The top 39 things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say, no matter how much they've had to drink, no matter how far from the South they've wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening...


yeah, alright, i'm technically considered a southern b/c i'm in Virginia, but seriously folks, I don't think any of these apply to me. Maybe to others, ya never know. And do please note, that these are only for humor. In no way am I trying to really make fun of southerns, they're good people. Again...this is a joke folks.



Freebie: I can't shoot that Buck, I've already hunted my limit.

39. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.

38. Duct tape won't fix that.

37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

35. We don't keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can't feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids, not in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30. Wrestling's fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We're vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don't need another dog.

24. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin' is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I've got it all on the C: drive.

13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

9. Checkmate.

8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen

5. I don't have a favourite college team.

4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

3. You All.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.

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