Basset Hound Funnies...

Hey everyone, Bula again. So, are you ready for a real laugh? Well, if you are, you have come to the right spot. Have fun reading these basset funnies!

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The Basset Rules
1.The Basset is not allowed in the house.

2. Okay, the Basset is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.

3.The Basset is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.

4.The Basset can get on the old furniture only, but has to stay off the new couch.

5. Fine, the Basset is allowed on all the funiture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.

6. Okay, the Basset is allowed in the bed, but only by invitation.

7. The Basset can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.

8. The Basset can sleep under the covers by invitation only.

9.The Basset can sleep under the covers every night.

10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the Basset.

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Author Unknown

A Basset Joke
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED." Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a Basset trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and AHROOOOED! Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the Basset and was surprised, to say the least. However, the Basset looked etermined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the Basset jumped up on the chair and stared at the Manger. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The Basset jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and waddled over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the Basset, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer." The Basset jumped down again and went to the computer. The Basset proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the Basset and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent Basset and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job." The Basset jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual". The Basset looked him straight in the face and said, "Meow."

< The Basset Hound Dictionary
LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: Any, soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor or better yet, on their laps.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards: the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER STORMS: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warm them of danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it it is pplite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

BATH: This a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

BUMP: The way to get your humans attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the regular bump does not get the attention you require.

LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you are lucky a human will love you in return.

Links to other sites on the Web

Happy Hounds.calm
The Daily Drool

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