NORM!


No Help Wanted:
Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.

Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
Norm: Hey I'm high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life.

Fortune and Men's Weights:
Coach: How's a beer sound, Norm?
Norm: I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.

Coach: What's up, Norm?
Norm: Corners of my mouth, Coach.

Snow Job:
Coach: What's shaking, Norm?
Norm: All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach.

Coach: Beer, Normie?
Norm: Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week.
Eh, why not, I'm still young.

Norman's Conquest:
[Norm comes in with an attractive woman.]
Coach: Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
Norm: With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe.

I'll Be Seeing You (Part 2)
Coach: What's up, Normie?
Norm: The temperature under my collar, Coach.

Diane Meets Mom:
Coach: What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
Norm: Going down?

[Norm returns from the hospital.]
Coach: What's up, Norm?
Norm: Everything that's supposed to be.

Peterson Crusoe:
[Norm comes in, depressed. He just stands by the door with a sullen face.]
Norm: [mutters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm? (Norman?)

The Heart is a Lonely Snipehunter:
Sam: What's new, Normie?
Norm: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach.
They're demanding beer.

King of the Hill:
Coach: What'll it be, Normie?
Norm: Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.

The Mail Goes to Jail:
Coach: What would you say to a beer, Normie?
Norm: Daddy wuvs you.

Behind Every Great Man:
Sam: What'd you like, Normie?

Norm: A reason to live. Gimme another beer.

Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Cliff: Afternoon, everybody.
All: [silence]

The Executive's Executioner:
Sam: What will you have, Norm?
Norm: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
Sam: Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.

Birth, Death, Love and Rice:
Sam: What do you say, Norm?
Norm: Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer.

Woody Goes Belly Up:
Sam: What do you say to a beer, Normie?
Norm: Hiya, sailor. New in town?

Diane's Nightmare:
Norm: [coming in from the rain] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm! (Norman!)
Sam: Still pouring, Norm?
Norm: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.

I'll Gladly Pay You Tuesday:
Sam: What's the good word, Norm?
Norm: Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
Sam: Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer...
Norm: Yeah, yeah, yeah...
Sam: One heartburn cocktail coming up.

Love Thy Neighbor:
Sam: Whaddya say, Norm?
Norm: Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes.

The Bar Stoolie:
Woody: What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?

Norm: Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer.

The Triangle:
Woody: What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Elope with my wife.

[Norm is angry.]
Woody: What can I get you, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Clifford Clavin's head.

Take My Shirt... Please?
Woody: How's life, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Oh, I'm waiting for the movie.

The Peterson Principle:
Sam: Hey, what's happening, Norm?
Norm: Well, it's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.

Tan `n Wash:
Paul: Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?
Norm: Like a baby treats a diaper.

Norm: Hey, everybody.
All: [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich]
Norm: [carries on both sides of the conversation himself]
Norm! (Norman.)
How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?
Rich and thirsty. Pour me a beer.

Home is the Sailor: [the bar is completely different, since Sam went sailing around the world and sold the bar]
Norm: Hey, everybody.
Woody: Norm! [nobody else in the bar says anything]
Norm: That's it, I'm leaving.

Norm: [comes in, pretending to be Joe Average customer, as part of operation Wayne Down the Dwain]
Customer: Norm!
Norm: [quietly] Not now!

Little Carla, Happy at Last, Part 2:
Woody: Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass.

A Kiss is Still a Kiss:
Sam: How's life treating you?
Norm: It's not, Sammy, but you can!

Let Sleeping Drakes Lie:
Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A little early, isn't it Woody?v Woody: For a beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions.

Airport V:
Woody: What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery.
Let's cut to the happy ending.

Bar Wars II: The Woodman Strikes Back:
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
Norm: I know, and if she calls, I'm not here.

Don't Paint Your Chickens:
Sam: Beer, Norm?
Norm: Have I gotten that predictable? Good.

Call Me, Irresponsible:
Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A flashing sign in my gut that says, ``Insert beer here.''

Two Girls for Every Boyd:
Sam: What can I get you, Norm?
Norm: [scratching his beard] Got any flea powder?
Ah, just kidding. Gimme a beer; I think I'll just drown the little suckers.

Feeble Attraction:
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
Norm: Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?

Bar Wars III: The Return of Tecumseh:
Sam: What are you up to Norm?
Norm: My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.

Loverboyd:
Woody: Nice cold beer coming up, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: You mean, `Nice cold beer going Mr. Peterson.'

Sam: What do you know there, Norm?
Norm: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?

Veggie-Boyd:
Sam: What can I do for you, Norm?
Norm: Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam.

It's a Wonderful Wife:
Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Another layer for the winter, Wood.

Not yet confirmed against videotape:
"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its' wife."

"Women. Can't live with `em, pass the beer nuts."

"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

"How's life in the fast lane?"
"Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp."

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson."
"Alright, but stop me at one.... make that one-thirty."

"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

"How about a beer, Norm?"
"That's that amber, sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"v
"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson. A beer please, Woody."

"What's up, Normie?"v "My nipples, it's freezing out there."

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