I stared at the fresh page that stared up at me and I tried to figure out what to write. I thought back to the scene at the airport as Avery and I said goodbye.
We had spent the entire morning drifting on my boat as she went through my packing checklist, she knew how bad I was and she wanted to make sure that I was prepared for the Bahamas. We didn't talk on the way to the airport both content to listen to Steve Perry sing about friends and lovers and everything in between. We had established a ground rule from day one of our friendship, whoever's car it was got to decide what music was played. It was a compromise since we both had incredibly different taste in music. Avery was partial to James Taylor, Elton John, Van Morrison and Simon and Grafunkel while I practically worshipped the ground that Metallica and Meat Loaf walked on.
I hugged her tight at the airport and told her to call me anytime and that I would miss her more then I could even convey. She had bit her lip, a tell tale sign that my best friend was about to break down and cry, something I had not seen before and pressed a package into my hands.
"It's a journal, I have one as well, while we are apart I figured we could write about our feelings, our day to day activities and then when we fill it or you come back we can catch up by reading each other's journal."
I remember smiling my dorky grin, the grin I seemed to mold my lips into when I didn't know how to react and thanked her. As Nina told me to get moving I didn't look back for fear I would grab my best friend and never let her go. Something had me worried and I hated to leave her when I knew something was going on. Nonetheless I picked up my napsack and boarded the plane. "Bye Raging Bull" I whispered as the plane started it's take off preparations.
My thoughts came back into the present as I heard Brown Eyed Girl come on the radio station that AJ had set the house stereo to. I smiled and immediatly thought of Avery. I hummed along and started to write.
~~**~~
"You are such an inconsiderate asshole. Jesus sometimes I wonder how the hell I ever fell for you" Avery was on the phone with her husband, trying to convince him to sign the papers that would free her of him and his attitude. "Why won't you sign the papers, dammit we won't ever be together so what is the sense of staying married? I don't care if you think in your twisted mind that you still love me, I don't love you, if you loved me so much you wouldn't have been bopping everything with tits, you wouldn't have cleaned out our bank account and you wouldn't have taken Furface to the pound and let him be adopted instead of giving him to me" Avery smiled as Nick's dogs played around her feet. She had offered to let them stay at her house instead of putting them in a kennel. "My other line is going, you have one week to sign the papers or I am going to play hardball" Avery clicked the receiver "Hello"
"Hey Raging Bull"
"Nick...I wasn't expecting to hear from you, I thought you and the fellas had agreed to concentrate strictly on the music and shut yourself off from everything else, and dont tell me that you are on a break" Avery reached for the handwritten agenda that I had made for her "It says right here that you aren't due for a break for another 45 minutes." Avery teased.
"Geez I lie through my teeth to get out of the studio to talk to my best friend and she goes commando on me...geesh that's gratitued."
"Aww stop the whining and pouting, it may turn your fans into blobs of wimpering pre-pubescent goo but not me little man, it just annoys me."
"You are just full of happiness and joy today aren't you? Avery is everything alright?" I asked.
"I am fine, hey I need to confess something to you"
"What is it?"
"I think your truck likes Paul Simon more then that heavy metal shit you subject it to."
"YOU DIDN'T...Aves that is not fair" I whined "It will take my baby forever to get out of the comotose state you put it in. A truck like that needs engine revving music. Man why did I have to pick a best friend who listens to elevator music?"
"Speaking of that, I heard The One on the elevator" she teased "Talk about boring, I fell asleep. By the way your truck is fine, i got the brakes fixed with no problems. It is parked in the garage."
"Thanks Aves. How are my babies?"
"They are great, I never realised how much I missed having my own dog until they came to stay with me. They fill up my empty bed and welcome me home after a hard day. Beats being lonely even if they look at me weird when I sat on the floor to eat with them."
"Aves I have to go...I will call you back" I replied as I saw Brian tapping his foot and motioning that the break was over." I miss you Raging Bull"
"Bye Nick of Time"
I hung up the phone and knew that I had to do something to make my best friend smile. I walked back to the studio and as we fiddled with a bridge to the new song it came to me.
**3 weeks later**
Avery fumbled for her purse as the makeup artist tried to paint her lips. She managed to squeeze out a hello before the artist sighed dramatically and left her alone, shaking her head and mumbling about being on a schedule.
"I take it the shoot is starting shortly" I asked, as I heard the people in the background of Avery's voice.
"Yes, I am about to be interviewed and then I am taking them on a tour of your house and posing for some shots. Have I told you I am touched but going to kill you for arranging this. Nicky you know how much I hate the spot light" Avery whined.
I smiled, loving to hear the child like tone take over my best friend's normally confident voice. I had contacted Fabulous Interiors, the leading magazine for archtitects and interior designers and informed them that they were missing a bright and rising star in Orlando. They had immediatly become interested and now they were planning a 10 page lay out, showcasing my house, the art gallery and the new city hall, Avery's big name projects. I knew that this was the publicity that would send her company into orbit. I was immensly proud of her and I wanted her to suceed. "Just remember in the interview to tell them how much you love your best friend and try to mention that I am single okay?" I teased.
"You got it goof ball. I have to go, the makeup lady is weilding tweezers which can only mean she is about to attack my poor, defenceless eyebrows..I will call you as soon as the shoot is over"
"Take it easy on them Raging Bull"
"I will Nick of time"
~~The following day~~
"Do you really think it is necessary to go to court over this? Surely to god we can work it out" Avery stared at her lawyer with a look of complete absurdness. Her husband had informed them that he wanted to go to court to decide their marital assests. "Does he not understand that I don't want anything from him. God dammit all I want is his signature on the papers"
"Avery he maintains that he took out the original loan on the loft, the house in Cancun and your business that he deserves first decision on whether he wants them. He has a case."
"Why...he has everything, his law firm is the biggest in Orlando, hell in Florida, why does he want my company?" Avery buried her face in her hands and cried.
~*~*~
"Jeffrey have you heard from the magazine about how the photo shoot went?" I had run into our new lawyer and brought up the topic of Avery's shoot.
"Nick how long have you known Avery Sims?"
"A few months...why?" I asked cautiously.
"As your lawyer I need to know if you are involved with her"
"What business is it of yours?" I asked getting more upset as the conversation went on. What the hell business was it of a lawyer to ask about my personal life. I was paying him to look after my professional affairs, that was all.
"If you are an item then she needs to be briefed on dealing with the media, briefed on legal implications if she says something that doesn't follow what we have established between your band and your management."
"She is my best friend and she doesn't need to be briefed on anything. Leave her out of all of this and don't ever mutter her name, don't even think about her. She is to be left out of my business affairs. Now if you don't have anything to tell me about the shoot, excuse me I have to call her and find out from her." I stormed down the hall, muttering obscenities and willing myself not to barge into management's office and raise a huff about the conversation that had just taken place.
~~**~~
~~One month later~~
"Are you ready? NO peeking, oh come on Carter I can see your eyes squinting between your fingers" Avery and I were about to umwrap the advance copy of her shoot that the magazine had sent to us. As promised I had flown in from the Bahamas to celebrate with her.
"How come you get to look" I whined.
"Because someone has to open it dumb ass"
"Alright but why are you the one opening it?" I opened my eyes and together we opened the parcel. I was speechless as I saw the cover of the magazine. They had chosen our favourite picture as the the cover shot. Avery was perched on my desk, the walls covered with the collage she had constructed, her smile was wide and her eyes sparkled. I glanced over at Avery, her face filled with a look of disbelief. "What's wrong?" I touched her face softly.
"Is that really me? God they are miracle workers, my eyes actually look open and my face looks so thin. God I look so different"
"You look beautiful, you are beautiful. Avery you are a truly magnificent and gorgeus woman, it's about time you realised that" My thumb gently traced over her chin as I stared into her eyes. An electric shock wnet through my body as her hands drew up to her face and rested on mine.
"Nicky you will never realise how truly blessed I am to have you in my life. Your friendship is the greatest gift that I have ever recieved. Promise me you won't ever leave me"
I lowered my lips to her forehead and as they gently touched her skin I whispered "I won't ever leave you, friends till the end Raging Bull"
"If Nick calls please don't tell him that I am out with AJ and Brian, tell him I am out with a client" Avery gave her instructions to her assistant and left her office for her lunch date.
~~**~~
"I can't believe you actually got him to agree to sing. AJ you rock my ass"
"I could really rock your ass if you stopped hanging out with the young'in and realised that they call me Bone for a reason" AJ teased as Avery blushed.
"As Nick's best friend I think he would have serious issues with me banging his bandmate. Besides I have a secret longing to go one round with the latin lover"
"Maybe I should grow my hair out, get rid of the tattoos and become cheesy like my best friend because dayum that boy is working his magic on all the fine ladies." AJ mumbled "Seriously Avery tell me, why aren't you taken yet?"
"Smooth AJ, really smooth" Brian commented as he stared at the menu options for Nick's surprise party.
"Alex believe me when I tell you I have had my fill of men at this moment." Avery broke into laughter when she saw Brian and AJ's mouths drop open. "I can't believe you are thinking that. I haven't had that bad of an experience with men that i would turn to women though the thought has crossed my mind, think about it, they know what a woman wants since they are a woman, the only shitty thing would be the PMS but once that was through we would be home free...hmm I wonder if Drew Barrymore is really serious about Tom Green cause you know she is fine" Avery licked her lips.
"You are nasty. Just promise me if and when you ever decide to try crossing over to the other side that you will call me and let me watch" AJ said with mock seriousness.
~~**~~
"You are sure she has no idea what we are planning?" I asked as AJ and Brian filled me in on their lunch date.
"Trust me, she totally thinks we are helping her plan your birthday party"
"Good, I want to knock her on her ass with this surprise. She really thinks that I don't know that her birthday is 3 days after mine and I want to make this birthday memorable"
~~**~~
"Jeffrey I am not going to argue with you, I called to try to reason with you. I don't think either of us need the publicity that is going to surround us when it comes to light that we are engaged in a high profile divorce settlement."
"Ah yes, you are the rising star of the Design world. I heard that Madonna commisioned you to decorate her new Italian villa, oh and congratulations on landing Justin Timberlake's new club. I know that a lot of the designers were fighting for that gig. You are so hot right now, it's just a pity that soon you will be working for me. I will own you Avery, I told you that I always won and I plan on keeping my string of victories alive. See you in court cupcake"
"Bastard" Avery slammed down her phone and turned her attention to the layout of Madonna's new villa.
~~**~~
"Mr Carter, just the man I wanted to talk to. How is your best friend? I heard she landed Timberlake's club gig. I heard him qouted as saying he was excited to be working with such an incredible talent and that he was looking forward to working closely with her to design the hottest club Orlando had ever seen. Guess she is moving on to the next boy band member huh?" Jeffrey walked away before I could punch the shit out of him.
"What the fuck is his problem and what is his obsession with Avery?" I wondered as I made a mental note to talk to the fellas about him.
~~**~~
"Avery Nick is here to see you"
"Thanks Jenna, send him in" Avery saved her file on Justin's new club and smiled when Nick walked in. "Hey you sexy beast, did you turn any girls into quivering idiots today?"
"Not yet but it is only 2. Hey beautiful" I leaned down to kiss my best friend's cheek and smiled when her delicious and trademark vanilla and noxema scent hit my nose.I studied the huge arrangement of flowers on her side table "Who are those from? An admirer I don't know about?"
"Justin Timberlake, evidently he is wetting in his pants to work with me, a genius and a talent wise beyond my years is how I think he put it in the Sentinel. Who would have thought that I would be talked about like that?"
"I did. You are a genius. How about a late lunch?"
"I can't, I have a meeting with Madonna's contractor at 2:30. I am trying to get out of installing mud floors but somehow she thinks that they are spiritual, let her come talk to me after a rain, talk about a spiritual mess. How about dinner instead? My house, 7 o'clock?"
"I will bring dessert."
"As a matter of fact why don't you invite the guys and the girls? It has been forever since we all got together, besides I want to see Kev's honeymoon pictures."
"Sounds like a plan Stan"
"Thats good to know Flo"
"We have the most stupid sayings. No wonder everyone makes fun of us" I laughed as I walked out of her office, the huge bouquet from Justin and Jeffrey's statement fresh in my mind.
I always felt a surge of peacefulness and belonging whenever I entered Avery's loft. It was airy and spacious, her furniture was overstuffed to give people that sat in them the impression that they were being hugged by a close friend. Her walls were covered with framed pictures of sunsets and beautiful ocean scenes. Fresh flowers sat on every free surface and her wall units were jammed with her favourite books and cds.
Remarkably and strangely I felt more comfortable at her house then I did at mine, even after all the renovations she had done. Maybe because her loft was a direct link to who she was, a caring, nurturing and my calm amidst my hectic life. I tossed the salad as she took her shower, she had arrived home late, muttering apoligies about a meeting that ran late. I had a key to her loft so I already had Paul Simon on the stereo, the lemon chicken marinating and the wine chilling when she got home. The fellas were due around 7 which gave us a good 45 minutes to just relax and talk.
"Nick is the chicken in the oven yet?" she asked from her bedroom.
"Its under the broiler at 425, the wine is chilling and dessert is in the fridge." My best friend was a perfectionist and a worry wart even when it came to a friendly get together with friends. She never stopped worrying that things were getting done. I guess that's why we complimented each other so well. She kept me in line and I made her relax and enjoy the fun side of life.
"Thanks Nicky" her lips touched my cheek and I pulled her in for a hug.
"You are welcome Raging Bull." I reached for the wine goblets that I had just poured full of wine and led her to her chesterfield. "So how did the meeting go?"
"It's hell, they are so damn anal, one minute they want spanish tiles the next they want mud floors. If they weren't paying so well and if it wasn't such a big gig I think I would drop them." Avery sank her head into the back of the couch and closed her eyes. "Nick why is it that everything has to be so hard, my clients are all demanding so much of my time, my lawyer is driving me insane with my court case and I am not getting to spend any time with you. God your new album is going to be released and then you will be touring and I won't see you." she sighed dramiatically.
"Court case? Aves what's going on with you, what court case are you talking about?" I stared at her, noticing how she bit her lip, her expression that of a child who was caught with it's hand in the cookie jar. A knock sounded on her door and instant relief took over her face. "You aren't going to get away without telling me Avery, that's a certainty" I said to myself as she walked away to let in her guests.
~~**~~
"Avery you are a miracle worker, I can't believe that you taught Nick how to cook, I can't believe that I am eating something that he made and I am not experiencing any sort of stomach pains or the onslaught of rigor mortis" AJ teased. "Nick this is good"
"Thanks." I mumbled as I stared at Avery. I was aware that my friends were exchanging worried and confused glances across the table as Avery and I did our best to ignore each other after the awkward slip of the tongue earlier in the evening.
I sat on my boat, the waves crashing around it and the stars lighting up the dark sky. The wind chilled me but I was not thinking of that, instead I was thinking about Avery and the conversation that had taken place after our friends had left.
"Avery what is with you? Are you in some kind of trouble? Why are you in court?" I gently grabbed her arm and forced her to look away from the dishes she was clearing and instead look at me.
"Nick it's nothing, nothing I can share with you anyway?" It pained her to say those words to the man she shared everything with. The sad and hurt look that painted Nick's handsome features broke her heart and she quickly turned and continued clearing the table.
"I never thought I would hear you say that. You know you can share anything with me, god dammit Avery I have opened up to you more then anyone else, you know more about me then the guys do. Why is it okay for you to listen to me spill my heart but when I want to lend you the support you need you throw a heartless comment and cheapen our friendship. This is not a one sided relationship. It is not a Let's help poor Nick Carter, this is two people who found each other and have come to the realisation that they are soul mates, meant to be friends forever. If you can't open up to me then I don't think we deserve this friendship." The tears stung my eyes and I was scolding myself all the way down the elevator for overreacting. It just hurt that my best friend wouldn't tell me what was bothering her.
~~**~~
I didn't hear the gentle sniffling or the soft sound of footsteps on my boat as I sat staring out into the water. I had just fought with my best friend and it scared me, rocked me to the core that I had just said such hurtful things to the woman I cared so deeply for. How could I have let my hurt and anger overtake the deep rooted feelings I had for Avery. I didn't flinch when I felt hands touch my back and I didn't even look up when I felt someone sit down beside me and run their hands on my thigh.
"Nick I am sorry." Avery's soft voice sounded like a soft summer rain gently falling on the roof. "it's just this is all so new to me, I have never had someone love me as much as you do for just being your friend. Nicky my husband never showed me the love and caring that you do. I am just not used to opening up to anyone." Avery's left hand rested on my arm, her other hand rested on my thigh. How was it that when another woman did that to me I would want to jump her but when Avery did it I was instantly at ease and nothing seemed more right.
"Your husband? You are married?" I asked, in shock.
"We haven't been together for over 2 years, our divorce should have been finalised last month but he has decided to make my life hell and go to court for a settlement."
"Were you married long?"
"As long as a 25 year old could be married. We married out of high school and I thought he was the man for me, until he made it his mission in life to bed anything that smiled his way. Nick I couldn't tell you. I am so embarassed. Embarassed that I couldn't hold my marriage together, embarassed that I couldn't satisfy my husband and that he had to turn to other women to give him the love that I should have been giving him" Avery broke down into tears and I gathered her in my arms.
"Shhh you did love him, he was just a prick who couldn't seperate true love from physical love. Avery it is impossible that you couldn't have loved him enough. You love fully and without expectations."
"Nick I feel like such a failure, I feel horrible for not telling you, I feel useless because no matter how hard I fight he keeps knocking me down. He is going to win my company in the settlement and then where will I be? Nick I have worked so hard for this and it's all been for naught"
"We will win, Raging Bull I promised that I would protect you,
remember that
day in the fountain in Sweden when you slipped and I caught
you, I promised
you that i would always be there when you fell and I don't
plan on breaking
that promise to you know." I gently kissed the top of her head
and held her
as she cried. Her bastard of an ex might have broken her
spirit but he
wasn't going to break her heart. That was a promise.
Links to other sites on the Web
Get your own Free Home Page