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July 1st
July 2nd
July 3rd
July 4th
July 5th
July 6th
July 7th
July 8th
July 10th
July 13th
July 14th
July 15th
July 16th
July 17th
July 18th
July 19th
July 20th
July 21st I have finally gotten control of myself, no more crying! Mom and I have been watching t.v. and doing crossword puzzles all night. She is just getting ready for bed. She got up at noon today, happy and ready to start the day. Last night was her first night without HALDOL.
July 23rd
July 23rd
July 24th
July 25th I wound up taking mom to the Urgent care Clinic at her doctors office, thank God we saw a different one. He said mom's trouble is in her back, probably a nerve being compressed, he ordered x-rays of her back and hip for Monday and put her on a different pain medication. She can no longer walk at all, totally non-ambulatory due to the pain. I just got her to bed, I hope she sleeps through the night.
July 26th
July 27th
July 28th
Mom is feeling a little better. She isn't throwing up anymore thank goodness. She ate a light dinner and is drinking lots of juice. She goes back to the doctor Tuesday for another check up.
July 29th
July 30th July 31st
I was able to get mom up at noon. We went and got my grand-daughters and spent the day away from home. I have found in the past few days that I am at a critically low stress level. About everything mom does or doesn't do is driving me nuts. I am not at the point of taking it out on her, she doesn't know anything is wrong with me and I hope to keep it this way. I am making every effort to get her up and away from home at least every other day. I don't care what we do as long as we aren't here. She is going stir crazy too so it will benefit us both. I think spending 1,155 days continually with mom at home is what has gotten me and spending another 4th watching fireworks on TV because she doesn't want to go and can't because of the weather. I have found a job through the Internet and am hoping to earn enough to be able to hire a sitter on occasion so I can get away. I'm really trying very hard not to pity myself but I do look around at all the other people who have lives and wish I were one of them.
Mom finally got up at 7:20 this evening. Wondering why she had to leave and how she was going to get her things moved. She was crying because this place had become like home to her and she didn't want to leave. I tried to get her to eat but she was too upset. I decided to take her for a drive to cheer her up and it worked. We first stopped at 31 Flavors for a cone, then went to McDonalds for dinner, backwards I know. We drove around the lake/park where the 4th activities are being held and she mentioned that she hopes it isn't raining for the fireworks, she would like to see them. She has her CTScan tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. so we are going to wander the lake and have lunch there when she is done. I sure hope she sleeps well, it will be an early morning for her.
It is 9:05 a.m. and mom will not get up and she has to be at her appt. by 10:00. She/we had a terrible night. She was up and down all night, roaming, being agitated and confused. I have been awake all night, afraid to sleep. I have been trying to get mom up since 7:30 so she could shower or not, eat something and get dressed. I had her up but she was sleeping standing up, so I put her back down. I think we are beginning to go through the effects of her Haldol decreasing. Granted, it has only been 4 doses that have been reduced so far but. I have rescheduled her appt. for the 13th at noon, hopefully that will be late enough.
I hope everyone had a Safe and Sane Fourth. Our day started out pretty exciting. First of all I had ALL five dogs in the house all night because of the firecrackers going off all night, I put them out at 5:30 this morning only to find at 7:00 that they had gotten loose and torn down my screen door trying to get in. I went out to deal with them, came back in and here's mom, dressed and ready to go to the doctor (which was yesterday). I explained things to mom fixed her breakfast and proceeded to get food ready for the BBQ. I went to sit down a minute and finish my coffee when I noticed ALOT of smoke in the living-room and burning electrical, not be able to find the source of it I called the Fire department and got mom out in the car and moved it just in case. They came and found an electric cord had fallen into the baseboard heater and melted. I told mom it was just our annual fire drill and she bought it..GOOD. We had the family up for BBQ this afternoon, went for a short drive and watched the works on t.v. I just got mom to bed, put the dogs back in the yard, they escaped again! Now I am going to bed, I hope. Tomorrow will be spent fixing that darn fence so nothing can get out..
Today was actually a good day. I was up most of the night because of mom, the dogs and firecrackers but felt good today. I finally got mom to sleep around 6:00 this morning and knew she would sleep most of the day so I spent the day doing the fence as planned. I think it is going to work. Mom got up at 9:30 tonight so I am sure to be up pretty late again, oh well. I isn't her fault, the darn kids/adults around the neighborhood are still doing fireworks and it does wake her up. I have to keep her awake all night on Tuesday also, she has her EEG Wednesday morning and the doctor wants her to sleep through it. Shouldn't be too hard to do considering her sleep pattern..SMILE
Mom didn't get out of bed until 9:30 tonight. She gets so stubborn when I try to get her up. Sometimes it feels like it just isn't worth trying. I guess I will be up all night again. Oh well, gives me time to work on my job stuff. At least she is in a good mood.
Mom has been up all day, since 7:30 this morning. I was really hoping she would sleep in today since I have to keep her awake any way, it would have been much easier. I am going to give her a bath (she actually asked for one) then let her sleep until about 3:00 or 4:00 then get her up, her appt. is a 11:00 so I think she will still be sleepy enough to sleep through it. I know I will be. I now have my rear neighbor to watch over, she is 86 with Congestive Heart Failure. She went to the doctor today and was told that she has developed water on her heart and in her lungs. Her family isn't able to keep an eye on her so they have asked me to. She is so sweet and easy going.
I got mom up at 3:30, totally confused as to why she had to get up in the middle of the night. She got better as the day went on. I was able to get her into the doctor at 10:15 rather than 11:00 which helped. The technician that did the EEG was absolutely great. He made mom so at ease, she was flirting with him and he played right along with her. They have a dancing date!! and believe me she is still talking about him. He gave me a partial copy of the reading from her EEG, I will be posting it tomorrow, I am too tired to deal with it today, I still haven't been to sleep. I won't get the results until sometime next week so, but they will be posted as well. I am going to try to get a copy of the CTScan to post too, but will have to wait and see if I can. Mom was real good during the test, she looked really cute with the cap on and all those electrodes coming out. I wish I had thought of taking the camera with me. She has been pretty good since we got home too, although she hasn't slept yet either. I was hoping she would take a nap but no such luck, she will sleep good tonight however, so will I.
Well, it has happened again. My monitor is down!! I have no idea when I will be able to get another on so i don't know how long I will be off-line. I am at my friend Joyce's house right now, thank God she is online. I will ask that you not send any E-MAILS until I come back online, last time I had over 340 and it was just too hard to catch up with all. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I can find a good, cheap used monitor soon, PLEASE..Mom is doing fine, she goes for her CTScan Monday. Everything else is doing O.K. also.
Well, like a bad penny I am back. I took mom in for her CTScan today, she did very well and listened to instructions and followed them. We went to lunch at McD's again and then on to the store to get my monitor, thank God for accounts. I even got a 15 inch one. What a difference. Mom is even happy that I got it, she was worried about her friends on 'the wire'. SMILE. I have spent the weekend in the yard as usual, mom helped some, she held the radio for me. It seems so good to back online again, now for the task of tackling the mail!!! LOADS of it too.
Mom spent the day in bed, she was pooped after yesterday's excursion, she did eat her meals however. She sure kept me running back and forth all day. What time is it? Where are my clothes? When is my daughter coming? Can I have some coffee? Another banana? Just silly stuff. I had my two grand-daughters today also, WOW, there little ones to care for and all girls. I really am glad I have boys, no little squeaky voices. SMILE. I spent most of the morning trying to catch up on email and house work. The rest of the day was, well you know..I got mom's EEG posted.
Mom got up at 3:00 p.m. in order to watch Days of Our Lives, I didn't tell her it was even on. She has been pretty good today, kind of spacey but in a good mood. Her leg and stomach still hurt. It bothers me that the doctor(GP) is treating it with Prilosec and hydrocodone without even having examined her to see what the problem is. I am going to make an appointment with another doctor for her to be seen and EXAMINED this time. She goes back to the neurologist Monday to get the results of her tests. She is anxious for us to take a trip somewhere now that it is getting hot again. Can't make Cally this summer, no funds, but maybe the beach for a few days.
Mom stayed in bed again all day today. I kept asking if she was getting up and she would say when I get this kink out of my back I will, guess it never left. She ate her meals and didn't sleep the entire day but just kind of laid there. It hurts so to see her isolating herself so much.
Mom got up at noon today. She was happy that it was hot today, after all the rain we have had. She stayed in a good mood all day, didn't go to bed until 12:30 a.m. We watched t.v. most of the day and evening, mom even read the newspaper, she hasn't done that in a long time. I told her we were going away tomorrow for a few hours because I was letting off bombs and she knew what I was talking about. She wants to go down by the river for awhile, I think I'll take my camera this time.
We didn't go to the river today but we did get away from home for awhile. I couldn't bomb because I didn't have any left. SMILE. We went for a short drive, had dinner at mom's favorite, McDonalds, went to Robert and Crystals new place, bought my grand-daughter her b'day present at Walmart, went to David and Melody's, then home. We had surprise company tonight also, my/our one and only true friend Betty stopped by and stayed until 11:30. Mom was so happy to see her and have a new face to talk with. It was really a pleasant evening. Mom went to bed at midnight. It was a really nice day for a change.
Today was a wonderful day. We had my son David's 28th b'day and my grand-daughter Kali's 4th b'day party at her other grandparents house, it was a lot of fun. Mom loved it. The kids went swimming and jumped in the moon walk, I even jumped around in it for awhile, it felt great. There were alot of adults there so I didn't have to be with mom every minute, FREEDOM. Mom was having fun watching the kids swim and run around, she ate pretty good too - a bbq'd hot dog, potato salad, fruit salad, macaroni salad, cake and chips. It was hot for her so she didn't stay outside too much but she did get a little color. We were gone all afternoon. When we got back here mom said it was good to get out for awhile but she was glad to be back home. We have been watching t.v. tonight and talking about all the going on's of today. It seems so nice to see some excitement in mom's face.
Mom had her neurologist doctor appointment today to get the results of her tests. The EEG was normal with slight slowing in the temporal regions consistent with normal aging, the CTScan was normal, no changes from '95 scan. His recommendations: Discontinue Haldol in total, it will take approx. 6 months for her body to flush it out completely and increase her B12 shots to monthly, her B12 level was 112, extremely low, which HE believes to be the cause of her memory failure, NOT ALZHEIMER'S. Mom has been in a great mood all day. She was happy to hear that she doesn't have AD. I pointed out to myself that this does not mean she does not have it but that she may not have it. I am going to begin the treatments with her that I started in May '95 which her doctor had me discontinue because it didn't help AD people. I have started to write the pages for that period of time, pre-Internet time. I think you all will find it very interesting. I hope to have them completed by next weekend.
It is 7:45 p.m. and I just left Candid Chat. I came here to let go of the feelings I am having. I am feeling so lost, confused and angry. I have been my AD mother's caregiver for over 3 years now, yesterday I find that it may have all been preventable. All the years of accepting her diagnosis, dealing with constant declines in her behavior, memory and physical abilities, then seeing her come back from those declines, memory losses and regain her physical abilities. The roller coaster of emotions. The drain that it has put on me and my mother. The sacrifices that we have both endured and they could have been preventable. To find that AD didn't take my mom away from me but 'they' did. The doctors that didn't give a damn, that didn't care enough to check her records or do testing on her. To ignore test results that plainly told of her B12 deficiency (Shillings test 1991). My mom hasn’t had a life since her diagnosis, neither have I. We have missed so much when all it would have taken was B12. I know I have my hopes up and this scares me to no end. What if the supplements don’t work? What if her memory never comes back? It won’t matter because I have been there for all this time and will continue to do for her. But what if it does help? What if her memory does come back? What if she doesn’t need help? What then? I will be wonderful for both of us and at the same scary for me. My world has evolved around mom for so long that it will be a drastic change for me. I have missed my mom for so long and I am so mad at the doctors for taking her away from me. It feels like I imagine an amnesiac would feel once their memory comes back, so much lost time to make up for and for no reason.
I am updating early tonight in order to watch a movie with mom then go to bed. Mom has been fine all day. She got up and dressed at noon. We went out front to have lunch under the shade of a large Maple tree. She loved the smell of the roses close by and the hosta's that are in bloom. We stayed outside until 2:45 when we came in to watch Days. We both napped through Oprah today, the fresh air got us along with the heat. We have just had dinner and are getting ready to watch a movie "The Game". Mom got her B12 injection today, 1.5cc's and it is her second day without Haldol, there is no noticeable difference in her attitude.
Mom has stayed in bed all day today. She has a very bad headache and dizziness, I expected this before long since her body is beginning to go through withdrawals from the Haldol. She is pretty with it though. I told her we would have to take the dog to the vet Monday and she asked if it were the same one, way out there, where we went to get them from. She remembered picking them up in March. I hope her body goes through this with little discomfort and distress. I am looking forward to the New Year, it marks 6 months, maybe it will be a good one.
Happy 28th Birthday David
I have my grand-daughter Kali spending the night tonight. Her folks are in Seattle for the Hoop It Up Contest for the weekend. Mom stayed in bed again today but she was awake watching t.v. I started her on more supplements today also, B complex, Lecithin and Multi-vitamins. She seems a bit more alert and her leg isn't hurting her anymore. I found out by doing more research about B12 that Histamine2-Receptor Antagonists such as cimetidine, ranitidine, nizatidine, famotidine may have the potential to cause vitamin B12 deficiency by decreasing gastric acid cleavage of vitamin B12 from food sources. This may be important in patients with low stores of vitamin B12 or in those on H2-Antagonists for extended periods of time (>2 years). Mom was on cimetidine for nearly 5 years, which was just replaced with Prilosec another antagonist. Wonder why her B12 was so low? Hummm
Boy I sure hope this new doctor is right. Talk about a complete attitude reversal. Mom has been nothing but mean and nasty all day. I got her up at 10:00 so I could take Kali to the fair and drop her off with her other grandma, mom totally blew it. I was able to get her dressed and we left, she had an O.K. time while we were gone but as soon as we got back in the car she started in on me. Yelling, cussing, demanding to be let out, thank God for seat belts, complaining that her leg hurt. I asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital and have it checked, No! they would check it when she got back. I gave her lunch which she gave to the dogs when I went to the potty, then yelled because she was hungry. Her head hurts, stomach hurts, leg still hurts and she is miserable. I asked her to go take a nap and she doesn't want to but "I don't have to worry about her being in the way much longer because she is leaving." She is beginning to act like she did in early '95. Maybe it is just the medication getting out of her system, I really hope it goes fast! Please. If her leg gets worse she is going to the doctor!
Mom did pretty well today. She stayed in bed and slept mostly, except for this evening she was awake. She still hurts alot but the pills are helping. I rubbed some Thera Gesic on her back and leg tonight, she said it felt good. I had some excitement today. I was here in a nice cool home, air conditioner on because it was 103 today, thought I would use the time to finish scraping wallpaper, well I should have just watched t.v. I cut my fingers with the putty knife and had to get 7 stitches. Joyce came down and watched mom for me and Hollie drove me to the hospital. Wonderful day. Mom has been so sweet though. She dried my hand for me after I washed the Thera Gesic off it, them kissed it ever so gently. Mom's kiss can always make things better.
Mom goes in for her x-rays tomorrow. I feel so bad for her, she hurts so much and can barely move. It is hard for both of us right now, me with my stupid finger and her not being able to move alone. I hope they can do something for her. She has been in bed since coming home Saturday, awake most of the time. She is still eating good though. She feel bad for me and I feel bad for her. Hmm.
Boy what a day. I got mom up, sponged bathed, dressed and in the car for her x-rays. I go into the house for my purse, come out and she has vomited all over, no time to change her. We go for the x-rays, I tell them what has happened, no big deal for them, they gave me two gowns for her to wear home. I get her home and she throws up all over me, her bed, the floor, the dogs. I get her washed up again, bed changed and put her in it. Next for the dogs, the floor then me. YUCK. I have been in so much pain that it made me throw up so I know how bad mom must be feeling.
Mom is feeling some better today. Not vomiting but not too chipper either. Seems she can do a bit more for herself than she lets on around me. I have to do a total transfer of her because she can't move her leg, however, when she thought I was outside she got herself up to the pot without pain or trouble. Hmmm. Soon as I let her know I was watching her she became immobile again. Haven't heard back about the x-rays yet so I am assuming they didn't show anything.
Mom is better today, she got up this afternoon and came out to the living room for several hours. Her leg still hurts very much and she still can't walk. I realize just what difference there is between 123 lb. and 151 lb., before it was easy for me to transfer her all the time now it is killing me. WOW. I haven't gotten the results back on the x-rays yet, I will call them tomorrow.
Mom started throwing up again during the night, doctor says it is a virus, gave me compazine suppositories for her. Her leg still really hurts. We didn't get the x-rays results, she has to go back in Monday and have them redone, the first one's didn't turn out good. She isn't keeping anything down and has no appetite at all.
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