtyard and back onto the bus. I turned back to see Kayla's caretaker leaving as well. We boarded the bus and got settled. There near the black iron gate stood Kayla's caretaker, the baby carrier carefully folded and held tightly next to her chest. Beside her was her bicycle. She cried as she watched the bus pull away, never to see this baby again.
More disturbing for another family, though, was the final goodbye of their new daughter's foster dad. He stood at the bus window with his hands on the glass...as if to touch the precious life he had cared so much about. Tears flowed that day as these precious babies left for their new lives.
TO BE CONTINUED....
Would we do it again? Guess.
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