I have a page, Sharing
and Caring, it contains e-mail addresses of those that wish to network with others that are experiencing the same troubles. If you would like to have your e-mail address included please go back to HOME
and provide the information.
May 1st
May 2nd
May 3rd
May 4th
May 5th
May 6th
May 7th
May 8th
May 9th
May 10th
May 11th
May 12th
May 13th
May 14th
May 15th
May 16th
Today has been terrible. I have been sick all day. I am glad mom didn't want to get up until 5:00 this evening. I do think I have a bug, not something from food, I have had a temp. too. God, please don't let mom get this. I hate getting sick, not just because of being sick but from worry about mom. I can handle it, she can't. Tomorrow is her birthday and we are having a party at Sizzler's with 15 people coming to it. Oh well, if they get sick they can just be mad at me, my mom is having a party!!
May 18th
May 18th
May 19th
May 20th
May21st
May 22nd
May 23rd
May 24th
May 25th
It was a pretty good except for the rain. We always go to the river and BBQ for Memorial Day and mom was really missing not being able to do that this year. We would take flowers and throw them one by one into the river in rememberance of those we have lost, I told her we would do when the weather warmed up, she was happy. Mom did scare me to death this evening. She had gone into the bathroom while I was vacuuming, the dog pushed open the bathroom door just as I was doing the hall, there was mom, on the floor, bent over the tub! I dropped the vacuum, kicked the dog out of the way and rushed to her aide! Only to find that she wanted to help me clean so she thought she would wash out the tub with the loofa sponge and liquid Dove. She got mad at me for scaring her by running in there like that, I explained that I thought she had fallen and was just worried, she could help if she wanted but not with the tub. I gave her the dust rag and off she went.
I ran my mouth too much again this month, so here is May - Cont.
Three years ago today mom offically moved in with me, what a long three years it has been. I had so many hopes and reams of what we would do together, places we would go, none of which came true. Oh well, at least she is with me. May sure did come in like a lion around here. We have has beautiful weather, now it is storming, thundering, lightening and even hailing. The winds are pretty strong too. Mom and I love this kind of weather, we had a lot of electrical storms in California when I was growing up, this reminds us both of that. Mom is doing very weel today. She ate a big lunch and dinner and has been joking around all day.
What a terrible day I have had. Mom got up at noon, had lunch and proceeded to be in the worst mood she has been in a long time. She was so nasty and mean all day. I kept myself busy cleaning house and trying to get ready to paint kitchen cupboards. My grand-daughters came over in the afternoon so my son could golf, the little one let my dogs out right when the paper boy was delivering and the female Rottie, Koko nipped him on the arm. Thank God she didn't break the skin and draw blood but still, I feel terrible for the kid but now I worry if they will sue me or something. I can't get insurance until I get the roof replaced so God only knows what will happen if they do and what to do about Koko. I think she was just protecting my grand-daughter, because the boy was too close to her and tried to pet Koko with his hand raised but anyway she shouldn't have bitten or even thought about it. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I am glad today is over, mom is in bed, the dogs are sleeping and I'm off too.
It is 12:15 a.m. and I just got mom in bed. I had a bad case of "I need to get out of here for awhile" syndrome so we went for a drive and just got back. Mom was in a terrible mood again today and to make matters worse I had a migrain, by the time dinner was over I was ready to hit the road. We really didn't go far at all, I went about 30 miles south, turned around to come home and decided I wasn't ready so I kept going about 30 miles north, then turned around and came back to Longview. I swear if I had of had the money in my pocket I would have kept going south. It is that time of year for me and mom, wunderlust, spring fever what ever it is called I have it. Mom was so happy riding around, she got in such a good mood. When we pulled in the driveway she exclaimed, "Oh hell, home already!", she didn't want to be here either. She was a tanker truck driver when she was young, I think it is in my veins also, I love being on the road.
I think our little excursion really pooped mom out. She has stayed in bed all day, she has been awake off anf on but definately not in the mood to get up. I used the day to really clean house, decorate and do some craft items. The first time I have done any crafts in a year and half. I found things half started, maybe I will finish them one day soon.
Boy mom was sure being a brat today. She woke up at 9:30 a.m. and I gave her breakfast and asked her if she was getting up today, she said no she didn't feel like, just wanted to be lazy today! Tehn she started pounding on the wal just about every 15 minutes. I would goin to see what she want and she didn't want anything, pretended she hadn't knocked on the wall. This went on until mid- afternoon, when I decided I wasn't playing anymore. I just let her knock away, boy did she start getting loud. Finally after about two hours of listening to her bang away I went and told her it was time for her to get up, she wasn't sick, had nothing wrong with her and there was no excuse for staying in bed all day and banging on the wall waiting to get waited on. Boy, she got right up, dressed and walked out to her chair before I knew it. She was much more pleasant, ate her dinner, talked and watched t.v while I chatted. She even got herself to bed, all I did was tuck her, give her kisses and say goodnight. Guess I should act like my grandma more often.
Today was my d-i-l's 19th birthday. It was a pretty hectic day for all of us. I had to take the dogs to the vet at 8:30 to get Koko spayed and Wizzer neutered, got home just in time for the roofer to give me a bid, went grocery shopping, cleaned up the house, went back to get the dogs, got home just in time to start dinner as everyone was arriving. Mom enjoyed herself though, she liked being out and about and watching me run around " Like a chicken with it's head cut off." She keeps laughing at Wizzer because he has a plastic collar on says he looks like the old Victrola dog for RCA. We had a good time with the party, mom even held her own in conversing with others. I am even getting her to go to bed early tonight, I REALLY NEED IT.
Today has been a good day. Mom got up on her own accord at noon, fully dressed and ready for the day. She ate all of her lunch and dinner and even asked for more ice cream. SHE requested a bath, 1st time ever, so she got one. She enjoyed it so much. She has been in a really good mood all day. She is still laughing at Wizzer and his collar, poor thing, he is so uncomfortable. I wish every day could be like this one was. Forgot to mention it yesterday but I found out what was wrong with Koko, the vet said that she is lucky to still be alive because she had a fetus, that was suppose to be born last December, attached to her uterus. Her body thought it was still pregnant, then she comes back in heat and the unborn fetus in there, her body was toxic..No wonder her attitude changed. The vet feels she will be her old self in a few weeks. Thank God..I talked to the paper boys parents and told them what I had found out, they are O.K. with everything and are not going to sue me...
The rain came and saved me from having to do yard work, for once HURRAY for the rain. Mom stayed in bed most of the day, got up at 5:00 pm for dinner then didn't want to go back to bed. I finally got her to bed at 2:30 am. She was in a good mood so it made it easier for me although I was very tired. My legs and hips have been hurting something terrible for the past week and keep me awake anyway. I am taking mom out to lunch and a few games of pool Sunday, if she gets up. She has been saying she'd like to go so we will try. We might even have a beer!
I spent much of the evening trying to get mom to tell me what she would like to do tomorrow. I realized she had no idea I was her daughter and couldn't figure why I would be interested in what she was going to do. We did start just talking about this and that, she remembered that her mother was gone, finally remembered who I was and didn't care what we did tomorrow, except sleep in until noon..LOL. I will enjoy my Mothers Day with my mom, wherever she may be and whomever she thinks I am.
Mom and I had a wonderful Mother's Day. She cried when she read the card I had sent from my brother and cried when she open the necklace (It says MOM but the O is a real emerald in the shape of a heart) that I got for her from him and cried when she talked to him by phone and thanked him so much for both and cried when she got the flowers and the attached card from my other brother , that I also sent, who didn't even call. Oh well their guilt not mine. She hugged me and kissed me and we cried together when she read my card to her and laughed when she saw the tape I gave her, 'Sands of Iwo Jimo' starring John Wayne (I know, sounds crazy but she always watches her HERO) and her eyes lite up when she opened the box of Chocolates from her grandsons. We didn't play pool but we did go for Chinese dinner, all of us, my boys, daughters-in-law and grand-daughters and yes we did have a beer! Mom looked so nice, she was BATHED, had nice clothes on instead of her regulars, perfume, blush and she ate good. We are going to watch 'The Duke' right now. Thank God for yet another Mother's Day together.
Today was a hard day for me. Mom was great, she helped get herself dressed and even got her own coffee through out the day. I had to have a ditch put through my front yard to help divert the water problem I have and the guy went too deep in about a 12x2x2 foot, section so I had to back fill it, ALL day I was doing this. I am so sore and achey, I feel like I got run over, heck, even mom is walking faster than I am tonight. We had a good evening. After we ate dinner, Robert and Crystal came down and really got mom and me going or is it mom really got us all going. She really was messing with us. Being silly and doing silly things that made us laugh so hard, even she was belly rolling.
It rained all day today so I got to stay in the house, YIPPIE. I got mom up at noon, without any difficulty because Vi, Sister Ceclia and Father Lawrence were coming for mom's annointing today. Mom was excited and eager to get up, she didn't want the sister to get mad at her for still being in bed: she has not forgotten the realities of her Catholic School, the sisters and their rulers, I don't think even AD can erase those memories. The day went pretty well after they had come and gone. I did find myself getting irritated at mom though and had to put myself in check. She always askes if there is anything she can do to help me, usually I just say, "Nah, I got it mom", but today she just kept asking and asking and it really bugged me. I kept thinking to myself (thank God) yes, you could wipe your own butt, change your own depends, get your own toast, do your own laundry. The list in my mind kept growing until I heard mom saying, "I feel so bad seeing you hurting like you do and me just sitting here, isn't there something I could do?" This brought me to a sharp clarity, I looked at her and said, "Yeah mom, do you think you could rub some Deep Heat on my back for me?" The joy in her eyes and concern for me as she gently rubbed my back is beyond description.
Mom got up on her own today at noon. She was fully dressed and ready for court, she wondered when her daughter be around to get her. She didn't know why she had been summoned to court but figured she had hung one on last night and did something she didn't remember. Of course the cops were very nice and understanding and didn't put the cuffs on too tight and didn't throw her into the drunk tank. She was concerned most of the day because her daughter never showed up to take her to court and knew there was a bench warrant issued for her. After dinner I went to the store and when I came back she knew me and boy was she mad at me for getting a warrant issued. I explained that I had been in court all day on her behave and everything was fine, no warrant, no fine, nothing. She was ever so grateful to me for that. The rest of the night has passed without problems, mom is back to normal again.
Today has been very eventful. I got a call today from a lady wanting to place her 76 MIL who has AD, she is coming tomorrow to look at the room. I had to move all my stuff out of it, clean it and the rest of the house (deep cleaning), all going in and out of mom's room. She just stayed in bed laughing at me for making such a 'todo' about it. She is happy about maybe having another elderly lady around to talk with. I hope the DIL likes it here and does place her MIL, it would be nice to have someone else around for mom, although like she said, they are liable to drive me crazy because of both of them having AD, I just had to laugh.
I had two ladies come today, one a d-i-l, the other the daughter. The d-i-l didn't like the fact that I have dogs, oh well, but she did want me to take her m-i-l for a week per month. I told her no, because that gets too confusing for the person and it isn't fair. The daughter is going to have her brothers come look at the place then decide. She liked it and mom, she gave me and mom big hugs when she left. Mom was excited by all the commotion today, she got up, dressed and came out to her chair and stayed there. Mom is looking forward to her birthday party Sunday but doesn't want me to go all out for it. I never believed my mom would make 83, not because of Alzheimer's but because of her drinking so much before.
It is 7:00 am and I have not been to sleep yet. I got mom to bed at 1:30, went to go to sleep and got so sick. I feel terrible. I hope it was something I ate and not a bug, if it is and mom gets it, boy, she is going to be in trouble.
We had a truely wonderful night and day. Mom was so happy all day and looked so pretty. We turned the t.v. down pretty low and just talked most of the night. I will have exerpts of our converstaion posted tomorrow, I am too tired tonight. David and Melody gave her a beautiful silver cross necklace and Robert and Crystal gave her a large Miraculous Virgin Mother candle, I gave her more night shirts(of course). I just got her to bed, midnight, and she said tonight is one night that she will remember her dreams. I waited all day and night for my brother in California to call her, he didn't, what's knew, he didn't call for Mother's Day either. Makes 6 years in a row that he hasn't bothered. Maybe I'll send him a newspaper clipping of her services when that day happens, then again maybe not.
Mom was exhausted after yesterday so she stayed in bed all day. She was awake most of the time but just wanted to lounge around. She was still talking about yesterday and the good time she had. I was so glad to hear to her talking about it still, made me feel good that she had such a good time as to remember it. I spent some time outside donig yard work but mostly just enjoying the sun.
Robert started his new job today so they aren't moving. HURRAY. Mom has been doing pretty good today although she has been confused alot. She is feeling really good and wants to be on the go. She says she is bored and wants something to do. We are going to the craft store tomorrow and pick up some things, maybe she can do some or at least help me. I made the mistake of mentioning going to California this summer and she is ready to pack a suitcase. She says it would be like old times again. How I wish that were true.
Mom's doctor got back to me today, she can't be seen until June 12th since I am requesting new test be done. My gosh, you would of thought I slapped the doctor upside the head or something. She doesn't why after all this time I want new tests. Excuse me but she doesn't need to understand why just needs to do it. She has never seen mom so what difference does it make to her. Mom is none to excited about having a femalt doctor either, remembering that she comes from a time when there were few female doctors I can understand her concern although it wouldn't bother me. Why is it that some doctors seem to forget that they are employed by their patients? I once sent a bill to my doctor for 1.5 hours of waiting time in his office. I got there 15 minutes early, waited for 1 hour 45 minutes, didn't get called in but was told the doctor was late getting back from lunch and was running behind schedule. He paid the bill Ihad sent, apologized and I never waited more than 20 minutes after that, of course that was 20 years ago.
Today has been a good day. Mom got up, got dressed and spent time reading and doing puzzels with my grand-daughters. She has been in a great mood, klaughing and carrying on all day and night. It is 11:00 pm right now and we should be going to bed but, we have just watched 3 hours of the movie "Gettysburg" and part two, 2 and a half hours is coming on, back to back, so we are going to stay up and watch it. It is a really good movie, mom is engrossed in it, remembering having learned about it in school.
Mom and I had a pretty good day. She got up at 1:00, had lunch and helped me around the house as much as she could. She has been complaining of her hands tingling down into her fingers and they are cold. She enjoyed helping with the dishes because of the hot water. We talked a bit about the movies and she wanted me to rent "White Christmas" to watch this weekend, even though it isn't Christmas it is Memorial Day weekend and that would be nice to watch. I bought it several years ago, so we will watch it Sunday. She asked me if it was too late to send Grandma and Grandpa some flowers, I told her they had already been sent and it made her happy.
I think I was actually bored today. There was nothing to do. Mom was in bed until 4:00pm, she had a headache and didn't want to get up. It was raining so I couldn't work outside, got my house work done and then just sat around. I did come to the realization that my life has become totally entwined with my mother. It is dependant on her moods, her needs, her level of confusion, agitation and her wants. It has become hard for me to determine my own daily existence without knowing those things. Some of my more avid readers will have noticed how often I talk about getting a job outside the home. I realize that I will never get one as long as my mom is with me, which will be until death. I use this as a form of vocalization of the need I have to regain some form of identity seperate from my mom. I recall mom having told me that I was 'The Caregiver' looking back on my life I see that I have always been such but I was also the daughter, sister, mom, foster mom, worker, jokester, now I am solely the caregiver. I miss wearing my other hats.
Today was a day for me to think of all the friends and family I have lost. Mom didn't get out of bed until after 7:00 p.m. so I had nothing to do. I am got up on all my household stuff so. I remember each one of them in so many ways, I still miss them all. I also hold in my thoughts all of you who have shared with me the termoils going in your lives, those that have laughed with me, cried with me and wondered with me. All of you and your loved ones, those that have passed and those that remain are in my prayers.
HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY
I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe day.
I'd like to know that you have been here, PLEASE
E-MAIL ME and Sign
My Guestbook and feel free to come again
Member of the Internet Link Exchange
Free Home Pages at GeoCities