July 2nd
It has been raining and cold today so mom and I stayed home. I gave mom a hot shower and had a hard time getting her to get out the tub, she wanted to stay in until the water got cold because it felt so good. SMILE. We watched the ball game, Dodgers vs. SF on t.v. and she rooted for her team, L.A. We are going to the Mariners vs. Dodgers game next Sunday, mom is really looking forward to it, she keeps singing "Take me Out to the Ballgame". If any of my Seattle friends are going to be around e-mail me so we can get together. We are going up Saturday, staying in a hotel and coming back Sunday after the game. It would be nice to see ya.

July 3rd
Today was rainy too so we didn't do anything. I spent some of the day working on the house, between drops. Mom is excited about seeing the fireworks and having the family up for BBQ, she is worried about the dogs though, they get really scared.

July 4th
Today was great. It didn't rain and wasn't too hot. We BBQ'd ALOT of grub and everyone came up to eat. The boys and thier family went to the lake to watch the works but we watched them on T.V. which was just as good. After the lake ones were done they came back up here to do ours. I bundled mom up, put her in her wheel chair, just inside the garage. She loved the different colors and effects of the fireworks, especially the loud ones. Mom always did like the cherry bombs the best. LOL

July 5th
Another day. We all survived yesterday and last night, even the dogs. Mom didn't get to bed until well after midnight so I let her sleep in some. I spent that time finishing up the house, it gets pressure washed today. We have lots of left overs so dinner will be easy tonight.

July 6th
The painting is coming right along. The painter finished scraping, sanding, primeing and caulking today. Mom had fun watching him do his work and wonders what the house will look like, she is afraid she won't remember it any more since it won't be 'baby poop' yellow any more. I soent the day cleaning house and doing laundry. Mom helped me alot, she folded clothes and hung hers up in her closet, put away her stuff in the drawers and dusted her bedroom! She really likes to be of assistance instead of just sitting on her butt all day so when there is something I think she could do safely I let her. Tomorrow the paint goes on.

July 7th
We are getting ready for tomorrow, packing up some clothes, the wheel chair etc. Mom is very excited about getting away from here for awhile. I hope she has a good time this weekend.

July 10th
WOW, we had a great time. We left for Seattle about 12:30 p.m. Saturday, arriving at 2:45 at the hotel. We checked in, got our room, unloaded our stuff and headed out again. We went all over Seattle Center by the water fountain and carnival, down to the International area, the Waterfront and had dinner at the Original Ivars Restaurant. Mom loved Elliot Bay and watching the birds begging for food. She saw a street vendor selling necklaces and one caught her eye so I got it for her, she hasn't taken it off. After dinner we went back to the room, mom spent two hours sitting in front of the window looking at all the people and lights etc., we were on the 3rd floor. I got mom to bed about 11:00 p.m. and she went right to sleep, we shared the bed so she was happy and felt safe. We got up at 9:00 a.m. Sunday since check-out was 11:00 and we wanted to eat breakfast before going to the game, which we did at none other than McDonalds, SMILE, mom's favorite after all. We then went to Safeco Field, parked, got the tickets and went in. We had really good seats, on the 41st row right behind home plate and wheel chair accessable. I had bought mom a Mariners cap before leaving home, since she bacame a fan of theirs too but she also wore her Dodgers jacket so she felt comfortable rooting for both teams although she was upset at the "damn Dodgers, which aren't the Dodgers anymore any way since O'Mally doesn't own them any more and Lasorda isn't there now!" Imagine my surprise when I heard this, I didn't even know she knew about all this let along remembered it. Anyway, we had a great time, ate hot dogs and peanuts. On the way home I decided to take us to Rochester to the Lucky Eagle Casino, it is just a hop from the freeway so. Mom liked it but didn't like the fact that her winnings did not drop out the bottom like in Reno! She had fun but would rather be in Nevada where she could make some real money, HUH. She was so cute. Once we got home, 9:15 p.m., we brought in the clothes, had a snack, talked about the day and went to bed. Mom was so happy to be in her own bed even though I couldn't sleep her.

July 14th
This week has been filled with work for me. Mom has been sleeping in until noon so I use this time to do yard work and finish the house exterior, then get mom up. The painting is coming along pretty well, it will look nice when they are finished. I have been so tired at the end of the day that mom tells me to go to bed, SMILE. She haas been doing alot of walking around in the house unattended but with me near by, she is doing just fine too. She still helps me with the dishes and even helped me dust everything the other day. She seems to back to her old self (pre-NH). She read the paper the other day and asked if the new vaccine was for her too, I told her no because of the fact that she was even able to ask about that she most likely truely didn't have AD, like the doctor said.

July 18th
Well, I had to let the painter go. He has done a terrible job so far on the house, not scraping or sanding or priming where needed and he said he was done with the body of the house after spraying on just 10 gallons of paint. You can still the old color in many spots, the spray lines and since he didn't scrape some spots are flaking already and to top it off he didn't show up Friday or Monday to work so, my boys and I will finish it. I forgot to mention that I had taken mom to see her orthopedist on Wednesday, she had been complaining about her left leg hurting from the hip to knee, he did x-rays and found that her need has arthritis pretty bad so he gave her a cortisone shot and it really helped, she hasn't mentioned her leg since. We are going to be going down to Myrtle Creek, Oregon the weekend of the 28th for a pow wow camp out. Mom is looking forward to it, she loves them and since she did so well going to Seattle I think this will be o.k., it is a 5 hour drive though so we'll see. Oh Yeah, check out the pictures from Seattle, they aren't real good but they show mom having fun.

July 22nd
Yesterday was my grand-daughter Kali's 6th birthday, we went up to her other grandma's for cake since my house is still a mess. I have spent every free minute on the exterior, except today since it rained last night, it is coming along pretty well too, I think I'll be done with it in a few more days. I have my CTScans today and got relly sick from the injection this time, I'm fine now though. Mom is doing great, looking forward to this weekend. We are still going down to the Pow-wow at Umpqua Falls in southern Oregon.

July 26th
Well, we are about finished with the house. Robert just has a little more trim to do then I get to the clean-up around the house, yard etc. It looks so nice, I will be posting before and after pictures soon, just to show how good it turned out. I also got a concrete slab poured to put my new picnic table on and a BBQ to have family dinners with, I am sure hoping to be able to use them a lot and have enormous fun. David had his 30th birthday this past Monday the 24th, he and his wife celebrated it in Las Vegas. They went down there for the weekend and had a wonderful time, even came home with winnings in their pockets. Mom is doing pretty good, she is enjoying her little kitty immensely, Cierra is her name. They play together, mom sings to her, scolds her and feeds her scraps instead of the dogs, (my female Rottie, Koko, put her butt through yet another wall in my living room). Crystal is getting her baby belly now, the doctor says mom and baby are fine. They are doing Lamaze now also and Robert really enjoys it, next week I get to go with them to see what they are doing, I’m really anxious.

July 27th
I guess God has other plans for me. I was so looking forward to having some fun this summer, going to the pow-wow, BBQ’s, making my yard look as nice as my house, just enjoying life for a change but that’s not going to happen for awhile yet. I got a call at 6:00 p.m. from my oncologist. She had the results from my latest CTScans and they found a 3.5 x 5.5 x 7 c.m. tumor on my adrenal gland. This is just since March 15th, just 4 months, when the scans were all clear. I had an appointment to see her August 16th but she changed it to tomorrow at 2:30 p.m., she says she doesn’t want to wait that long. I am to have a biopsy done to determine what form of cancer this is, is it small cell that went down or is a new one ???? Other than that I really don’t know a thing, not until after the appointment.

July 28th
Well, I went to see the doctor today at 2:30, it really doesn’t sound good. She said that it is definitely cancer but won’t know if it is a metastases from the small cell lung cancer that I had or a different form but feels it is a metastases. I have the biopsy on August 7th, sooner if they can get me in, this will tell for sure what it is, she is also scheduling me for another bone marrow test and brain scan. If it is small cell the doctor will start me on chemo right away, she said IF the works I will begin all over again with the count down for remission, aiming at one year. IF it doesn’t work I have 6 months or less. She is also trying to see if I am or could be a candidate for a complete bone marrow transplant. She did say there is NO cure for this, small cell always comes back sooner or later but perhaps a transplant would prevent that but there are additional risks involved with that too. I told her I would rather die fighting than just let the cancer kill me so she needed to be very aggressive about this. My mom is going to be O.K. no matter what. I am not sending her away this time if I can help it. I have people lined up to care for her should it be needed and I should be able to afford it for the duration of chemo. I am not going to put this on Robert and Crystal again, they have been through so much with me and now with a new baby coming they don’t need it and don’t deserve it. I will ask for your continued prayers though, it got me through last time and will this time too.

It is 4:00 in the morning and I am having one hell of a pity party. I feel so bad, I can’t sleep. I can’t understand this. Why now, why did this crap come back. I feel like an old beaten dog right now, tossed a bone and kicked for taking it. Why didn’t I just die last year when I was so sick, why did I get to have 14 months just to have this thrown in my face again? I am so angry I can’t bear it. I can’t get myself focused yet to beat this. All I can do is cry and if I’m not crying I’m close to it. I have my baby grand-daughter coming in October that I may never get to know. Here are so many questions going on inside of me with no answers. Last time I didn’t ask why me, I knew it was from my smoking and I dealt with it but this time? I really don’t deserve this, I am a good person. I don’t know what will happen to my family if I’m gone, I have always been ‘Grandma Walton’ even when my mom was O.K. it was me that everyone leaned on. My boys and my dogs are all I have, the only love I have ever gotten is from them, Oh God help me find the strength for this battle, PLEASE.

July 29th
I must admit I feel a lot better today, although I didn't get any sleep last night and I am dog tired. Robert, Crystal and I went garage sales for baby things today while Betty was here taking care of mom. We found some nice things for the baby and I found some stuff for the girls also. They also came up to break in my new BBQ with some hot dogs and burgers. Mom got her bath today so she was in a great mood, funny, before she went to the NH I had to about drag her into the shower now she loves it, go figure. I think maybe I just had to release my emotions last night in order to get focused, at any rate a good cry never hurts anyone. I also forgot to mention that we went to the lake Friday night for the Relay for Life Ceremonies and Lumianary Lighting. I donated for two luminaries, one for myself and one for my friend Kathy that passed away several years ago from cancer, someone had also donated two others in my name. Mom really enjoyed the singing and prayer service that a local pastor gave. She was in her wheek chair and I was seated on the ground next her, she was holding my hand throughout the service and lifting her other to the Lord. It was truely amazing to see her understanding everything and praying about it. Earlier today I went back and did the 'walk' for an hour, I got my cancer survivor medal too.

July 30th
Robert and Crystal came up again today for leftovers. We just kind of hung out and laughed at mom and the kitten, the kitten finally won the battle between the blanket and mom. Crystals tummy is getting bigger and the heat is starting to get to her but she is fine and healthy. We made plans for a BIG family/friends BBQ on the 12th of August, kind of a celebration that the house is done and a rally of support for me, it's going to be so much fun.

July 31st
My oldest boy David is back from the pow-wow and I talked to him and told him what the doctor said. He is just a big tough guy but he cried so. He will be there for me again and wants to get tested for the BMT even though we don't know if I'll have one yet. He is going to tell my grand-daughters for me, I couldn't handle it this time. Mom is doing pretty good today, she has been in such a good mood lately, laughing and caring on so. She says it does her heart good to make me laugh. One bit of terrible news though, mom's kitty didn't win the battle between her and Koko my female Rottie. Mom doesn't know yet but hasn't mentioned the kitty so I haven't said anything, it is going to upset her so much, she loved that little kitty,

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