da...da...





TA.... TA.... TAKE THE QUIZ RIGHT NOW!
Age:1

Role: Pacifier sucking youngest child, saves family from bears, regains Uncy Herb's fortune by calibrating the baby translater



Monetary Value: either NRA4EVER or $847.63

First Word: Daddy.

Second Word: Daddily Doodily.

Nemesis: That baby with the one eyebrow.

Maggie's big day to shine was her outstanding performance in Lisa's future as told by a scary old lady in the woods. In this episode she is seen to be talking on the telephone and talking while her mouth is full at the dinner table. This proves that her voice box is indeed capable of monosyllabic vocalization despite her infinite existence as the silent 1 year old baby. However, her voice is not once actually heard in this episode due to interruptions by Marge. Before we get a chance to hear the voice, Lisa runs off to catch her esquilax (a medieval horse with the head of a rabbit and the body of... a rabbit)and the dream is over.

One of my favorite episodes involving Maggie is Lisa the Babysitter in which Bart does all that he can to keep down Lisa's image as Springfield's top child care authority. In so doing, Bart feeds Maggie an entire bowl of coffee ice cream containing caffeine, of course. If you ever thought cartoons couldn't depict true human emotions through facial expressions, you haven't seen the wide eyed Maggie Simpson hanging from the shower rod.

When Marge sends Bart down to the Kwicky Mart to buy a bag of ice, the Simpsons get into a little more than they bargained for. You see Apu is ordering ice from ice-pick expeditions to the South Pole. And this just so happened to have been the final resting place of Mr. Burn's beloved teddy bear Bobo. Finding this in the bag of ice, Bart says, "Hey Apu, this bag has a head in it!" Which Apu respondes to with, "Ooh, a head bag! Chock full of... heady goodness." So Bart buys the head bag, finds out the head is a teddy bear, and gives it to Maggie. Meanwhile Mr. Burns can find no comfort without his beloved teddy bear, despite efforts by Smithers to dress up as the bear (leave the costume). Burns can't offer Homer much for the bear (reject the first offer, reject the first offer), but he sends the message to Homer that he has cut off the city's supply of Beer by interrupting the Soul Mass Transit System, the Spanish Bee Guy, and other such colorful TV programs. The angry mob of beer swillers, however, subsides after taking one glance at the heart broken young Maggie. Burns lowers himself to trying to steal the bear away from Maggie, but, how embarrassing, he is beaten by a baby (what a scoop!). Maggie, out of the kindness of her heart, then decides to give the bear to Burns, causing the Simpsons to lose the big thing of riches they could have gotten out of Burns for it. In the year 1,000,000 Burns (his head at least) again steals the bear back as he does every century from some of Homer's decendents. What a truly touching tale of infantile heroinism.



Maggie's Silent Wisdom


Quiz time once again, and this time we're not dealing with words, we're talking nothing but silent strategy. Mail your answers to sacrilicious1@oocities.com (All participants must be 18 years of age or have parental consent. Visa and Mastercard accepted. Over due library book holders will be assessed no fine during amnesty week. Chicken doesn't taste like anything else, but everything tastes like chicken. And of course I can only post 3 of your answers!)

As Maggie spends time with her foster family, the Flanders, she gains what unwholesome ability?-180 degree head spin-solved by Jason Woolfrey

When Maggie burps, what word does Homer think she has said?-burlap-solved by Rebecca Hubbard

To thwart the Babysitter Bandit, Maggie unties Bart and Lisa if she is allowed to watch what on the tv?-the happy little elves-solved by Jason Woolfrey

In Bart's Indian Casino telling of the future, what is Maggie's daughter's name?-

In the casino, Marge's neglegence nearly leads to Maggie's death by a rare white tiger. Who saves her life?-Barney Gumble-solved by Ross Bovenkerk

What food does Maggie and Grandpa both eat (I wanna bib too!)?-

The Talking Krusty doll which pulls Maggie back up after grabbing the keys off the day care lady's desk exclaims what message?-

"Aww, isn't that cute," Chief Wiggum says after witnessing what event performed by Maggie which destroys a public mailbox?-

What headline is on the newspaper that Maggie roles up in inside the newspaper dispenser?-Deadbeat Dad Beat Dad-solved by Josh Fox

What does Maggie want in return for helping Uncy Herb calibrate the baby translator?-what the dog's eating-solved by Carver Cordes

Maggie's/Mr. Burns' bear, Bobo, is old and moldy which immediately makes Homer realize what?-


move along to the first born within an earshot
move along to a chronic nagger
move along to a member of Super Friends
move along to a man with his name in his underware
move along to Springfield's ace monorail conductor
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