Girl at confession: Father, I've committed the most terrible sin.
I look into the mirror and I say to myself,
'Molly, you're the prettiest girl in
all the world.'
Priest: Get away with you, Molly!
That's not a terrible sin. That's just a mistake.
Two Irishmen met in a pub and discussed the illness of a third.
"Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I'm afraid he's goin' to die."
"Shure, an' why would he be dyin'?" asked the other.
"Ah, he's gotten so thin. You're thin enough, and I'm thin --
but by my
soul, Micheal Hogan is thinner
than both of us put together."
Sean was fishing and it started to rain,
so he moved under the bridge for
shelter.
His pal McGinty saw him and called, "Sean, me boy,
are ye afeared of a few
spots o' rain, now?"
Sean replied, "I'm not...the fish come here fer shelter."
Murphy was selling his house,
and put the matter in an agent's hands.
The
agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house
that made wonderful reading.
After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent
and asked, "Have I got all ye
say there?"
The agent said, "Certainly ye have...Why d'ye ask?"
Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale...'tis too good to part with."
A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a Kerry farmer.
The Texan says : "Takes me a whole bles-sed day
to drive from one side of my ranch to the other."
The Kerry farmer says:"Ah sure,
I know, sir. We have tractors like that over here too."
Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00
and was on a long holiday in America.
He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours
through desert country and oil fields.
Murphy said, "Where are we now?"
The guide said, "We're in the great state of Texas."
"It's a big place,"
said Murphy.
The guide said, "It's so big, that your County Kerry
would fit into the smallest corner of it."
And Murphy said, "Yes, and wouldn't it do
wonders for Texas!"
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