First Psychotic Episode My first psychotic episode began when I was in my early 20's.  I had false memories of my father sexually abusing me, and eventually I had false memories of my parents' involving me in satanic rituals.  This episode went on for several years.  For part of this time, I stopped having any contact with my family because I believed they would harm me.  I now know that these false memories were really hallucinations caused by my schizoaffective disorder. The false memories of sexual abuse began when I was about 22.  I was reading a magazine article about a woman who had been sexually abused, and all of these images popped up in my head of my father doing terrible things to me.  Eventually, I came to believe that my mother knew about the abuse but did nothing to stop it.  I read several self-help books about overcoming sexual abuse, and actually began to feel better as I did the exercises in them.  I maintained contact with my parents during this time because I believed that the abuse had occurred before my dad became a Christian, and that the abuse ended with his conversion.  There was just one problem.  I was never sexually abused. Eventually, I began having more frightening flashbacks.  These were of satanic ritual abuse.  I honestly believed for awhile that my parents had belonged to a satanic coven and forced me to participate in rituals, including human sacrifice.  I sought professional help, because I knew this was illogical.  Unfortunately, the freak I ended up with did more damage than good.  She convinced me that not only were my parents evil satanists, but that I should avoid contact with them because they would harm me.  She had an answer for everything.  They weren't really Christians, they were posing as Christians to cover up their satanic activities.  If I even spoke to them on the phone, they could utter certain phrases that would reprogram me without my even knowing it.  One time some friends of mine were visiting my parents, and I wanted to go see them.  I figured it would be safe with my friends in the house, but she told me they would drug my friends and then reprogram me.  One of my friends died before I ever got to see him again.  Thanks a lot, Juliana. Eventually I got tired of being scared all the time, so I decided to see my parents, no matter what.  By this time I was no longer seeing Juliana, the freaky counselor, so she couldn't talk me out of it.  Nothing bad happened, and I knew my memories were false.  We began to rebuild our relationship, and today we all get along quite well.  I now know that these bizarre images were hallucinations caused by the schizoaffective disorder.  You can read more details in my complete story.