"Only my gun understands me!"

             -Michael

". . .The screaming, moaning and suffocation of the prey truly make this a delightfully sick game. Every sound effect is perfect and truly adds to the charachters dimensia and makes the player feel like they in that particular scenery. Looking to Postal 2. It has to include the "ELEMENTARY SCHOOL" scene. Who knew it would actually become true to life?. . ."

"I like this game. As a future serial killer i really most say that this is a good practice. You will hear more of me in the newspapers bombings, shooting, slaughter and NUKING A MAYOR CITY)"

". . . When someone crawls bleeding across the ground, instead of just leaving a trail of red spots, like spray paint, they should leave a distinct streak of blood in their wake. . ."

"Postal kicks major ass I love to kill the people in the game. but there is one thing what do you do when you kill everyone. or were do you go?"

             Darryl, kick ass
 

When a Vote is NOT a Vote
Everywhere, USA - Democracy is alive and well in the U.S. -- a new election looms on the horizon, providing the opportunity to bring new blood into the crowded field -- sort of. The simple fact of the matter is only 15% of the vote will decide whether or not any changes are made to government. In essence -- our elections are fixed by the incumbents. How is this possible in the Land of the Free, the Home of the Brave? In a very simple -- and very sneaky way. After a census, state legislatures (with the help of the incumbent politicians) redefine the state and congressional district borders to ensure as many safe house seats as possible. The result: little or no real competition, or major party choice, come election time. Even if there is a landslide, only 15% decide the fate of future politics. This means that 85% of the vote is fixed -- which constitutes a majority vote without an election. This makes America the Land of the Fix and the Home of the Sneak. This column is getting scary.

And I wondered how a politician could ambarrass their country on the International road, threaten to burn down Washington, and still stay in office. Now I know: careful planning. And may democracy rest-in-peace -- Editor

Japan's Economy Takes the Plunge
Japan - It's not every day a major monetary power like Japan goes tits-up. With more than a half-trillion dollars in bad debt, high income taxes to the point that they limit consumer spending, and tight regulations that inhibits their ability to perform competitively, Japan is in the midst of a financial crisis. You have to give them credit, though, they are a business-driven country to the end. Using a business-like approach, they fired their Prime Minister. If the same thing happened in the U.S., the President would be good for another term if he/she planned their districts right. 

At press time, there are no firm choices for the successor. I place my bets on Ross Poirot, and possibly Steve Forbes, if they can overcome the language barriers the new position would impose. Another possible candidate is "Chainsaw Al", but after what happened at his last position, Japan will probably choose a proven contender.

What a Target
Mercer County, New Jersey - Here's an interesting side-story. In a corn field in Mercer County, New Jersey, a 130 foot swastika was discovered -- carved into the field -- and visible only from the air. Is there a swastika in a field near you?  
 

Just Because You're a Nun, it Doesn't Mean You Get None
Oslo, Norway - Some Nuns can get some, and in front of Oslo Cathedral in Norway, some tourists got some too. What did they get? A free show depicting a model, donned in a Nun's costume, stripping before the crowd. To say the least, Bishop Andreas Aarflot of the Evangelical Lutheran Church, is upset, and sees it as "... a gross abuseof the church..."  I think he's peeved because he missed the show, after all, she did display herself in the regal splendor that God created.  

Inside the Vatican (Satire)
The Vatican - The Supreme Arch-Bishop in charge of Vatican affairs looked distraught. The Pope asked him what was wrong, and he replied, "Its the marketing group from Ketucky Fried Chicken again, your emminence." He continued, "Colonel Sanders just keeps calling. First it was a million dollars, then 10 million. I turned him down, flat. I didn't want to bother you, your Emminence, but they've finally increased their offer to FIFTY million dollars, and all we have to do is change the Lord's Prayer to read, 'Give us this day our daily chicken'." 

The Pope looked distraught. He drew a deep breath and placed a finger on his cheek, as if to emphasize his obvious state of deep thought. He finally broke the silence, "Well, fifty million dollars would go a long way toward spreading the Lord's word. Think of all the people we could help." 

The Supreme Arch-Bishop agreed, fifty million dollars would go a long way. He replied, "If that's your wish sir, I guess we'll do it. But the Wonder Bread people are going to be pissed!" 

October 1998 - Pope John Paul is tired of receiving so many liberal requests from his flock. From asking for homosexuals to be continued acces to the church after "coming out" to allowing abortions for church members suffering from rape-induced pregnancies, to priests actually requesting the right to marry and have legal, consentual sex with a member of the opposite sex, to allowing women to become priests, the Pope has had enough. In a scathing religious decree, he tows the Catholic line, thereby laying down the law for members of his huge, wealthy, religious organization - the richest in the world. The decree, his 13th since he took office, is said to demand a call to the basic tenants that make up the Catholic religion. Let's hope the Spanish Inquisition doesn't apply.

Johnny's Little Helper
Everywhere, but primarily the U.S. - It reads like a scene from the classic movie, "The Stepford Wives" but our children are getting a boost in their academics, thanks to some speed the doctor prescribes. The numbers are daunting: more than 2 million American children take Ritalin, a drug that is chemically similar to cocaine. In fact, Ritalin is so widely prescribed that some school districts have 20% of their students line up at the nurse's office for their daily fix. 

Why "The Stepford Wives"? Because this drug chemically modifies our children to behave "better". Parents no longer have to get to the root their children's behavioral problems. They simply give their children a pill. Voilla! Happy, productive, slightly mind-altered children. Using this approach, you can hide many problems -- but not the problem with our society that accepts this practice. If this trend continues, Prozac may be the next option to help parents manage their children. The pharmaceutical company Eli Lilly, among others, is currently pushing to make anti-depressants like Prozac available to our children.  

College students are accepting the financial rewards a life with Ritalin provides. Some students that have been on Ritalin for years actually sell the popular drug to fellow students. 

What's so great about this drug? My personal experience took me thorough a very difficult time with my son Jonah, a cured hyperactive child. Yes, we cured him of hyperactivity. Jonah was extremely hyperactive, to the point in which the school in Virginia, our home when we discovered his problem, didn't want to teach him. The first day he was on Ritalin was like a tropical vacation. All of a sudden, my son could write his name, pay attention and play happily with other children. I remember dancing with my wife and thanking God. 

When we moved to New Hampshire, Jonah entered a school that had 15% of the population on Ritalin. I remember how angry I was at the school's policy: The children on Ritalin only had to do half the workload of the other Ritalin-free children. I was angry beause my son had zero incentive to get off the medication;  I mean, what child wants to aspire to doing MORE schoolwork, especially when their history of accomplishents is marred by the hyperactivity? The next year, Jonah started displaying severe mood swings, to the point in which my wife or I had to be home in the afternoon to help him ride the crash period out while the Ritalin wore off - as no babysitter could handle him. It was obvious to us that Ritalin was the cause of this, even though Jonah's doctor refused to believe there was a problem with the drug. 

With our payed expert denying problems, it was time to get to the root of Jonah's hyperactivity. We found a book, "Why Your Child is Hyperactive" by Dr. Feingold. The book correlated the increasing trend of using artificial colors and preservatives in food with the increase in hyperative children. The bar graphs used to compare the two were practically identical. In addition, the book pointed out that foods with salicilates were also culprits that aggravated the hyperactivity. With this information to pave the way, the family went on a diet for Jonah - and discovered we no longer needed Ritalin in our lives. It's been 8 years since Jonah needed a daily fix of the drug. We told our doctor of our success, but he said it was probably a fluke, that diet had nothing to do with it. My personal experience says he's the fluke, and we found another doctor. If your child suffers from hyperactivity and your doctor never shared dietary options with you, then you should too. 

The New and Continuing Wrath of God
Kenya and Tanzania, Africa - U.S. Embassies were attacked by religious zealots masquerading as terrorists. Truck bombs in Nairobi, Kenya and Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, claimed the lives of more than 250 Americans and locals. As for the guilty party/parties, at press time one group has claimed responsibility and many others are suspect. The group: “The Liberation Army of the Islamic Sanctuaries. U.S. officials and Mideast experts think the Egypt-based Jihad is responsible, as the group faxed a message to a France-based news agency threatening American targets. 

Here's the scary part. These acts of mass-murder were commited in the name of God, under his/her Allah alias. Zealot/terrorist, Osama Bin-Ladin, apparently can talk to Allah him/herself, and states he has been issued a religious decree to kill Americans, civilian and military alike. 

Mark's Slant 
When it gets down to it, I guess we're all the same - all accepting of a history of torture, murder, war and mayhem in the name of "God". First the Catholics and the push to ram Christianity down every country's throat. "What do you mean you don't believe in God? Some time on the rack will convince you of his true power." This begat numerous wars, including the famous "Spanish Inquisition" and the war in Ireland that persists to this day. One shot in the name of love? 

In the U.S., we start a civil war over slavery. The real issue had nothing to do with giving African Americans their rights, or whether or not White Americans were "better" in the eyes of the Almighty. The huge Southern plantations and their wealthy owners needed to keep their labor cheap (what's cheaper than a "slave") and their profits high. World War Two brought an old form of hatred -- against Judaism -- and added a new slant -- whites with blue eyes and blonde hair are better, so get out your bleach. As for the white Jews, go figure.  Today, we have religious fanatics bombing abortion clinics in the name of the Almighty; White supremacists burning crosses, beating and dragging bodies behind their trucks, burning churches and other acts of terrorism in the name of their Almighty; and politicians sacraficing our children to harmful pollutants and cancer-causing tobacco (a repeat of civil war politics in the making?) in the name of their God: the almighty dollar. 

In this big melting pot we consider our world, acts of death, murder and mayhem are fast becoming "just another story" on the evening news. As for the millions of murders over the centuries commited in the name of "God (insert popular alias)," whatever happened to "Thou shall not kill?" 

That said, does God mean death? No, quite the opposite in my opinion. If we were all evil, our world would have self-destructed many years ago. I and those like me still believe that the concept of "The Divine" is an infinite, loving and intelligent energy that surrounds and connects all life. To me, the purpose of life is to learn, grow, and move on to the next lesson. Extra points for taking the Golden Rule seriously. 

Two Satellites Down and No Aliens In Sight
Cape Canaveral, Florida - Under normal circumstances, neither one of these seemingly unrelated stories would have found their way to the "Crazy Years". But in the last two months, two major communications satellites were rendered inoperable by unknown circumstances. Last month, the ComSat satellite just stopped working, which caused pagers all over Philadelphia, among other cities, to stop working. By re-routing key circuits, pager service was restored in just a couple days. Today, August 13, an Air Force Satellite exploded four-miles up on its way to space. Remember the movie Independence Day? The satellites were the first to go.


Satellite Update

Moscow - A rocket containing 12 U.S. comercial satellites burned up just minutes after blastoff, taking the cargo with it. The estimated loss is approximately 30 million dollars. When we do the math, the "satellite hit count" is now up to 14 lost in three months. You have to wonder if this is intentional. Time will tell -- there are 5 more scheduled trips to place new satellites into orbit in the next 6 to 12 months.

"So What if Our Kids Are Dying - Our Lawns Look Damn Good"
Southern New Jersey - August 1998 - A federal study recently linked radium-contaminated water levels to the use of lawn fertilizers in Southern NJ. But that's not the real news. Personal wells that tap into the Kirkwood-Cohansey aquifier and contain high levels of radium from the fertilizers have tainted the water, potentially poisening NJ residents and increasing the risk for bone and skin cancer in the area -- especially among NJ's youth. But that's not the real news either. The "real" news is the NJ government's desire to cover this tidbit up. The goverment has been publishing radium levels for 10 years, but decided not to publically inform residents of the problem.You can be sure, if the news is just now getting out, the problem has already reached epic proportions.

NJ residents are in a panic. While James Blumenstock, the acting senior assistant commisioner at the state Department of Health explains that radium has been around for centuries, and that the high levels are no real cause for concern, residents take his words with a grain of salt. The federal survey disclosed that one-third of the areas 170 wells contain radium levels that are well above federal limits. Phones at local water-testing labs are ringing off the hook.

For the record, the news made the front page of two area newspapers -- the Courier Post (NJ) and the Philadelphia Inquirer. Each paper had entirely different slants for the story. The Courier Post's story line read "Radium concerns trigger flood of calls to labs for water tests". The Inquirer's story line read "New Jersey govt. covers up high radium levels".