Despite the fact that as a small child she had been abandoned by her father and had suffered years of embarrassment caused by her alcoholic mother, Tamara had developed into a self-efficient young woman. She had worked her way through college, yet had found time for a social life. She was very outgoing and well-liked by the residents of the small town. Several young men had been attracted to her, and she to them, but she refused to allow romance to come between herself and her dreams. She knew what she wanted. There would be plenty of time for love and marriage. She was barely twenty-three and the world lay at her feet. Sometimes she wished she wasn't so driven to succeed, that she could be more like her friends, most of whom were content to marry and settle down to raise a family. She also wished she wasn't such a perfectionist; that she could take life a little more lightly...not be so hard on herself. This striving for perfection would, one day, cause her great heartache.

The big jet made a smooth landing. Tamara alighted, breathless with excitement. As the crowds at the airport jostled and shoved, she claimed her luggage and, hailing a taxi, sat back to take in the sights. The tall buildings, the throngs of people. Everyone looked as if they had a place to go and had to get there as quickly as possible. "Tomorrow," thought Tamara, "I'll be a part of the crowd, rushing to begin my new job!" She noticed a faint stirring inside her. Was it excitement or fear? She decided it was a little of both. After all, wasn't she in a whole new world? It was only natural for her to be experiencing these feelings, wasn't it? She pushed from her mind a long forgotten (or so she thought) incident that had caused her to bolt in fear while writing an exam in high school. "I'm much more confident now," she told herself. Yet was she?

The telephone was ringing as Tamara let herself into her apartment. It was a beautiful place overlooking a small park. It had been occupied by her new boss's daughter who had recently gotten married, and he had kindly secured it for her. Tamara wondered who was calling her as she ran across the room. She lifted the receiver and before she had a chance to say hello, her mother's drunken voice sounded in her ear. "Why didn't you let me know you had arrived? You ungrateful daughter! After all I've done for you...the sacrifices I've made." "But mother," said Tamara, "I've just arrived." But her mother continued to rant and whine. Tamara finally managed to placate her, saying she would call her every other day. She felt totally drained as she replaced the receiver. Her mother could do that to her...make her feel guilty and make her doubt herself. She then reminded herself that her mother was miles away, and for the first time in her life, she was free of her. She could endure the calls. They would be a small price to pay. "I'm free!" she thought. "Free to come and go as I wish. Free of embarrassment. What a great feeling!"

............................ ...................................... ...

HOME     EMAIL    EPISODE 2