The next three months were not easy, but it gave us time to prepare our hearts for what was ahead. I had a lot of pain and contractions. I tried not to be stressed about every little detail during the rest of the pregnancy, but I was fearful of premature labor and the fact that this baby moved so much less than my other kids did. I discovered that when everything was out of my control, the only thing I could do was hand it over to God. He would have to take care of her, because I didn't know how. It was good to have time to do research, read books about SB, write in my journal, etc... Early in September, my doctors became concerned about the fluid increasing in her head and at 33 weeks, they decided to deliver her by C-section to prevent serious brain damage. We had a couple days to prepare for her arrival. Here we go!!
Cassidy Anne was born at 8:26am on September 9, 1998. She was 5 lbs, 10 oz. (although she lost a whole pound of fluid in the first few days) and she looked just like her brother and sister. It was so wonderful to fall in love with her sweet little face! She was no longer just the vague and scary concept of a "serious birth defect". She was a precious, fragile little being that needed our help desperately to survive and thrive. Even though it was so hard to let her go after they let me hold her for a minute, I almost felt relieved that she was finally in a position to be helped by professionals. They would take the best care of her. I needed them to help her before I could ever care for her. Someday Cassie, someday you'll be back in my arms and I'll never let you go!
She had surgery to close the lesion on her back and put in her VP shunt at 4pm that day. It lasted three hours and went very well. Her lesion was at L3-L5 and they noticed her legs were kicking a little. She had severe clubbed feet, with the left foot being the worst. Her head was very swollen with fluid, but the doctors assured us that it would go down eventually and we would hope for the best ---no brain damage!
The first few days were tough. She was completely sedated, lying on her stomach with her head to the side to protect her shunt. She couldn't open her eyes. She couldn't squeeze our fingers. A ventilator was helping her breathe and she was hooked to a ton of tubes. But she was alive. She was breathing. She would get through this. So would we, somehow.
Five days later, we were able to hold her finally!! The world stood still as the warmth of this precious baby flooded my soul. I love you Cassidy! I can't wait to tell you that and look deep into your eyes to show you. But for now, this will have to be enough. For now, this will do.
She spent the next four weeks in the hospital. She had healed well from surgery, but was now dealing with prematurity issues. She needed to grow and learn how to eat on her own. It was a tough time that seems like a blur now. Trying to be with her as much as possible, yet still spending time each evening with our older children was a real interesting feat. My mom came from California to live with us for 5 weeks to enable us to keep up with it all. We could not have done it without her!
We brought Cassie home on October 6, 1998!! What an incredible feeling to finally be under the same roof as a family! Cassie's big brother Josh (8 yrs old) and big sister Jamie (4 1/2 yrs old) couldn't wait to start loving on her!
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