My story


It was a Friday night like any other where i had decided to go out to a club to do some dancing and parting after all I am single right.
it starting in a club in a town called Grand Terrace, a wealthy town and upscale clientele frequented this nightclub.
The townhouses directly behind it rented for $700.00 a month . I was dancing and mingling with the others as usual.  I met a guy with blonde hair he had he seemed like a nice guy.  
He he was a regular and could get me aquainted with the other regulars there.
Well the evening came to a close and so I called my dad to pickme up from the bar because I don't drink and drive.

I am an alcoholic and had gotten a dui just a month earlier so I sitting on the steps waiting for dad to come.

I was approached by this blonde man from the bar the same one I had met and he said there was going to be a party at his condo and asked if I would like to come. I agreed, it sounded like fun there were to be other people there from the bar so I agreed.
We started to walk toward the apartments and he escorted me upstairs to a fairly decent looking condo I noticed right a way no one else had arrived.

I inquired about this and he said they would be there soon I told him I need to let my dad know that I wouldn't be needing a ride after all that I was going to a party. So off we went back downstairs to meet dad. This guy at first introduced himself to my dad as Joe. I later found out this was not his real name I told dad that I was going to a party and Joe said he would take me home later. Back upstairs we went to this so called party and when we entered the apartment again, still nobody had arrived.
I found this to be odd but was offered a whine cooler which I accepted suddenly a door open to the bedroom and out came another guy I had seem at the club. This frightened me a bit but still I danced to the music and trust that everything was ok after all what could possibly happen I was in a well-todo neighborhood surrounded by other condos if I scream someone would call the police I felt safe. Still no one came and I chalked it up to they decided to go somewhere else. I was also taking medication for depression and drinking so was not thinking too clearly obviously to see the obvious The next thing I knew they had me down on the couch forcing me to oral copulate both of them. I remember one of them the blonde guy squirting semen on my chest and stomach. I passted out or left my body, I really don't remember which. All I know is waking up with them inserting an object in my rectum had me bent over in a doggy style position over the bed knees on the floor laughing and laughing. I was horrified I jumped and fought my way up and off the floor pulled out what ended up being a carrot with blood on it. I WAS bleeding from my rectum. I ran to the bathroom screaming they were still laughing as I screamed and cried out in horror and the site of the blood. I ran out of the bathroom screaming "You raped me you bastards. you raped me You are going to jail I want a ride home take me home". They said "No, shut up bitch you asked for it. Shut up your waking up the neighbors". The blonde guy then opened the door to the balcony and pushed me out naked unto the patio. I was still screaming help me somebody help me please help me as loud as I could scream They opened the door and threw my clothes out to me because I was banging on the door so hard I nearly broke a knuckle screaming "I want my clothes please please let me get dressed". I got dressed and they let me back in and when I reached for the phone to call my dad, the blonde guy yanked it out of my hands and out of the wall saying "Your'e not calling anybody, you slut whore, we are done with you get the fuck out of here before I throw you out". I stated to leave I got halfway out the door and he pushed me down the stairs and threw the rest of my things at me I ran up and down the sidewalk screaming " Help help help, please somebody help I have been raped!" A women came running out to me she told me she worked for the county of riverside as a rape crisis counselor and that she was a police officer gave me a chair. I sat and cried and screamed I was in shock I was shaking from head to toe so bad I could hardly stay seated. The ambulance came and the police investigators. All I could say was "The carrot, go get the carrot it has my blood on it I am bleeding, they raped me the 2 men upstairs" and pointing to apartment B-5. The women knew the tenants there and told the police who they were. They put me in the ambulance took my clothes and hooked me up to monitors I was in shock and freezing cold and began to vomit and could not stop shaking. I was taken to emergency at 4:00am. That morning a detective came to see me right away as I still crying and vomiting and vomiting and I had regressed back to about age 13 and kept screaming "Daddy, daddy please where is my daddy. I want my daddy". The detective asked me allot of questions some of them I couldn't answer in between vomiting and crying uncontrollably. I said "Did you get the carrot that has my blood on it ? He said "Yes, we have it in evidence with your clothing">. "Are you going to arrest them?" I asked. He said "We have them in questioning as we speak." I continued to cry and vomit and then 2 beautiful angles came into the room. I will never forget them as long as I live. 2 young angel girls about in their teens volunteering for the rape crisis center held my hand the rest of the time while I vomited. Dad finely arrived later. I was told by dad that they told him before they would let him see me that not to say anything to upset me because I was ready to snap and that ""She is in no condition to handle anything". When I saw my dad I screamed "Daddy, daddy please don't blame me. He said "No I won't, it's not your fault. I love you". "I would never blame you" he said. Then the doctor came in threw everyone out and DID the rape kit. I told him to scrap the semen off my stomach and check for blood in my rectum They combed for hairs and I was still crying and vomiting. I vomited for 13 hours straight. They left the room after the exam and the 2 angels came back in and held my hand as I vomited some more. Dad was there too. They all stayed with me from 4am till they finally released me at 3 pm the next afternoon because they were afraid for my condition mentally. I was snapping. The girls had brought me some sweats blue. I think all I remember is those fresh clothes felt so good to me and all I wanted was to go home and get a shower. I have taken many showers since and nothing will ever wash that feeling off of my body The next day the detective came to my home asking me more questions only this time they were directed at my character. .I was by now so angry and sad and just broken that I could hardly defend myself. He then said that the guys were out of jail. I later found out they were never in jail only questioned and released. For weeks I could not sleep had nightmares could not eat could not do anything but cry, sleep and shower. I must have taken 20 showers in 3days. I wanted to die. I just wanted to kill myself. I had lost all reason or will to be here on this earth. These bastards had done this too me and now they were back out on the street to do it again and all the DA or the police or the damned detective could do is question me and berate me like I was the criminal even after the dective telling me it was against the law to have sex with someone in my mental state on medication and it's also illigal to have sex with someone who is intoxicated which was certainly news to me.

This happened May17th, 1997 the day before my mothers birthday today is July 5th 1999 And I am just now writing this down for the first time in hopes of helping someone else to not feel alone . I want all victims to come forward and I don't know if my story will help, but the more victims that do come forward, the more rapists can't get away with it. That is my mission to see that all rapists are put where they belong behind bars. To take the shame out of being raped by telling my story and also as part of my healing Because my rapists got away I have to live with that, but I will be damned if I will live with the shame or quilt one more day. I came very close to snapping completely. I have been under a phyciatrist care for the last 2 years and this left me agoraphobic and suicidal depressed also diagnosed with Bi-polar and post traumatic disorder. The past 2 years i have lived in my home with my only contact to the outside world via this computer I lost a business because I could no longer work. I had to apply for SSI and I'm still waiting for that. I have been on more than dozen different cocktails of medications to curb my depression. They tell me that there are women in mental institutions today that snapped from their rape and never came out of it. I am lucky. I have a loving father who has been here for me all the way who has stood by my side and never gave up hope for my recovery. I am still recovering and I am still angry that they are still out there but if more victims come forward maybe we can get some changes made in our government so that other victims may be spared the hardest part of this and that is the rapist going free. Please help me put an end to this crime the crime of letting rapist loose to rape again. It took 1 year to get me compensation and during that year all I had was booze and drugs to kill the pain today. I am 9months clean and sober and dealing with the pain the right way. If I can do this, so can you. I hope you never have too, but if you have been raped don't let this happen again. Go to the hospital even if they don't prosecute. If enough of us do come forward they have to listen. If you have been raped in the past I feel your pain as I am sure you feel mine. I am not on a sympathy mission

I am on a mission of justice!!
Donna

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