Rules for Writing Press Releases

1. THOU SHALT NOT USE VAGUE, TRITE, OVER-USED WORDS LIKE:

AWESOME
FANTASTIC
WONDERFUL
BIG
GRAND OPENING

USE WORDS THAT REALLY DESCRIBE YOUR PRODUCT. BE CREATIVE! USE A
THESAURUS!
2. THOU SHALT NOT USE THE SAME EXCITING WORDS OVER AND OVER
TRYING TO FALSELY EXCITE THE READER IN SOME EXCITING WAY OR
EXCITING FASHION.
3. THOU SHALT NOT USE EXCLAMATION POINTS AT THE END OF ALL YOUR
SENTENCES! THIS IS AN OBVIOUS AND LAME ATTEMPT TO CREATE FALSE
INTEREST! LET YOUR WORDS DO THE PROVOKING -- NOT YOUR
PUNCTUATION!
4. THOU SHALT KEEP SENTENCES TIGHT, NOT FILLED WITH USELESS
VERBIAGE TO CREATE A FALSE SENSE OF IMPORTANCE. IT DOESN'T WORK.
5. BE SURE TO KEEP ALL THE IMPORTANT FACTS IN THE FIRST PARAGRAPH.
OFTEN THIS IS ALL YOUR READER LOOKS AT.
6. DON'T USE "25-CENT" WORDS. THIS MEANS BIG WORDS LIKE
MERCHANTABLE .
(sorry for shouting)
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