Humorous Horoscopes
Humorous Horoscopes
 Aries:
You will try to turn a fantasy into reality this week. Just remember that the walls will melt until the effects of that hit of acid wear off. |
 Taurus:
You will win big at a poker game this week. Don't forget to hide four different aces up your sleeve. Your friends might get suspicious if you show them two aces of spades in your hand. |
 Gemini:
Its time for you and your lover to have it out. Remember the rule about fighting in the house and be sure to fill the tub with jello for the match. |
 Cancer:
You will feel like a mouse running on a wheel this week. It might help if you turned down the setting on the tread mill slowly before you try to get off of it. |
 Leo:
When you ask your Mom for a loan this week, don't forget to ask her which motel is the cheapest. Be sure to let her know that you will be stopping at the drug store on the way. |
 Virgo:
Keep your mouth shut around friends today. They won't take it well if you show off your dazzling intellect this week. Bide your time and wait until you meet that nice young lady on the street corner. |
 Libra:
You will get your way in everything you attempt to accomplish this week. Just don't let it go to your head or you will blow your chance to dominate the little people at the McDonald's playground. |
 Scorpio:
You will get an opportunity to get out more this week. Don't be shy when the new kid from down the street comes over to ask you to come out and play. |
 Sagittarius:
The light bulb in your head will flicker for half a second this week. You have finally figured out that the light goes out when you close the refrigerator door. |
 Capricorn:
Get out and see the world this week. You may have the chance to find out if the hill's really are alive with the sound of music. Not really, just the croaking of tree frogs. |
 Aquarius:
Surprise, bet you thought you would be reading something new this week. Well thats what you get for taking the stars for granted. Go have a happy meal. |
 Pisces:
You are confused this week. Wait, aren't you confused every week? No wait, thats me. Where was I? Are you confused yet? |
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Last Modified: Wednesday, 02-Jan-02 14:10:24 PST