SMUT
By Tom Lehrer
Give me smut and nothing but!
I've never quibbled
Por-
Bring on the obscene movies, murals, postcards, neckties,
Stories of tortures
All books can be indecent books,
I thrill
Who needs a hobby like tennis or philately?
A dirty novel I can't shut
If it's uncut
and unsubt-le.
If it was ribald.
I would devour
Where others merely nibbled.
As the judge remarked the day that he acquitted my Aunt Hortense,
"To be smut
It must be ut-
Terly without redeeming social importance."
Nographic pictures I adore.
Indecent magazines galore,
I like them more
If they're hard core.
samplers, stained glass windows, tattoos, anything!
More, more, I'm still not satisfied!
Used by debauchers
Lurid, licentious and vile
Make me smile.
Novels that pander
To my taste for candor
Give me a pleasure sublime.
Let's face it I love slime!
Though recent books are bolder.
For filth, I'm glad to say,
Is in the mind of the beholder.
When correctly viewed,
Everything is lewd.
I could tell you things about Peter Pan
And the Wizard of Oz - there's a dirty old man!
To any book like Fanny Hill,
And I suppose I always will
If it is swill
And really fil-thy.
I've got a hobby: rereading Lady Chatterley.
But now they're trying to take it all away from us unless
We take a stand, and hand in hand we fight for freedom of the press.
In other words: Smut! I love it.
Ah, the adventures of a slut.
Oh, I'm a market they can't glut.
I don't know what
Compares with smut.
Hip, hip, hooray!
Let's hear it for the Supreme Court!
Don't let them take it away!