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Q.Why did the blonde have tire treads on her back?
A.Because she crawled to a sign that said do not walk.
Q.What do you call 50 blondes in a staight line ear to ear?
A.An air tunnel.
Q.How do you kill 50 Indians?
A.Shoot a beer over a clif.
Q.How do u kill 50 more?
A.Tell 'em it's still falling.
Q.How do you keep a blond busy for hours?
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Tiger Woods was going to the Air Canada Campionship in Nova Socia.
He's riding in his new Buick and he stops in Quuebec for some gas.
So he stops at a gas station and Jean Guy comes out to assite him. Tiger tells him "fill it up".
So Tiger gets his tank filled and Jean Guy tells him it's 54$. Tiger (being real rich) pulls out a
hand full of cash and at the same time a couple of tees fall out of his pocket. Jean Guy not being familliar with the game of golf
asks him "what are thoes". Tiger answers "these are tees and they soport my balls when i drive." So Tiger leaves, and Jean Guy says "Tabarnak thoes guys at Buick they think of everything".
What Goes on Within a Cat's Mind
What goes through a cat's mind...
Monday - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the satisfaction from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Tuesday - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to throw up on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.
Wednesday - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
Thursday - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan......
Friday - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Saturday - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Sunday - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to molespeak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
Learn Chinese
Say the Chinese translation out loud
English | Chinese | That's not right
Are you harboring a fugitive?
See me A.S.A.P.
Stupid Man
Small Horse
Did you go to the beach?
I bumped into a coffee table.
I think you need a face-lift.
It's very dark in here.
I thought you were on a diet.
This is a tow away zone.
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena?
You are not very bright.
I got this for free.
Please stay a while longer.
Our meeting was scheduled for next week.
They have arrived.
Stay out of sight.
He's cleaning his automobile.
Your body odor is offensive. | Sum Ting Wong
Hu Ya Hai Ding?
Kum Hai Nao
Dum Gai
Tai Ni Po Ni
Wai Yu So Tan?
Ai Bang Mai Ni
Chin Tu Fat
Wai So Dim?
Wai Yu Mun Ching?
No Pah King
Wai Yu Sing Dum?
Yu So Dum
Ai No Pei
Wai Go Nao?
Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Hia Dei Kum
Lei Lo
Wa Shing Ka
Yu Stin Ki Pu |
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