***Noah's Ark-modern day***

The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months I am going to make it
rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things
are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every
living thing on the planet.

"I am ordering you to build an ark." And, in a flash of lightning, he
delivered the specifications for the ark.

"OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, "I'm
your man."

"Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You better have my
ark completed or learn to swim for a long, long time!"

Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in
torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping,
and there was no ark.

"Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is My ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into
the ground right beside Noah.

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were some
big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark's
construction, but your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an
engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him a
bout whether to include a fire-sprinkler system."

"My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by
building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city
planning board."

"Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there
was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service that I needed the
wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch them, so no owls."

"Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal rights
group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind." "Just when
the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the
ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed
flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction
over the conduct of a Supreme Being."

"Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I
sent them a globe!"

"Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal
Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to hire."

"The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the
country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of use
tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less than five years."

With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched
across the sky.

Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going to destroy the
world?" he asked hopefully.

"No," said the Lord, "the government already has."

***A Bug's Life-Then & Now***

THEN:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant
is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out
in the cold.

NOW - MODERN AMERICAN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the
shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the
ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and
starving.

CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper
next to video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with
food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country
of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association for the
Advancement of Green Bugs) shows up on Nightline and charges the ant with
green bias, and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30
million years of greenism.

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries
when he sings "It's not easy being green."

Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening
News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can
for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserved by those
who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers.

Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant
has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate
tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act"
retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to
hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay
his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation
suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal
hearing officers that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare
moms who can only hear cases on Thursdays between 1:30 and 3 PM.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the
ant's food while the government house he's in (which just happens to be the
ant's old house) crumbles around him since he doesn't know how to maintain
it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the
grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, they are showing Bill
Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats, announcing
that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America.

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